Great question! I was wondering about the power dynamics related to different aspects of oral sex some time ago...
From my perspective, it has no definite answer because it depends a lot on the situation. In general, I would say that the person whose needs are being satisfied is more dominant in the context, so for example if it is a woman who wants to receive oral sex for her satisfaction and the man is doing it just to serve her, then she is more dominant. However, when the man wants to do it more than the woman and they are doing cunnilingus mainly to satisfy his needs - e.g. she doesn´t want it for her satisfaction but he wants to do it and he makes his own way (e.g. he persuades her, he forces her into this activity...), then he is more dominant.
So who is more submissive? It depends, probably the person who could do without this activity and who is doing it mainly for the pleasure of her/his partner. It might be the woman or the man, depending on who likes cunnilingus more...
I forgot to mention something which may be relevant to your first comment in my response to you. Although I agree that contextual factors play an important role in the perception of whose position is dominant or submissive during oral sex (which is most obvious in the context of BDSM), I have also something like "default" perception of the roles in non-BDSM situations. I mean, I tend to percieve the giver´s position as more submissive when it comes both to fellatio and cunnilingus. This perception doesn´t depend very much on who likes / wants /needs the activity more. For example, I wouldn´t percieve myself as more dominant during fellatio even if I wanted it more than the other person nor would I percieve the person giving me oral sex as more dominant even if he wanted to do it more than me in that situation. There are probably several factors why I tend to percieve it this way but it would be another story. All in all, I would say that this view is more theoretical than empirical - in real life, I tend to enjoy the pleasurable sensation above all and I don´t care if my position is dominant, submissive or whatever :)
Thanks for commenting. Your perspective is very interesting. You made a good point suggesting that one of the important factors in this regard is whose needs are primarily being satisfied during the act. It definitely makes a difference if it is the woman who wants to receive oral sex for her satisfaction and the man is doing it just to serve her or if the man wants to do it more and he makes his own way. I completely agree that the situation plays an important role here. However, I guess it´s far less clear in most cases which makes it more difficult to make the distinction between the roles when it comes to dominance and submission. I think that power dynamics in relationships may be quite complex. For example, if one of the partners wants or needs something which involves both partners much more than the other, it may push them into a submissive position because they are kind of dependent on their partner. Sexual freqency may be a good example - if partners are incompatible, it´s generally the partner with a higher libido who is in a "weeker" position. As for your suggestion related to the level of desire for oral sex, the decisive factor related to dominance / submission probably is if the person makes their own way manipulatively or does it assertively or kind of desperately asks their partner for oral sex.
What you said makes perfect sense. Power dynamics in relationship will probably be closely connected with the dynamics of their sexual interactions in many cases and oral sex is not an exception.
As for the last sentence of your post, I completely agree. If a man has to ask for cunnilingus desperately or manipulatively, then his attempts at cunnilingus will not be perceived as a sign of dominance and in these cases probably nobody will derive much pleasure from the act, neither the man nor his partner. Then it might be better to give up this activity altogether, at least he will not lose respect in the eyes of his female partner who probably will not be aroused by submissive men and will prefer more dominant or assertive men as her ideal sexual partners.
If he cannot do it assertively (for any reasons which might stem from deeper levels of his psyche), then he must face the dilemma: lose cunnilingus or lose respect. It can be pretty hard choice for (submissive) men obsessed with cunnilingus...:)
The last sentence of my previous comment doesn´t suggest that the outcome of male high desire for cunnilingus is that his attempts at cunnilingus are likely to be perceived as submissive. On the contrary. What I wanted to say was that high desire for oral sex might have totally different outcomes or manifestations covering the whole spectrum of dominance vs. submission. I mean - he can make his own way manipulatively if he wants it more than the woman paying little attention to the fact that her desire for cunnilingus is not that strong (high level of dominance) or he can desperately ask the woman for it (submissive behavior). Doing it assertively is somewhere in between.
Who is more submissive during cunnilingus?
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Great question! I was wondering about the power dynamics related to different aspects of oral sex some time ago...
From my perspective, it has no definite answer because it depends a lot on the situation. In general, I would say that the person whose needs are being satisfied is more dominant in the context, so for example if it is a woman who wants to receive oral sex for her satisfaction and the man is doing it just to serve her, then she is more dominant. However, when the man wants to do it more than the woman and they are doing cunnilingus mainly to satisfy his needs - e.g. she doesn´t want it for her satisfaction but he wants to do it and he makes his own way (e.g. he persuades her, he forces her into this activity...), then he is more dominant.
So who is more submissive? It depends, probably the person who could do without this activity and who is doing it mainly for the pleasure of her/his partner. It might be the woman or the man, depending on who likes cunnilingus more...
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I forgot to mention something which may be relevant to your first comment in my response to you. Although I agree that contextual factors play an important role in the perception of whose position is dominant or submissive during oral sex (which is most obvious in the context of BDSM), I have also something like "default" perception of the roles in non-BDSM situations. I mean, I tend to percieve the giver´s position as more submissive when it comes both to fellatio and cunnilingus. This perception doesn´t depend very much on who likes / wants /needs the activity more. For example, I wouldn´t percieve myself as more dominant during fellatio even if I wanted it more than the other person nor would I percieve the person giving me oral sex as more dominant even if he wanted to do it more than me in that situation. There are probably several factors why I tend to percieve it this way but it would be another story. All in all, I would say that this view is more theoretical than empirical - in real life, I tend to enjoy the pleasurable sensation above all and I don´t care if my position is dominant, submissive or whatever :)
Thanks for commenting. Your perspective is very interesting. You made a good point suggesting that one of the important factors in this regard is whose needs are primarily being satisfied during the act. It definitely makes a difference if it is the woman who wants to receive oral sex for her satisfaction and the man is doing it just to serve her or if the man wants to do it more and he makes his own way. I completely agree that the situation plays an important role here. However, I guess it´s far less clear in most cases which makes it more difficult to make the distinction between the roles when it comes to dominance and submission. I think that power dynamics in relationships may be quite complex. For example, if one of the partners wants or needs something which involves both partners much more than the other, it may push them into a submissive position because they are kind of dependent on their partner. Sexual freqency may be a good example - if partners are incompatible, it´s generally the partner with a higher libido who is in a "weeker" position. As for your suggestion related to the level of desire for oral sex, the decisive factor related to dominance / submission probably is if the person makes their own way manipulatively or does it assertively or kind of desperately asks their partner for oral sex.
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What you said makes perfect sense. Power dynamics in relationship will probably be closely connected with the dynamics of their sexual interactions in many cases and oral sex is not an exception.
As for the last sentence of your post, I completely agree. If a man has to ask for cunnilingus desperately or manipulatively, then his attempts at cunnilingus will not be perceived as a sign of dominance and in these cases probably nobody will derive much pleasure from the act, neither the man nor his partner. Then it might be better to give up this activity altogether, at least he will not lose respect in the eyes of his female partner who probably will not be aroused by submissive men and will prefer more dominant or assertive men as her ideal sexual partners.
If he cannot do it assertively (for any reasons which might stem from deeper levels of his psyche), then he must face the dilemma: lose cunnilingus or lose respect. It can be pretty hard choice for (submissive) men obsessed with cunnilingus...:)
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The last sentence of my previous comment doesn´t suggest that the outcome of male high desire for cunnilingus is that his attempts at cunnilingus are likely to be perceived as submissive. On the contrary. What I wanted to say was that high desire for oral sex might have totally different outcomes or manifestations covering the whole spectrum of dominance vs. submission. I mean - he can make his own way manipulatively if he wants it more than the woman paying little attention to the fact that her desire for cunnilingus is not that strong (high level of dominance) or he can desperately ask the woman for it (submissive behavior). Doing it assertively is somewhere in between.