You know what though. As much as I hate what the feminists do, I do appreciate that you think it's the right thing to do and that you seem to be genuinely trying to help.
I don't think we're going to change each other views, but if I could just leave you with the thought of what if there was a big movement called "toxic femininity," and it constantly barraged women for crying too much being interested in fashion, or putting on makeup, and then told you that you needed to change those behaviours. Would you be alright with that?
To answer that, I have to clearly state what I believe toxic masculinity is. It's a set of myths that society tells boys and men about what it means to be a “real man”, with implicit threats to their worth and identity if they don’t meet those expectations. You should always want sex (a reason why men are ignored if they're raped because REAL men want it), you should be strong and muscular to fight other men and win, you should be a leader in any situation, you should be dominant, you should need no help from others under no circumstances, and you should never show weakness. Another example is, of course, crying. My boyfriend hasn't cried since he was seven years old because his mother beat him. She didn't want a "girl". He's not alone- some statistics paint that 34% of men haven't cried in years. That's a problem. Men aren't more likely to experience depression, but they're 3.5x more likely to commit suicide because of it. There are serious correlations there. You say below that you talk to singular friends instead of the world, and that's amazing! In my programs I don't tell men to suddenly become soap opera stars, but if they do need to reach out to someone they should learn how.
I also want to make it clear that I'm also not arguing that dominant, physically strong, stoic men can't exist. That would be silly. However, I want boys to know that they don't have to become a James Bond. It's okay if they think theater is cooler. If you want to become James Bond, all power to you! Its just important to recognize that you will need help sometimes, you should show weakness to the people you trust the most. That's safe and healthy.
But by that definition, toxic femininity DOES exist. It would be a set of myths through society that standards what a "real" woman should be. We should know how to cook, we should shave every hair from our bodies, we should never leave the house without makeup and always look perfect, we should serve our husbands faithfully lest they leave us, we should be dainty (never argumentative), we MUST have children and we must nurture men who come into our lives. Does that mean its wrong to like makeup and cooking or become a housewife? No, but its impossible to always appear perfect. Its dangerous to never argue when your heart disagrees with something. If you don't want to cook, clean, marry, or have children - you're still a woman. That's why its toxic.
Toxic femininity is an issue, but don't you agree that toxic masculinity is more prevalent?
This isn't just a feminist agenda either. Some toxic masculinity helps women. Sure, its better if you healthily control your emotions because otherwise you have pent up aggression that leads to violence and, in many cases, domestic violence. However, a stereotype from toxic masculinity is that men must be the sole provider in a household. Its been modified that they should make more money, but that shouldn't be true. Its okay if your wife makes more. Its perfectly fine for a wife to care for her husband.
Who has it worse, men or women?
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You know what though. As much as I hate what the feminists do, I do appreciate that you think it's the right thing to do and that you seem to be genuinely trying to help.
I don't think we're going to change each other views, but if I could just leave you with the thought of what if there was a big movement called "toxic femininity," and it constantly barraged women for crying too much being interested in fashion, or putting on makeup, and then told you that you needed to change those behaviours. Would you be alright with that?
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cinderfloof
4 years ago
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Thank you! I appreciate that sentiment.
To answer that, I have to clearly state what I believe toxic masculinity is. It's a set of myths that society tells boys and men about what it means to be a “real man”, with implicit threats to their worth and identity if they don’t meet those expectations. You should always want sex (a reason why men are ignored if they're raped because REAL men want it), you should be strong and muscular to fight other men and win, you should be a leader in any situation, you should be dominant, you should need no help from others under no circumstances, and you should never show weakness. Another example is, of course, crying. My boyfriend hasn't cried since he was seven years old because his mother beat him. She didn't want a "girl". He's not alone- some statistics paint that 34% of men haven't cried in years. That's a problem. Men aren't more likely to experience depression, but they're 3.5x more likely to commit suicide because of it. There are serious correlations there. You say below that you talk to singular friends instead of the world, and that's amazing! In my programs I don't tell men to suddenly become soap opera stars, but if they do need to reach out to someone they should learn how.
I also want to make it clear that I'm also not arguing that dominant, physically strong, stoic men can't exist. That would be silly. However, I want boys to know that they don't have to become a James Bond. It's okay if they think theater is cooler. If you want to become James Bond, all power to you! Its just important to recognize that you will need help sometimes, you should show weakness to the people you trust the most. That's safe and healthy.
But by that definition, toxic femininity DOES exist. It would be a set of myths through society that standards what a "real" woman should be. We should know how to cook, we should shave every hair from our bodies, we should never leave the house without makeup and always look perfect, we should serve our husbands faithfully lest they leave us, we should be dainty (never argumentative), we MUST have children and we must nurture men who come into our lives. Does that mean its wrong to like makeup and cooking or become a housewife? No, but its impossible to always appear perfect. Its dangerous to never argue when your heart disagrees with something. If you don't want to cook, clean, marry, or have children - you're still a woman. That's why its toxic.
Toxic femininity is an issue, but don't you agree that toxic masculinity is more prevalent?
This isn't just a feminist agenda either. Some toxic masculinity helps women. Sure, its better if you healthily control your emotions because otherwise you have pent up aggression that leads to violence and, in many cases, domestic violence. However, a stereotype from toxic masculinity is that men must be the sole provider in a household. Its been modified that they should make more money, but that shouldn't be true. Its okay if your wife makes more. Its perfectly fine for a wife to care for her husband.
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charli.m
4 years ago
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Can't thumb this up enough.