Who are you most jealous of?

I dont know how to explain this...I thought I was jealous of this girl but it ended up being I liked her.. (I'm bi) We were really close. People thought we were going out or something but anyways we werent. When I found out she was in love with someone else I felt really hurt and pretended I was happy and excited butI really wasnt. A part of me was crushed but then the other part of me kept saying "I'm happy if your happy" so I tried acting as if I was really really happy for her.. I slowly started to push away to put some distance. Then this other girl came in the picture and apparently she was in love with the same guy that the one I like was in love with and became friends. The guy that the one I liked was in love with started going out with someone eles and so her heart was broken. The girl I like started geting close to the other girl that was in love with him... since I put some space between her and I. They started getting real close and I started feeling left behind.. When we'd go places it wasnt just the two of us now it was three though I felt kinda annoyed. I tried to brush it off but then I was left out. It became the two of them.. I felt really sad because when the girl I like was with me and we get along really well.. the other girl would say she feels left out and would take her away where it would be just the two of them... I started feeling really jealous and hurt I couldnt see her anymore when I finally realized I was having such horrble thoughts of jealousy and wishing she wasnt there. I left I told the girl I like I didn't want to be friends.. I didnt want the hideous side of me that was growing to grow stay there. I wanted it all to dissapear ...the pain.. the anger ....and jealousy.. I hated myself for ever having thoughts like that I feel like an horrble person.. I hate it all I wish that part of the past would dissapear I feel so ashamed of myself...