Duke selling the Bush's baked beans recipe.
Every company that manufactures beans got a hold of it. Suddenly, the price of fine quality beans dropped. EVERYBODY was able to afford beans.
Eventually, specialty beans got it's own aisle at the supermarket. Canned beans were being consumed in such massive numbers that the government double-taxed beans and reduced the deficit in only three years. The American obesity rate dropped as the diet of the average American became little but beans, pork and jam and the farmers that produced beans were able to profit enough to produce fine fruits and berries.
The overall health of the nation improved. We were able to impose a system of socialized healthcare because doctor's visits became somewhat of a rarity. Everybody was in great health and experiencing fantastic vitality. Health care costs dropped by alarming rates due to lack of demand and an easing on the system. We didn't even need to raise taxes, the money was just there.
The health care industry suffered, now well trained nurses and doctors were out of work but were picked up by pharmaceutical companies and were able to dedicate their time and resources to finding cures for diseases such as cancer. All was prosperous.
However, in the midst loomed a silent but deadly danger that we ignored in our prosperity, good health and vitality. The sheer amounts of methane being expelled from our assholes built up in our atmosphere and the hole in the ozone grew just as quickly as the canned food industry. Even our reduced use of vehicles due to our new-found love of walking did little to help us.
Our greatest scientists went to work immediately trying to figure out just how to fix this. Global temperatures rose to such a degree that even the most patented farming techniques were unable to keep the bean plants from dying in the incredible heat. All of our money and resources went to keeping the greatest global commodity of all time alive, we had no other choice. We knew no better than to eat beans. Heat strokes became as rampant as the black plague, something had to be done.
All over the country, politicians, activists and scientists begged us all to stop eating beans but we wouldn't listen. Eventually, the ice-caps melted and 3/4 of the Earth's population drowned in scalding hot water. Eventually, we got the message, but too little to late. Most of us were gone.
Friends, loved ones, all gone. It took several billion casualties to teach us that Bush made a horrible mistake. As we rebuild, we will have children and teach them and future generations the importance of keeping a secret.
Which event had the most impact on you?
← View full post
Duke selling the Bush's baked beans recipe.
Every company that manufactures beans got a hold of it. Suddenly, the price of fine quality beans dropped. EVERYBODY was able to afford beans.
Eventually, specialty beans got it's own aisle at the supermarket. Canned beans were being consumed in such massive numbers that the government double-taxed beans and reduced the deficit in only three years. The American obesity rate dropped as the diet of the average American became little but beans, pork and jam and the farmers that produced beans were able to profit enough to produce fine fruits and berries.
The overall health of the nation improved. We were able to impose a system of socialized healthcare because doctor's visits became somewhat of a rarity. Everybody was in great health and experiencing fantastic vitality. Health care costs dropped by alarming rates due to lack of demand and an easing on the system. We didn't even need to raise taxes, the money was just there.
The health care industry suffered, now well trained nurses and doctors were out of work but were picked up by pharmaceutical companies and were able to dedicate their time and resources to finding cures for diseases such as cancer. All was prosperous.
However, in the midst loomed a silent but deadly danger that we ignored in our prosperity, good health and vitality. The sheer amounts of methane being expelled from our assholes built up in our atmosphere and the hole in the ozone grew just as quickly as the canned food industry. Even our reduced use of vehicles due to our new-found love of walking did little to help us.
Our greatest scientists went to work immediately trying to figure out just how to fix this. Global temperatures rose to such a degree that even the most patented farming techniques were unable to keep the bean plants from dying in the incredible heat. All of our money and resources went to keeping the greatest global commodity of all time alive, we had no other choice. We knew no better than to eat beans. Heat strokes became as rampant as the black plague, something had to be done.
All over the country, politicians, activists and scientists begged us all to stop eating beans but we wouldn't listen. Eventually, the ice-caps melted and 3/4 of the Earth's population drowned in scalding hot water. Eventually, we got the message, but too little to late. Most of us were gone.
Friends, loved ones, all gone. It took several billion casualties to teach us that Bush made a horrible mistake. As we rebuild, we will have children and teach them and future generations the importance of keeping a secret.
--
Jar-Jar-Binks
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
3
3
Mesa wishes, I wasa smart as yousa.