When will it end

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4 Comments

I live in constant fear, fear of myself. i have not liked myself since the age of around ten.I think my dads constant teasing about my puppy fat was the start of it.then the 6 years in a hostel at the age of 15 when my parents walked out on us.
for years i have obsessed about the way i look i count every calorie that crosses my lips.in the company of strangers i become shy and red faced as i instantly feel i am not good enough to be in there company and they are judging me.If a man smiles at me in the street or a stranger talks to me i feel my heart racing and not in a good way.I miss meals and take laxatives sometimes. I have been with my partner for years and we have a lovely house and an amazing litle girl. Why can't i allow myself to be happy? I am a size 8 and deep down know i am not fat.why is this my focus?
i hate the inside as much as the outside.I am not a bad person but feel like i dont deserve happiness.

Why do i feel like this?
Can i change and how?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 4 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Justin_Case
    13 years ago | pl

    I Hope You Will Get Better, I Am Sorry Your Dad Was A Ass ,As To Tease You
    Your A Beautiful Person , Your Dads A Jerk
    He Needs Help , Any Parent Who Lowers
    Their Childs Self Esteem Needs To Meet
    Me In A Dark Alley , I Wish I Could Meet
    A Girl Who Would Not Worry About Her Looks
    God Bless You Honey

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  • Sarcasm70
    13 years ago | pl

    I do believe things could change for you but I think you need professional help. Don%%u2019t take this bad sweetheart. You just need the guidance of someone objective who would help you see things more clearly. You were not guilty of anything as a child. You were sensitive and your father, without knowing it perhaps, hurt you with his jokes. Your parents abandoned you. No wonder you think you don%%u2019t deserve happiness. But you do deserve it Luv. You deserve to feel good about yourself and to gain more confidence. You need to do it for you first, and then for your daughter, because she will learn from you. Take care.

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  • ShinIod
    11 years ago | pl

    Not your fault but not normal... first, love your body... then take care of it... and if you get healthy... then you can start thinking about weight problems... before all of that... you are just poisoning yourself, girl... talk with your husband... and ask him how would he like to see you... and FOR HELL'S SAKE!!! if he tells you that you look wonderful the way you are... then believe him!!! and only him!!! why the fuck do you need other's approval?

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  • vintagebeauty224
    13 years ago | pl

    something must have scared you in your past because i know tons of people who dream of becoming your size, in fact, not to be mean but have you ever watched the biggest loser? point proven. there is no reason to be ashamed of your weight. true happiness doesent come from a size 2 pair of skinny jeans but instead from within, you have to learn to love yourself first because if you cant love yourself then how are you fullly capaable of loving others? you can start by forgiving your past because whats done is done and you shouldent let the past hold you back from your future. belive in yourslf and have confinence. good luck and God Bless!:)

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