What would you do if you were my parent ?

Not really sure where to start with this but here goes. Basically I'm 23, I've never had a boyfriend and I suck at socialising, always have from school and college, I can't make friends. It's hard for me I'm so alone and I envy other people's lives when I see people I went to school with on Facebook with kids and even married. Yet I'm too scared to take the plunge. I don't get out much and I know my parents worry about me, sure I have a couple of friends here and there that I'm comfortable around but they have their own lives. I've tried group activities but my nerves get the better of me, I've always been quiet I'm better than I was but worse in some ways. I'm always wondering what people are thinking of me, I'm scared to make eye contact, talk, laugh.
It's a strange feeling, I worry before a social event, I could make friends but i don't know how because I don't open my mouth unless someone asks me something,
But sometimes I'm fine. My mum keeps mentioning a partner so I told her how hard it is for me, always worrying, and the fact I can't stop. Anyway I'm going to see a doctor on Tuesday but thinking about it now I feel stupid and maybe they won't be able to help me. Maybe they'll tell me to get over it like my mum does....

I wish I had more friends, and could talk and didn't get so nervous. Idk how anyone can fix me.
Hard to explain on this.. but I have tried my self to fix me but nothing works, I'm inside my head all the time and it's diving me batty. Everytime I see a boy I'm thinking 'is it him I'll end up with, what do I need to do' etc etc 'what is she thinking about me' etc etc.

My mum has a right to worry and she's always asking about boys, yes I have an interest but my mind is consumed by other thoughts, I'm to nervous to talk to anyone. And when she said dad won't hand the business over unless I have a family (which I do want) my mind went into overdrive it was awful. So I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by seeing a doctor I just feel daft.

So I don't know what to do, maybe I'll always be this way.

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Based on 12 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • snorlax

    i think I'm similar to you in a way although i have a lot of good friends but i don't think we can talk much, we meet every two or 3 months laughing, joking, have a good time but actually i wouldn't call anyone one of them if i have a problem.
    so I'm trying to make a new friends you can try to make an online friends have a common things to talk about just to break the ice

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  • Ellenna

    If I were you I'd opt for a therapist rather than a medical doctor because most of them resort to medication.

    I'd suggest Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and don't listen to your mother: telling you to get over it and making threats about the family business indicate she has no idea how to support you and is in fact undermining you.

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  • rayb12

    Are you getting much exercise? A few rounds of pushups even the fake ones and you'll see. We have to get out physical energy or it shoots straight to the brain.

    Not to sound philosophical but your past has no bearing on your present. Don't worry about before. If you want friends that will happen if you are open to it. You clearly are a likeable person. Dress a way you feel confident, shower, and go out with no expectations. The people you see that are comfortable aren't pressuring themselves to speak every word they say and certainly aren't pressuring that they make friends or meet a husband. You are one of these people too, to go out with no expectations.
    I'd say forget about the business also. Maybe it will happen maybe not. But you don't need it and will be miserable marrying just to get it IMO. You will do great it will work fine. I'm not worried that you will make friends and boyfriends

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  • SammyStarts

    I guess it is anxiety. I understand not wanting to open up. Its good your seeing a doctor though. Your mom is ridiculous. She could at least look up something.

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  • Kevinevan

    I'm the same way. Sure I am a sarcastic butthead on here but irl I don't really talk, I'm awkward, I have nothing much to say. Sometimes I'm like you and want a relationship and friends, other times I just accept my friendless lot in life like recluded.

    I did CBT for anxiety for over a decade. I no longer get anxious very much and when I do it's fleeting and I have tools to deal with it. I'm happy i did it cause anxiety sucks but it never really made my life that much better.

    It's expensive and hard work and I only really fixed the inner me not my life. So take that for what you'd like. If I had to do it over I'd avoid any and all meds as they didn't do anything but mess me up worse.

    Best of luck. If you need an online friend reach out. I have a feeling most of us on this site are suffering from this. We all just deal with it differently.

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    • I feel like if I sort my anxiety out I will be able to connect with people because right now I avoid them, avoid social situations.... and actually when someone invites me out I worry but I don't know what I'm worrying about. I fear the worst of everything.

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  • bob7

    First you can start by voice chatting with strangers on the internet like in video games , make online friends to see how easy it is to make friends , then you will be comfortable talking with people irl , it worked for me when i was a young teen

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  • Pumpurrnickel

    It sounds like pretty severe social anxiety. I'm very similar to you. The only way to get over it is to talk to people. It will undoubtedly be awkward.

    But you have to do it if you really want to change. I personally stopped caring. I decided I love living and being alone.

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    • I don't like being alone, I can handle it but I'm going to the doctors soon

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