That was only forty minutes ago for me. My videocom buzzer went and there was a delivery driver at the front of the church with three packages for me. I haven't shaved or showered and look a mess but it was only a delivery driver, what does he care. When I get out there, there were four packages but the fourth isn't for me. It's for someone who has just moved into the church but who I've yet to meet. When I grab my packages, I'm aware of her standing behind me. He must have buzzed her at the same time as me.
She's one of the most attractive women I've ever seen, like a taller, curvier, prettier Jess Ennis and she's in pyjamas. Completely tongue-tied, I didn't welcome her to the church or make polite conversation. What I actually did was stare at her cleavage for about a second and then scuttled back into my apartment to see just how bad I looked. Pretty bad. I had a scab on my face from where I cut myself scratching last night, stubble that is too long to be considered tidy and sleep in my eyes.
For anyone who thinks I am smooth, this is the reality. A pretty face can absolutely flummox me. Thank God I superglued the hole in the crotch of my jeans (even if I am now superglued to them in places that hurt if I sit down too quickly).
Ahh, it's becoming more common here as fewer and fewer people practice christianity and churches are being left empty. The only new churches to be built tend to be mosques.
As for this place, I vow never to live there unless I go to the viewing and immediately feel at home. I got it in my last property (after nine months of looking) and I got it here (although it took 18 months).
The only problem is that delivery drivers never think that there may be apartments in here so food/packages go undelivered. But when someone does deliver takeaway, the next time they come they bring their whole family almost as a day out kind of thing.
P.S. Also kind of nice, it's the church where my great-grandparents and one grandparent got christened and where my great-grandparents were married.
All is well! I am extricated from jeans (with only a little pain) and I have a gorgeous neighbour who is too good for me anyway, so it's not like we were going to get married or anything but she seems very friendly so maybe we'll get to be buds. Not sure what my opening line should be. "Hey, do you want to come and see my robots" probably doesn't cut it with most women.
Omg...robots! I had a robot army once. Only they were mildly retarded. All they did was squeak and bash into each other while bleeping "Old MacDonald". Their eyes glowed red, though. That counts for something, right?
Go with howami's cookie idea. She thinks of good stuff :) And a little bit of surreptitious stalking could be ok :P
You may or may not believe this but I honestly can make my robots "eyes" flash red and play Old MacDonald. They don't have wheels yet (but they will. Oh yes, they will) so they have to be dropped off at their stalking place and can't run away if discovered.
Also if someone treads on them, they die. :/ Terminator they are not.
You so are not! The best you are getting is a YouTube video of my robots doing red-eye and Old McDonald. Which I actually may do for you in lieu of a Christmas present.
You'll be disappointed, though. They're just circuit boards and wires and lights and stuff.
Bring her a plate of cookies to welcome her to the building. Then you have an excuse to visit again to retrieve the plate, or she'll bring it back to you.
Well, the problem is three people have left and three have arrived in the past week and I don't know which one she's in. The other arrivals might be hairy men and I'm not wasting cookies on them.
I might get one of my robots to spy on what time she takes her rubbish out and then take mine out at the same time. Is it still stalking if a machine does it?
Give it time. I'm sure with your keen observation skills you will eventually figure out which door is hers, and which ones belongs to the hairy men. Although, with your luck, she may live with a hairy man. Sorry. :( You can always send me the cookies.
Heh! Are you sure? Nothing much has happened, except the hole in my jeans kept ripping so I had to throw them away and they were my favourite pair. So I went looking through all the jeans I've bought that were sneakily a size smaller than they said they were and didn't fit me and now, because I've lost a little bit of weight recently, I found a pair that fits me perfectly. Wee! They're my new favourites.
As for the girl, haven't seen her since. I should shave, put on my nice new after-shave, and stroll around inside the church making woman-wooing noises (whatever they are). But I'd rather just stay in eating dry Shreddies from the packet and drinking fizzy water. I know how to live the high life, me!
As for the robots, one scared me so I turned it into a media centre and now it plays me videos and doesn't scare me.
And finally, the church. At my front door, the ceiling is about 100ft high and has wooden angels and stuff. Plus I like telling people I have my own personal crypt (which I do but it's full of crap, at the moment. It's my crap-crypt). :D
What were you doing at 12:12pm on 12/12/12?
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That was only forty minutes ago for me. My videocom buzzer went and there was a delivery driver at the front of the church with three packages for me. I haven't shaved or showered and look a mess but it was only a delivery driver, what does he care. When I get out there, there were four packages but the fourth isn't for me. It's for someone who has just moved into the church but who I've yet to meet. When I grab my packages, I'm aware of her standing behind me. He must have buzzed her at the same time as me.
She's one of the most attractive women I've ever seen, like a taller, curvier, prettier Jess Ennis and she's in pyjamas. Completely tongue-tied, I didn't welcome her to the church or make polite conversation. What I actually did was stare at her cleavage for about a second and then scuttled back into my apartment to see just how bad I looked. Pretty bad. I had a scab on my face from where I cut myself scratching last night, stubble that is too long to be considered tidy and sleep in my eyes.
For anyone who thinks I am smooth, this is the reality. A pretty face can absolutely flummox me. Thank God I superglued the hole in the crotch of my jeans (even if I am now superglued to them in places that hurt if I sit down too quickly).
--
malkiot
10 years ago
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charli.m
10 years ago
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flowergirl87
10 years ago
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Why the hell do you live in a church?
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dappled
10 years ago
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I don't know how to answer this because I don't know why you're asking. You seem angry, though. Did I do something wrong?
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malkiot
10 years ago
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It just seems... strange. Churches around here don't really have appartments around here, I don't think.
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Ahh, it's becoming more common here as fewer and fewer people practice christianity and churches are being left empty. The only new churches to be built tend to be mosques.
As for this place, I vow never to live there unless I go to the viewing and immediately feel at home. I got it in my last property (after nine months of looking) and I got it here (although it took 18 months).
The only problem is that delivery drivers never think that there may be apartments in here so food/packages go undelivered. But when someone does deliver takeaway, the next time they come they bring their whole family almost as a day out kind of thing.
P.S. Also kind of nice, it's the church where my great-grandparents and one grandparent got christened and where my great-grandparents were married.
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malkiot
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Hahaha... I doubt that the churches here will ever be converted to appartments. Nothing says homely like high vaulted ceilings xD
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flowergirl87
10 years ago
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High ceilngs are lovely! There's a coverted church down the road and someone lives in it. It's very nice.
Aww :(
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dappled
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All is well! I am extricated from jeans (with only a little pain) and I have a gorgeous neighbour who is too good for me anyway, so it's not like we were going to get married or anything but she seems very friendly so maybe we'll get to be buds. Not sure what my opening line should be. "Hey, do you want to come and see my robots" probably doesn't cut it with most women.
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howaminotmyself
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Omg...robots! I had a robot army once. Only they were mildly retarded. All they did was squeak and bash into each other while bleeping "Old MacDonald". Their eyes glowed red, though. That counts for something, right?
Go with howami's cookie idea. She thinks of good stuff :) And a little bit of surreptitious stalking could be ok :P
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dappled
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You may or may not believe this but I honestly can make my robots "eyes" flash red and play Old MacDonald. They don't have wheels yet (but they will. Oh yes, they will) so they have to be dropped off at their stalking place and can't run away if discovered.
Also if someone treads on them, they die. :/ Terminator they are not.
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charli.m
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:O
...
...
........
I'm coming to steal your robots.
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dappled
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You so are not! The best you are getting is a YouTube video of my robots doing red-eye and Old McDonald. Which I actually may do for you in lieu of a Christmas present.
You'll be disappointed, though. They're just circuit boards and wires and lights and stuff.
At least for now! Mwahaha!
Bring her a plate of cookies to welcome her to the building. Then you have an excuse to visit again to retrieve the plate, or she'll bring it back to you.
And maybe check the mirror first.
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dappled
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Well, the problem is three people have left and three have arrived in the past week and I don't know which one she's in. The other arrivals might be hairy men and I'm not wasting cookies on them.
I might get one of my robots to spy on what time she takes her rubbish out and then take mine out at the same time. Is it still stalking if a machine does it?
--
howaminotmyself
10 years ago
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Give it time. I'm sure with your keen observation skills you will eventually figure out which door is hers, and which ones belongs to the hairy men. Although, with your luck, she may live with a hairy man. Sorry. :( You can always send me the cookies.
And Yay! Robots!!!
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dappled
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She was so pretty, I bet she has two hairy men! And I bet she doesn't even like robots anyway. I'm better off without her. :P
Want a chocolate chip cookie? It's robot-made so the chips are real computer chips. Mucho crunchio!
lol... can we have an update on this situation, please?
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dappled
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Heh! Are you sure? Nothing much has happened, except the hole in my jeans kept ripping so I had to throw them away and they were my favourite pair. So I went looking through all the jeans I've bought that were sneakily a size smaller than they said they were and didn't fit me and now, because I've lost a little bit of weight recently, I found a pair that fits me perfectly. Wee! They're my new favourites.
As for the girl, haven't seen her since. I should shave, put on my nice new after-shave, and stroll around inside the church making woman-wooing noises (whatever they are). But I'd rather just stay in eating dry Shreddies from the packet and drinking fizzy water. I know how to live the high life, me!
As for the robots, one scared me so I turned it into a media centre and now it plays me videos and doesn't scare me.
And finally, the church. At my front door, the ceiling is about 100ft high and has wooden angels and stuff. Plus I like telling people I have my own personal crypt (which I do but it's full of crap, at the moment. It's my crap-crypt). :D