What should i do? what can i do?

There's this girl I've been in love with for 16 years, I could even say that I've never loved another girl as much as I loved her for my whole life.

I'll spare you the long story but she had a really, really, really hard life. We lost contact for several years and I coincidentally met her a few month ago in my city. She asked for my number and seemed pretty happy to see me.

We met yesterday at her dad's place. She has a kid now with a man she's not with anymore. We talked about a lot of things with open hearts and things went really well.

So my question is this: I love her, no matter what. But I don't know if I can find my place in a relationship with a mother that has a child she loves and which isn't mine.
What should I do?

Comment if you have some advices please. Anyone's welcome, really.

Follow love, go with her and take care of her and her child 16
Keep in touch but don't take care of her 2
Avoid being involved with her 2
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Comments ( 15 )
  • If you don’t think you can become a part of the family then I say stay away. It takes a very strong and patient person to enter a partnership with someone who has others they bring along with them.

    I mean this with gentleness, but if you don’t have the ability to be what she, and her child, needs then you need to let someone who is capable be the one with her.

    And to enter a family with your intentions being on her and her alone, you are isolating the other members.

    Edit: You can still be her friend of course, but you can’t steal that slot that needs to be filled

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    • I don't think that I don't have the ability and I don't mind taking care of them because I love her more than anything but I'm more wondering if she will ever let me fill a place in the family.
      For the other members of her family, I have absolutely no trouble with them.

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  • XYXY

    Why are you so negative about the child. If you really can’t deal with that you need to stay away, but this is the 21st century, step parents and step children are part of modern life

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    • Well you know, I've never really had the chance to be properly with her in 16 years I've known her despite unbelievable things I've done to find her, and her child is taking almost all her time now. I kind of feel like I may not fit in this relationship if she doesn't see us as a couple but just as parents. I don't know, maybe I'm selfish but do you know what I mean?

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      • XYXY

        Well it depends a bit on the age of the child, they do grow up, but no harm in seeing how things go. Just don’t get to close to quick

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        • DIO

          The child is 2 years old, almost 3.

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          • XYXY

            That’s a long time to be step dad but on the other hand if you are up to it you could possibly put a lot into that childs life over the years.

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  • SunSnow

    Bro bro bro... If I was in ur place I'd be happy to have her and her small version. U loved her she wants you.. have a chance live with her.
    And the child is maybe other guy but it's a part of her mothers body.
    Once u love the kid she'd be Madly in love with you u will win her heart. A lonely woman with kid always looking for a man who will take care of her and her kid.
    All the best

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    • Thank you for the advice. It's nice of you.

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  • SkullsNRoses

    The child needs to come first, don’t get romantically involved if you aren’t prepared to be the best step father you can be to him/her. Children don’t evaporate at 18, this boy/girl will always come first in their mum’s eyes and if you don’t think you can handle that stay as friends.

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  • d0esnormalmatter

    Don't rule out going for it but do weigh the risks. My gf has a kid right now actually although its not a "typical" relationship and I don't live with her.

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  • greyhat

    If that's truly how you feel then there is nothing you can do other than be friends, or more likely forget her completely due to the romantic attachment. "Follow love, be with her" etc. does not seem to be an option given your mind set even though that is what most would do. you would be more worried about whether or not you'd be a good parental figure rather than if it's a step kid or not

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    • I don't have a problem as loving her child like my own. I've taken care of kids as a job for several years and I know I'll love him since he's from her and I love her.
      But what I'm afraid of is if our couple is going to exist at all in this relationship?
      I don't mind being a parent. But I don't want to be "just" a parent.

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      • greyhat

        Oh ok. you will have to get to know her better I guess, to see if that's how she thinks of you or not

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        • Thanks for the help though. Appreciate it.

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