What's your favorite comeback?

if you want my comeback you'll have to wipe it off your moms face

I find insults pointless. So I always ask people why they think something about me and explain why that's not true. Then they get annoyed at me taking it so seriously and assume I'm autistic. Unbeknownst to them, that's my own comeback, and it works every time.

It depends on the initial comment. But a good one is "Who tugged on your tampon string?"

EAT MY SHORTS

You have the right to be wrong.

Daughter: Mom stop you are not funny! You never make jokes.

Mom: I made you.

Don't get your bowels in an uproar.

My favorite comeback is to think before I speak, then answer honestly and intelligently. Gets them every time.

"Thank you for proving Bukowski right"

The reference is always lost on them, adding further insult to injury

When I was a teenager in high school another student made a hurtful comment about my looks by calling me "Ape face" and because I'm shy I just suffered in silence, but when I look back on it now I think I should of said something like "I'd rather date an ape instead of a shallow pig like you". The guy's insult still hurts to this day and is part of the reason I have low self-esteem :(

You fucking houseplant

Hey your mom left her panties in my car last night will you deliver them to her?

Oh lay an egg!

i know you were faking it. I didnt care. i was just trying to nutt.

"The jerk store called, they're running outta you." George Louis Costanza.

Can't go wrong with the classics. Bite me or Suck it

The best comeback after someone has said something shitty to you is actually to either look at them and let them realize how they sound, or to just kill them with kindness. Truly the best methods. They are the most mature and will make you look good.