What is wrong with me
hi there
I have for a while now realised that something isent quite right with me.
I am a self harmer and i have been for quite a long time though i understand this is supposed to be linked with anxiaty and/or depression i was always possotive that i had neither one of these prolems as i was never really deppressed, i was always unhappy but unhappy with a big genuin smile on my face, as far as i was concerned i was just a cutter.
However now as the years have gone on i am beginning to realise that i am actually really very very depressed, i cut at least once a week, i'm preocupied with thoughts of suicide and death, i hate myself alot and skip work because of how i feel, there are days when i cannot even leave my room because im so misrable and tired and cry at everything and anything, life seems increadably bleak to me.
And yet this severe depression never seems to last more then a month at the most and then i'm ok again. I'm happy,extatic, on top of the world, i feel like i'v been recharging in my depression because im so hyper and feel like i could take on the world, i shop, bake untill 2am,i get bad insomnia, can't eat at all, make life changing decicions that i cannot possibly achieve and don't really want to achieve. But at the same time i'm still preoccupied with my own demise and suicide and death and hatred for myself but i'm so happy it just dosent make sense.
i'v had this problem for a few years now and its getting sooooo tiering, i'm scared of going to my doctor because i'm terifide he'll just wave my prolems away as uninportant and tell me im to young to be depressed or to have manic depression (i'm 21) and i'll be left in the same boat as i was before when i'm really at my wits end.