What if IIN was on the discovery channel?

Here we can examine a curious specimen known as a 'gypsysailor.' Thegypsysailor is a most baffling organism, because its name has little to do with its actual nature. It has aspirations of living on a boat and dating underage members of the opposite sex, but so far it's afraid to approach anything deeper than a bathtub (as indicated by the layers of filth that coat its skin, a sort of natural armor against the elements) and it hardly travels anywhere beyond the local welfare office. It hasn't seen pussy since 1978, but it uses its feigned status as an experienced lover and worldly sailor in hopes of attracting a suitable mate online. Crikey! It's going on an anti-'gawd' rampage! Perhaps he didn't enjoy being dragged to Mass by his mother!