What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever done?

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  • Nikclaire
    3 years ago | pl

    "Everyone needs to be broken, beaten, starved, frozen, overdosed, suffocated, whatever you choose, you need to die."

    I've done all except suffocated, plus I've been homeless, penniless and destitute on top of it.

    Here is the problem tho. Not a direct quote but close to it is: "If you stare too long into the abyss, eventually the abyss will stare back at you."

    Once this happens you are forever changed and you come out a completely different person on the other side. For me, I will never trust anyone again. I am broken and I will not regain my trust of humans.

    I don't think DNM could survive what you are suggesting. Not many people can. It's a nice thought that we come out stronger, but even if we do, a part of us is forever missing.

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    • KholatKhult
      3 years ago | pl

      Twice I’ve completely lost myself; when I ran away to Mongolia and when I did my months of solitary confinement.

      Which is funny, because in the first scenario I could go anywhere, Mongolia is so open and expansive I could just travel for days, but in solitary I couldn’t go anywhere. Complete opposites that issued the same “turn your brain off and just survive” response.

      It’s true you never come back, but I think that “mid-life death” can be a powerful tool. I’m /nothing/ like who I was before Mongolia, and absolutely a different person after prison.

      But I think I’m for the better now, picked up a few nasty elements to my edge, but I’d rather be working to fix things I know are wrong then to blindly be a menace.

      I’m not saying DNM is a bad guy, but I think he needs to kick a few addictions and comforts, going blank might help that.

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    • d0esnormalmatter
      3 years ago | pl

      I agree except for the part of calling me a pussy! Ya'll act like I haven't dealt with anything before. Suicidal as fuck for years doing self harm, addicted to porn, hiding the fact that I've left Christianity from my family for 4 fucking years when I know they would kill me if I found out.

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      • Nikclaire
        3 years ago | pl

        Ever been without a safety net tho? No one to turn to for help, to fall back on? Just you and God(or whatever you believe in) to figure it all out?

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        • d0esnormalmatter
          3 years ago | pl

          Well that's me right now pretty much. No family. No super close friends. Not in a relationship. I don't even believe in god so if anything I have to be even more self dependent.

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          • Nikclaire
            3 years ago | pl

            So you pay your rent, food, utilities, have no childhood home to return to, have no one to call if you car breaks down or you wind up in hospital?

            I am not saying you have it all good, just saying you have safety nets to fall back on and that is vastly different.

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            • d0esnormalmatter
              3 years ago | pl

              Yes I have that. My family is like 10 hours away but if my life was in danger, ya they would do something. I get a lot of financial support to. If my car breaks down I have a roommate who I'd call and then my parents maybe.

              It feels weird trying to argue how bad off I am. Overall I'm really not. At least things could be a lot worse.

              To be fair, I thought you were referring to like emotional support as opposed to financial. My parents and grandparents are helping me a ton financially of course.

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