Wear girl clothes

i like wearing girl clothes and fantasize myself being a girl though i am straight and like girls. later i started imagining becoming a girl and having lesbian sex with another girl. lesbians always attracted me though in ways guys are attracted to them. earlier i used to sniff girl panties and imagine the girl wearing it but didnt wear them. i always wanted to know how girls felt. also people used to tell me that i look like a girl and i hated that and always wanted to look more manly. and i am very afraid of girls. also a senior of around IX standard made me suck his p__is when i was in nursery. i still hate that guy.
is it normal or do i have some psychological problem? i am very troubled with it. thanks.