Watching the world go by.

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9 Comments

To start I would like to say a few things about myself I suppose. I'm a 22 year old white male, in perfect physical health, pretty athletic as far as my build goes.. I'm very smart, nothing I really can't learn to do. I don't usually talk about my problems. I listen to other peoples, and try to comfort them, I guess it just feels like maybe I need some help. I don't really know what's wrong with me... I feel like I'm stuck. I used to love life, take in everything. Love to look up at the sky and feel small, and admire the beauty of the thing that is the world we live in. Now, I'm just trying to distract myself in order to make it through the day. If I run out of distractions my thoughts kick in and I get extremely depressed. The only reason I have not taken my own life is the feeling that I would leave so many people hurting behind and I couldn't do that to anyone... A little over a year ago, my grandfather passed away, first person that I've significantly cared about in my life to ever pass... And since then nothing has went right for me. I lost my job, I lost my scholarship to college. My life is circling the drain and I don't know how to fix it... I've never done any drugs really, and don't do anything to harm myself... My feelings don't work anymore like they did before. I don't get happy, sad, or any other feelings for very long. I have nothing in my life I care to live for except not hurting people... And I don't know what to do... Thanks for reading this and for your time and comments. I appreciate any help or suggestions.

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Comments ( 9 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • xino00
    12 years ago | pl

    "Love to look up at the sky and feel small, and admire the beauty of the thing that is the world we live in. "

    lol...like a fake happy ending movie:P

    it sounds like you are unhappy and missing something.

    you lost your job? have you been looking for a job very day?
    do you have a partner (finance/girlfriend?) to love and comfort?
    what do you do to keep your mind off depressive thoughts?

    I mean I lost my damn job too? I'm rapidly looking for a new one. I don't get depress but I am getting worried about not finding a new job since it as been a damn 1 month now.
    I do stuff to keep my mind busy because it's dead boring. Use the internet, play games, watch movies etc will get my mind busy.

    and one and foremost, I believe in Jesus Christ that makes me very happy and I don't have to worry about anything.

    do what I do:P

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  • Who_Fan4Life
    12 years ago | pl

    OMG...this sounds like my life almost in a nutshell (besides some of the things you went through). Anyways, I'll give it my best shot because I'm in kinda the same boat and I'm glad to help.

    "I don't get happy, sad, or any other feelings for very long. I have nothing in my life I care to live for except not hurting people..."

    Wow, sounds like what I'm going through. I don't really seem to have a purpose in life (that's sadly how I feel right now). About the whole job/college thing. You can ALWAYS find another job and get back into school. Let me tell you this, the scholarship that you lost isn't the end of the world. You can always get into a community college or trade school and build yourself back up. But it's way easier said than done. Like right now for me, I'm trying hard to get back into school and get my life straightened out.

    You sound like you're depressed and feel like you're in a rut. Do you have any family or good friends that can help you? If you find that you can't get out of the rut, I'd honestly see a doctor and simply explain what's wrong.

    I feel that was a shitty advice giving session there, but I hope it helps.

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  • Bootyfull
    7 years ago | pl

    maricon

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  • hockidy
    12 years ago | pl

    i know how you feel... having people i can trust helps me more than anything else.

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  • dollcandy
    12 years ago | pl

    Oh and where are you going? You said you were stuck.

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  • dollcandy
    12 years ago | pl

    Hey....well, what are the thoughts your running from?

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  • Enyap
    12 years ago | pl

    I appreciate the comments... Yeah, I don't complain about my life very much, and I do consider myself lucky to some degree I suppose. But it doesn't stop me from being depressed. =/

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  • SassyFrassyLassie_old
    12 years ago | pl

    Everyone goes through highs and lows throughout their lives: You are normal for having a low right now.

    You may want to read some books (since you're a self-professed smarty) about depression, or even talk to a psychologist while you work your way through & out of this low.

    Start focusing on the things in your life that you are grateful for; like the people who care for you and your good health (some people have neither - consider yourself lucky).

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  • dappled
    12 years ago | pl

    It won't come as any surprise to you but I think you are depressed.

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