I'd say YES, you were definitely harassed, whether you should report it or not I'm unsure. On one hand I lean toward yes, because you were wronged clearly, I believe your story, and also you may not be his first OR last victim....but on the other hand, it's iffy because it's your word against his....and based on your story, if there is video surveillance of what went on it still may not be clear who did what and it may even paint you in a bad light because you say you grabbed and squeezed back (I understand WHY you did it, and in no way am I blaming you, I'm just saying, it may look bad for you).
One thing I noticed about your post was that you did a lot of assuming of what he 'knew' or should know, or should have notice and recognized. That's your first mistake. Never assume you know what they know (or they know what you know), or are on the same page. Also, he may 'know' but not care. You just can't ever be sure about what's going on in someone's head. You let those assumptions put you at risk. Please don't take that as a statement of blame, I understand how you're thinking and why and all, I'm simply saying assumptions are worthless when it comes to this sort of thing and it's best to err on the side of caution.
This man was in the least unprofessional and at worst probably criminal. You did nothing wrong because you shouldn't have to deal with this shit EVER, you shouldn't have to be put in this position. Sucks that it happens though, and for your own safety you just need to put out the 'never fuck with me' vibe. I think he took advantage of your personality and your joking manner, which is shitty, but it's what people do. Some people are predators and they just know how to sniff out the best victims, they'll take any weakness you have and exploit it. I guess what I'm saying is, you can't change what other people do really, you can only change how you are and how you deal with things, so be strong, firm and upfront and be 100% professional at work. I think you gave this man an inch and he took a mile, and that's typical.
Sorry I can't help you more with whether or not to report it, I'd say just consider ALL angles, all pro's and con's before deciding. Some of the things you said about how he did this and that make me really think though that this isn't his first rodeo. I really don't know though, whether or not to report it.
One of the more annoying things about being a female.
Be soft and nice and friendly, people will like you, guys will like you, but they'll try to step all over you.
Put out the tough girl, "don't fuck with me I might be packing" vibe and you're safe... but now everyone's intimidated by you and you get lots of rude comments everywhere you go.
But that may be in part becasue people in my hometown are close minded bigots. :) I wonder how they manage with the college here, all us freaks running around offending their rural sensiblities. ;P
Thank you.
My manager is also a friend of mine in the company, and I told him not to send me there again. You're right, I might have given him too much of an inch. I am used to being flirt with at work so maybe I don't recognize it anymore when it happens. If he weren't married, I'd report him in an instant but I don't want this, in any way, becoming a my word against his situation because he would be the far more credible source (his age, work experience, etc.)/
Was this sexual harassment?
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I'd say YES, you were definitely harassed, whether you should report it or not I'm unsure. On one hand I lean toward yes, because you were wronged clearly, I believe your story, and also you may not be his first OR last victim....but on the other hand, it's iffy because it's your word against his....and based on your story, if there is video surveillance of what went on it still may not be clear who did what and it may even paint you in a bad light because you say you grabbed and squeezed back (I understand WHY you did it, and in no way am I blaming you, I'm just saying, it may look bad for you).
One thing I noticed about your post was that you did a lot of assuming of what he 'knew' or should know, or should have notice and recognized. That's your first mistake. Never assume you know what they know (or they know what you know), or are on the same page. Also, he may 'know' but not care. You just can't ever be sure about what's going on in someone's head. You let those assumptions put you at risk. Please don't take that as a statement of blame, I understand how you're thinking and why and all, I'm simply saying assumptions are worthless when it comes to this sort of thing and it's best to err on the side of caution.
This man was in the least unprofessional and at worst probably criminal. You did nothing wrong because you shouldn't have to deal with this shit EVER, you shouldn't have to be put in this position. Sucks that it happens though, and for your own safety you just need to put out the 'never fuck with me' vibe. I think he took advantage of your personality and your joking manner, which is shitty, but it's what people do. Some people are predators and they just know how to sniff out the best victims, they'll take any weakness you have and exploit it. I guess what I'm saying is, you can't change what other people do really, you can only change how you are and how you deal with things, so be strong, firm and upfront and be 100% professional at work. I think you gave this man an inch and he took a mile, and that's typical.
Sorry I can't help you more with whether or not to report it, I'd say just consider ALL angles, all pro's and con's before deciding. Some of the things you said about how he did this and that make me really think though that this isn't his first rodeo. I really don't know though, whether or not to report it.
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shade_ilmaendu
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One of the more annoying things about being a female.
Be soft and nice and friendly, people will like you, guys will like you, but they'll try to step all over you.
Put out the tough girl, "don't fuck with me I might be packing" vibe and you're safe... but now everyone's intimidated by you and you get lots of rude comments everywhere you go.
But that may be in part becasue people in my hometown are close minded bigots. :) I wonder how they manage with the college here, all us freaks running around offending their rural sensiblities. ;P
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Queen^of^Spades
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that is so true!
yep. seriously.
Thank you.
My manager is also a friend of mine in the company, and I told him not to send me there again. You're right, I might have given him too much of an inch. I am used to being flirt with at work so maybe I don't recognize it anymore when it happens. If he weren't married, I'd report him in an instant but I don't want this, in any way, becoming a my word against his situation because he would be the far more credible source (his age, work experience, etc.)/