I feel terrible for you and I'm worried about why you're depressed. this happened to me when my mom killed herself and blamed me, I tortured myself mercilessly, physical pain was the only thing that could relieve me. things would get bigger and smaller, and "warp." I think I tried to lie to myself and tell myself I liked it, I'm not sure, it was so long ago and it was in my head. I think I tried to make it happen by looking at things, I wanted to be crazy, I told myself it was cool and unique and as soon as I wanted it, it went away. find something else to focus on that isn't dangerous, maybe get an opiate like heroin or morphine and do enough research to know how to do it safely. try and only focus on something you love but don't get obsessed. I'm so glad I'm over that shit.
very mild illusions or hallucinations....
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I feel terrible for you and I'm worried about why you're depressed. this happened to me when my mom killed herself and blamed me, I tortured myself mercilessly, physical pain was the only thing that could relieve me. things would get bigger and smaller, and "warp." I think I tried to lie to myself and tell myself I liked it, I'm not sure, it was so long ago and it was in my head. I think I tried to make it happen by looking at things, I wanted to be crazy, I told myself it was cool and unique and as soon as I wanted it, it went away. find something else to focus on that isn't dangerous, maybe get an opiate like heroin or morphine and do enough research to know how to do it safely. try and only focus on something you love but don't get obsessed. I'm so glad I'm over that shit.