Unfortunate family history

As someone who was sexually abused as a child, I, too would like to know what urge you're talking about. As for your sister, I would strongly advise against trying to go into detail about the incidents for the simple reason that at the time you abused her, you, as her older (or so it sounds like) brother, had the power in the situation. At any rate, for this to have happened, she must have felt powerless - so allow her the chance to control this situation now, and help her regain a sense of control over her own life by doing so. Ultimately you've done what you can - and I have to say, it's a lot more than most abusers would do, so kudos for that. But now she has to go through the process of her own healing which, while it may never be complete, may reach a point where she can try to speak to you again in future. I like the other poster's idea about the life insurance, but something that would be more immediately useful would be if you could pay for her to see a psychologist or other such professional. Finding someone trained in EMDR really helped me - HUGELY. This stuff isn't something that fixes itself, and the damage varies not only with what actually took place, but also her age at the time. Good luck.

I can't really give you advice because for 4 years, between the time I was 9-13, my older brother molested me. Because of this, I am emotionally damaged & although I've handled it a lot better than most people have, I'll never be the same. You don't move on from this, you don't get over this, you don't accept this. I've never been close w/ my brother, this isn't the only reason, but when we are around each other, it is very uncomfortable for both of us. He has been having emotional problems his entire life & does drugs as well & is constantly drunk. My question for you, if you know the answer, is why did you molest your sister? I don't want to put you down in any way, I just want to know. My mom believes that people who molest people have been molested themselves. My grandfather was a child molestor, apparently of both females & males, & my mom believes he molested my brother, which may be a reason for my brother molesting me. I don't know what you're going through, but I do know what your sister is going through & I can say that even though she may be upset w/ you & hurt by you & that hurt will never go away, she'll always love you because you're her brother. Just keep your head up & hope that your sister comes around.

wow.

It's good that you of your own accord have faced up to the wrong you did. I assume you apologized to your sister, although you didn't say so.

Two of my brothers molested our little sister, but I didn't know about it at the time because I wasn't living with them then. Later, when I was living there I was tempted to do the same, but I resisted, because I love my sister and I didn't want to hurt her.

Years later when our sister revealed the molestation she was troubled by the thought that she must have done something to encourage them or lead them on. She felt guilty. At that time I wanted to try to bring her some comfort and let her know that it wasn't her fault.

I told her that I had similar thoughts and it wasn't because of anything she did, it was because I was a horny teenager and she was there, and I felt that by me being bigger I could take advantage. I also told her that I resisted the urge because I loved her. I was embarrassed and ashamed to even admit I had thought of such a thing but I thought it was important for her to know that it wasn't her fault what our brothers did to her.
At that point somebody else who was listening in to our conversation interrupted with his comments about our brothers and then the subject got changed, so she never commented on my confession.

I would stay away from her. Speaking from someone who's experienced this kind of thing before.

What urge would that be??? I don't mean this to sound harsh, but I have to be brutally blunt. You are not the victim in this situation, your sister is. You shouldn't talk about it w/ your sister because it's over now & because you're right, it'd be too uncomfortable for your sister. My brother hasn't brought it up in the last 5 years & I guarantee he probably never will for the same reason. Yes, you can't undue it, but you can ask God for His forgiveness towards you because that's all you really can do. How old was your sister then, btw, & how old is she now?

Most likely you are right. You've written the letter. The ball's in her court, but don't hold your breath. She may be working through related problems of her own.
The best you can do is to try to live a productive life from now on. It might make you feel better to buy a substantial life insurance policy and name her and/or her children as beneficiary.

I say get married and then do the same thing to your daughter. (jk)

Apparently this is common is families.

I would BEG her to go to therapy w/ you, as there is NO PUTTING THIS BEHIND YOU or her, just working through it.

Nothing will ever heal without being confronted and dealt with; in fact, I will never be close to anyone that cannot talk about serious problems. Not worth the energy.

What will god do? What will anything do? A terrible thing happened and theres nothing you can do. What happened, happened, and couldn't have happened in any other way. You just have to accept the mistake you have done and move on. Enjoy life do what you have to do to be happy again. Weather thats trying to connect with your sister about it or just ignoring her for a while it doesn't matter. Just be positive on the things you think and do.

hmm. i cant imagine how your sister must feel, but you sound so sorry for what you've done and i think maybe you should just move away and gorgive yourself. you were young, and as long as you never hurt your sister or anyone else in such a way again, you deserve a second chance.