Trust issues...iin?

79% Normal
7 Comments

I guess I am writing this as an outlet as well as a question. I dont know who to talk to about this to, and I feel that it is affecting me greatly. I have never had a boyfriend and I want to experience a real relationship desperately. Until recently I never knew why I couldn't connect with the opposite sex. I'm about to list why I believe I struggle with this to this day: My dad was in the military for almost 30 years, he was never a very warm person and a lot of the times I felt like I was walking on eggshells just to talk to him. My brother was always very mean to me. For years I would be harrassed by him. Daily, he would tell me how ugly I was and point out every flaw about myslef. My best friends dad "touched" me on several occasions and I never told anyone. Throughout middle school boys did not like me, I was considered a nerd and had NO self-esteem. Never had a male friend until around sophomore year in highschool and still was never comfortable around males in general. In fact I think I was scared of men. Never had a good relationship with one until I got older, but when I try dating men it usually ends soon after it stars. I do not know how to be myself around a guy or how to open up. I think that is why these relationships never work out for me. Does anyone know ways that I can learn to trust? Or how to be myself?

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79% Normal
Based on 19 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Therapy might help and also finding a guy with a good personality who is patient with you too

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  • MsRLM
    13 years ago

    I'm sorry to see what you have gone through but glad you got the help you needed. I would seek a therapist if I could but unfortunately my dad has retired from the military and now that I am 23 years old I no longer have health insurance. But I will definitley look into reading that book :)

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  • thinkingaboutit
    13 years ago

    Sorry I think that you need a therapist. Your reluctance to get close to men is 1000% normal. I had no dad and barely a mother growing up. My brother constantly abused me, and my first boyfriend raped me. (We kind of have similar circumstances besides the bestfriend-dad thing). The reason I'm saying this is because it also led me to the same place your at now. What honestly helped me is therapy because you can cry and scream and laugh and talk, comfortably. Therapists are there to help guide you through your own experiences. To be frank, you have to trust and value yourself before you enter a deep, interpersonal relationship.You are the most valuable and precious thing in your life, and its like, SO understandable that you cant/dont just give yourself away. Anywho, if you can please get a therapist. I want to tell you to tell your parents about your bestfriends dad, but, obviously I cant. You need support though. One last thing, I just recently started reading "Breaking the chain of low self esteem" by marilyn j sorensen. Great book to read to begin understanding yourself!

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  • MsRLM
    13 years ago

    Thank you for taking the time to write me those kind words. I'm glad to see that you overcame or atleast learned to deal with those obstacles in your life. I need to take time to learn myself and grow as a person. Thank you again.

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  • jensapa
    13 years ago

    Maybe you need some therapy to work through your issues and build your self esteem.

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  • Eleria
    13 years ago

    Well, look into the mirror; look at yourself, and every little thing you see. Immerse yourself with what you see, and began thinking what you like about yourself, what you find attractive, and what you think a guy might like about it. If you think you find none, then reflect upon your personality, is it good? Is it bad? Is it charming?
    Try socializing with girls who still bat their eyelash on guys. What kind of guy is good? What kind of guy is worth your trust and love? How to give your guy the attention he wants? The more you know, the more you understand that guys aren't all harassers.
    Have more girl friends, and hang out with them. They might be helpful at times, after all, they are girls, just like you.
    If you find it hard to socialize with girls, you need to build up your self-esteem. Be more confidence, and always know deep inside that you're special. List all the good things about yourself, and keep it with you.
    If you still has that trust issue, try learning martial arts :P

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  • dappled
    13 years ago

    I can relate to a lot of what you say and there are reasons why I also find it difficult to trust. The negative side is that I think what happened to you (and to me) will impact on both of us until the day we die. But that's not to say you can't find coping mechanisms, like I did.

    No-one has any pixie dust which will suddenly make you anything other than you are and the mechanisms you decide on are liable to be very personal to you, so I don't think I could even suggest any.

    The problems you face are true of most things in life. There just isn't an easy, instant solution. What I hope for you is that you get a growing realisation of who you are, who you want to be, and how you can move closer to being that person. As a woman, I'd assume you have a better sense of yourself than I did, as a man. With that in mind, I'd be hopeful for you.

    I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope that you don't need it.

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