Traumatized and unable to move on...

47% Normal
5 Comments

For the majority of my life I was extremely shy around boys. It took me literally until I was about 20 to start relaxing a bit. Before this I had gone out on a few dates and had the occasional make out/fool around college stuff, but nothing ever worked out and I always felt like the guys I was around didn't really know me enough for me to want to sleep with them.

I tried unsuccessfully to reach that point in a relationship a few times but eventually become frustrated and kind of gave up.

At 22 this "giving up" allowed me to have a wonderful friendship with a boy. I saw him everyday and talked to him everyday for an entire year until I could no longer ignore the fact that I was attracted to him and in love with him. I wondered what was wrong with me to make him never want to take our friendship to the next level.

Shortly after my 23rd birthday he finally did make a move. I was very grateful that I had waited because I was very much in love. The only problem is that apparently he wasn't feeling the same way. He betrayed me in so many ways, he even slept with some of my friends.

I know, I know. He sounds like a terrible person and I'm not denying that he may be a huge a**hole. However, he has left me with so much pain. I've become a severely bitter person. I am constantly asked out by men around me but shoot them down because of what he did to me.

I tried talking with him to see if that would help me get over this but he told me really horrible things like he couldn't ever be with me because "it was was too real" or that "if he dated me he would just marry me". Doesn't really help the situation does it?

Ugh. I hate this.

Voting Results
47% Normal
Based on 64 votes (30 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Jim_Pfoss
    15 years ago

    Sounds like you are putting too much at stake too early. You can date without commitment beyond the free/shared meal/entertainment you get for the evening.
    You don't have to sleep with anyone until you are good and ready, and decent guys won't expect it. Life is not what happens on TV. Real people, including men, are damn careful about their affections.

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    • IveGotBallsOfSteal
      14 years ago

      Very nicely put, Jim_Pfoss. Girl you gotta just take a step back and figure out what's really important to you. Is sex really all that important to you right now? Don't feel obligated to it. It sounds like you're a normal person who gets a lot more out of the companionship that the physical side, just like most everyone else, men included.
      Dont get discouraged, there's decent guys out there. Your friend there was wrong and mislead you, but you didn't lay your card down for him when you should have. People should know how you feel about them if you're going to have sex with them. I'm not saying it's your fault but just try and learn from this. Sorry to hear it worked out so crappy though...

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  • povich031
    13 years ago

    You need to pull your shit together! Ya so you crashed and burned once! Big fucking deal. Guess what unless you turn into a lesbian you will probably crash and burn lots before you find the right guy, and believe me there is a guy out there that is right for you. I have to give that other guy credit for putting in the time to nail you but believe me when I say that not all guys are like that and you need to get over it right chicken looey!! Your not getting any younger. Wake up

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  • Alaskaraven
    14 years ago

    It is a fact of MOST lives that we tend to 'fall in love' with our first. At least we think we are.

    And it doesn't help that you actually waited until you probably WERE in love w/ him to sleep w/ him. Sounds like HE only waited until he was horny and you were the only one around...

    That's why statistically, ppl that marry as virgins have a greater chance of staying married [longer than the rest of us, anyway].

    STOP kicking yourself, write him off as an asshole, and stop punishing those men that might really be the good, kind, decent, stable guy you are looking for.

    But, remember what Oprah always says, "LISTEN TO THAT LITTLE VOICE INSIDE!!!" So, follow your gut instinct, blow off the users and losers.

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  • BayonetKnifeFighter
    14 years ago

    He's a douchebag. He doesn't really love you hes just using you for sex. I had the same problem, I asked this girl out for the first time in my life in 11th grade, got shot down and never tried since. At least youve experienced more than I have.

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