Toying with tsa

So I hope you find this story amusing.
My wife and I are both in our 60's. We have humbly reached the point in life where we depend on Depends. Yes the dependable adult diaper.

Anyways, we were traveling to Sacramento to visit our daughter and our little grandson. We had our plane tickets and we were standing in line getting ready to get checked by TSA.

Keep in mind, we are in our mid 60's and I've paid my dues. When I travel I want to be comfortable so I'm wearing a loose fitting jogging suit, socks, t-shirt, tennis shoes and of course my Depends diaper.

We've gone through the line and we're finally there. Of course we have to take off our shoes etc. and let them X-ray our carry-ons as TSA does.

Then at the other side you're supposed to step behind an X-ray screen so the TSA agent can see if you have anything threatening on your person.

Just so you know, you aren't allowed to take any kind of liquid on the plane so don't put your bottle of expensive perfume or cologne in your carry on bag because TSA will definitely confiscate it.

Anyways, back to the story.
The carry on bags went through just fine and I'm getting ready to step behind the X-Ray screen and all of a sudden I start peeing in my Depends. The timing was absolutely unbelievable! I'm thinking, this should be interesting. So there I stand in front of this female TSA agent, peeing in my diaper while I'm getting x-rayed and she's literally watching me pee and she seemed absolutely mesmerized by this as she stood there watching me pee in my diaper. I was having a hard time keeping a straight face because I knew what she was staring at. She couldn't take her eyes off of it!!

So she had me step out, and I quote, "Stand over there!" so she could go get a male TSA agent. Did she not realize what she just saw??

She came back with the male TSA agent and she pointed right at my groin area and said, "He's got concealed liquid right there!" I think as soon as she said that my wife figured out what had happened and wanted to intervene but I think she was starting to see the humor in this, besides I kinda gave her the sign that everything was just fine. LOL.

The young man had me turn around and put my hands above my head while he started groping me on my genitals, and croch, looking for some kind of container I guess. After all, he was just acting on what the girl had told him. My wife is over there trying to keep a straight face, and wondering what her fun loving husband was going to do next.

Finally I said, "STOP!!" and I turned around. My wife is watching in anticipation wondering what's next.

Remember I was wearing loose fitting sweat pants with a stretchy waste band. The depends pullups are designed to tear on the sides to make them easy to remove. So I reached down both side of my sweat pants to tear the disposable diaper on both sides where it's perforated and I pulled it out from between my legs and out the front of my sweat pants and held up the open diaper soaked in yellow pee so the TSA agents could see it, as well as everybody else in line.

Now my wife was now laughing and blushing at the same time. I was holding this open wet diaper right in front of the TSA Agent's faces and they were literally lost for words. So I said, "Well? Are you going to confiscate this liquid or not??" They didn't know what to do or say. They definitely didn't want to touch my soaked diaper so I just laid it on the counter, and my wife and I grabbed our stuff and we walked away laughing. Other people were laughing as well.

Once we got away from TSA my wife pulled a clean diaper out of her purse and pointed to the men's room and said, "You better go put this on. We have a long flight ahead of us." LOL

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Comments ( 43 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Well, there goes 3 minutes of my life I'm never getting back.

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  • Fiction. Most 60 year olds aren't incontinent, and nobody pulls off their piss soaked diaper infront of tsa agents without any shame and whilst finding the whole thing funny.

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  • I got fondled when I went through the airport they told me they randomly pat down people coming through and I just so happened to be the one. Dude was like touching around my balls and everything. I was like "hey man does the scanner not work or something" he said no this is completely normal as he stuck his fingers in my crack

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  • It was quite well-written, I thought.

    I can deduce from it that diaper fetish guy must be a user over 60. But that cohesive narrative with a nice little punchline and zero actual smut, isn't really what I'd have expected from him.

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  • I used to have an above average IQ but after reading all this Bullshit, I think I'm dumber than I was yesterday!!LOL

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  • Yes I did just copy paste the entire screen play of shrek on a stupid post.

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    • It should be noted that I've upvoted every single person who's disagreed with me here, as far as I know. That said. In 7th grade, I took an SAT test without preparing for it at all, it was spur-of-the-moment, I knew about it about an hour ahead of time and didn't do any research or anything. I scored higher on it than the average person using it to apply for college in my area. An IQ test has shown me to be in the 99.9th percentile for IQ. This is the highest result the test I was given reaches; anything further and they'd consider it to be within the margin of error for that test. My mother's boyfriend of 8 years is an aerospace engineer who graduated Virginia Tech. At the age of 15, I understand physics better than him, and I owe very little of it to him, as he would rarely give me a decent explanation of anything, just tell me that my ideas were wrong and become aggravated with me for not quite understanding thermodynamics. He's not particularly successful as an engineer, but I've met lots of other engineers who aren't as good as me at physics, so I'm guessing that's not just a result of him being bad at it. I'm also pretty good at engineering. I don't have a degree, and other than physics I don't have a better understanding of any aspect of engineering than any actual engineer, but I have lots of ingenuity for inventing new things. For example, I independently invented regenerative brakes before finding out what they were, and I was only seven or eight years old when I started inventing wireless electricity solutions (my first idea being to use a powerful infrared laser to transmit energy; admittedly not the best plan). I have independently thought of basically every branch of philosophy I've come across. Every question of existentialism which I've seen discussed in SMBC or xkcd or Reddit or anywhere else, the thoughts haven't been new to me. Philosophy has pretty much gotten trivial for me; I've considered taking a philosophy course just to see how easy it is. Psychology, I actually understand better than people with degrees. Unlike engineering, there's no aspect of psychology which I don't have a very good understanding of. I can debunk many of even Sigmund Freud's theories. I'm a good enough writer that I'm writing a book and so far everybody who's read any of it has said it was really good and plausible to expect to have published. And that's not just, like, me and family members, that counts strangers on the Internet. I've heard zero negative appraisal of it so far; people have critiqued it, but not insulted it. I don't know if that will suffice as evidence that I'm intelligent. I'm done with it, though, because I'd rather defend my maturity, since it's what you've spent the most time attacking. The following are some examples of my morals and ethical code. I believe firmly that everybody deserves a future. If we were to capture Hitler at the end of WWII, I would be against executing him. In fact, if we had any way of rehabilitating him and knowing that he wasn't just faking it, I'd even support the concept of letting him go free. This is essentially because I think that whoever you are in the present is a separate entity from who you were in the past and who you are in the future, and while your present self should take responsibility for your past self's actions, it shouldn't be punished for them simply for the sake of punishment, especially if the present self regrets the actions of the past self and feels genuine guilt about them. I don't believe in judgement of people based on their personal choices as long as those personal choices aren't harming others. I don't have any issue with any type of sexuality whatsoever (short of physically acting out necrophilia, pedophilia, or other acts which have a harmful affect on others - but I don't care what a person's fantasies consist of, as long as they recognize the difference between reality and fiction and can separate them). I don't have any issue with anybody over what type of music they listen to, or clothes they wear, etc. I know that's not really an impressive moral, but it's unfortunately rare; a great many people, especially those my age, are judgmental about these things. I love everyone, even people I hate. I wish my worst enemies good fortune and happiness. Rick Perry is a vile, piece of shit human being, deserving of zero respect, but I wish for him to change for the better and live the best life possible. I wish this for everyone. I'm pretty much a pacifist. I've taken a broken nose without fighting back or seeking retribution, because the guy stopped punching after that. The only time I'll fight back is if 1) the person attacking me shows no signs of stopping and 2) if I don't attack, I'll come out worse than the other person will if I do. In other words, if fighting someone is going to end up being more harmful to them than just letting them go will be to me, I don't fight back. I've therefore never had a reason to fight back against anyone in anything serious, because my ability to take pain has so far made it so that I'm never in a situation where I'll be worse off after a fight. If I'm not going to get any hospitalizing injuries, I really don't care. The only exception is if someone is going after my life. Even then, I'll do the minimum amount of harm to them that I possibly can in protecting myself. If someone points a gun at me and I can get out of it without harming them, I'd prefer to do that over killing them. I consider myself a feminist. I don't believe in enforced or uniform gender roles; they may happen naturally, but they should never be coerced into happening unnaturally. As in, the societal pressure for gender roles should really go, even if it'll turn out that the majority of relationships continue operating the same way of their own accord. I treat women with the same outlook I treat men, and never participate in the old Reddit "women are crazy" circlejerk, because there are multiple women out there and each have different personalities just like there are multiple men out there and each with different personalities. I don't think you do much of anything except scare off the awesome women out there by going on and on about the ones who aren't awesome. That doesn't mean I look for places to victimize women, I just don't believe it's fair to make generalizations such as the one about women acting like everything's OK when it's really not (and that's a particularly harsh example, because all humans do that). I'm kind of tired of citing these examples and I'm guessing you're getting tired of reading them, if you've even made it this far. In closing, the people who know me in real life all respect me, as do a great many people in the Reddit brony community, where I spend most of my time and where I'm pretty known for being helpful around the community. A lot of people in my segment of the community are depressed or going through hard times, and I spend a lot of time giving advice and support to people there. Yesterday someone quoted a case of me doing this in a post asking everyone what their favorite motivational/inspirational quote was, and that comment was second to the top, so I guess other people agreed (though, granted, it was a pretty low-traffic post, only about a dozen competing comments). And, uh, I'm a pretty good moderator. All that, and I think your behavior in this thread was totally assholish. So what do you think, now that you at least slightly know me?

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      • For someone with such a brilliant mind,
        and a writer to boot, you should learn what a paragraph is.

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      • I'm amazed that someone who knows so much and has achieved so much has never learned the location and correct use of the carriage return key.

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        • Actually I removed the line breaks from the original to make it even more annoying

          classic copypasta from here
          https://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/sf2e7/i_sent_gabe_newell_a_question_about_what_his_life/c4dmknx/

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      • You are a nice person I assume. I didnt do it maliciously to you. Just to piss off charli.m.
        Plus I was bored and oddly focused for that 20 minute long copy paste fest.

        Idk now this post will get more traffic. So there may be an uptick in responses now that it's currently no 2 on the popular posts list.

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        • Dare thee, in goodness' sake, repeat what thou hast declared towards my being, infimal canine female? Pray thee, be aware I have acquired formal mastery with excellence amongst my fellow students in the United States Navy's Sea, Air, and Land Teams, and I have been enrolled into a multitude of tactical, military strikes upon the militant Sunni Islamist multi-national organization of global terrorism known as "Al-Qaeda" or "The Base", and the absolute amount of enemy fatalities on my account exceeds three hundred, as reaffirmed by official authorities. I have thorough and extensive experience in the military offensive tactics developed by the Gorilla gorilla and the Gorilla beringei species endemic to the forrests of Africa, and I classify as the prime elite long-distance artillerist in the entirety of the bellic strategic assets of the United States of America. Thy existence, in my perspective, consists of barely more than yet one additional surface upon which to aim my ballistic assets. I shall eliminate thee systematically endowed with an infinitesimal margin of error in a globally uncontested manner yet to be witnessed in otherwise circumstances on this litomorphic celestial body where our species and all known forms of life inhabit, take reassured note of my exoteric proclamation. Is it of thy creed that thou art possessed of the liberty to verbally express that horrendous piece of excrement towards me across the worldwide interconnection of automated processing machines with utter lack of further repercussions? Do reflect upon this matter once more, fornicator. Congruently to the time frame of our parlaying, I am designating my incognito formal organization of undercover collectors of classified intelligence based out the national territory of the United States of America, and thy Internet Protocol is being investigated immediately, henceforth, I highly recommend you be at your absolute optimal conditions for being met with the entropic climatic phenomenon derived from chaotic interactions between the cycle of water, the wind currents, the atmospheric pressure and the local temperature, living organism of elongated and slim structure. The entropic climatic phenomenon derived from chaotic interactions between the cycle of water, the wind currents, the atmospheric pressure and the local temperature that throughoutly eliminates the ironically laughable minimum substance thou hast denominated thy life. Thou art notably deceased, infant. I am possessed of the capability to find myself at radiant locations in radiant points of the human perception of the cause-to-effect progression, and the courses of action at my disposal to assassinate thee sum up above the mark of seven hundred, accounting merely to the use of my unaided anterior limb attachments. My assets are not limited merely to formal martial arts, as I am entrusted with the entirety of the bellical power of the United States Corporations, and I will apply optimal use of said power to eliminate thy undernurrished posteriors from the surface of the extensive transnational body of land mass, thou minimal fecal matter. In the hypothetical occurance in which thou would'st been aware of the unorthodox subsequent consequences brought forth by thy "illuminated" passing remark upon thyself, hypothetically, thou would'st remained thy words in utter seclusion. Alas, thou could not, thou did not, and subsequently thou art complying to what is due, heaven-forsaken unwitted and foolish individual. I shall defecate relentless anger upon the entirety of thy surroundings, and thou shall suffocate upon its presence. Thou art notably deceased, infantee.

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  • Time to do some dumb shit... by writing the ENTIRE SCREENPLAY of shriek.

    Sorry if its jumbled up. I'm doing this on my phone.

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    • When you get banned, Imma laugh so fucking hard. You're every bit as bad as the OP.

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