To think nothing matters anymore

57% Normal
8 Comments

First , I have to thank everyone for your support and advise. Giving advise is easy for me. It's taking my own advice which is hard. I am cursed and don't know how to change it.I believe now that my ex- boyfriend who asked me to marry him is the very man who gave me HSV2.It couldn't of been my ex husband! When you have hsv the antibodies are high after so many years - I strongly believe the love of my life was a complete liar. Since this I found out my heart is very bad.My ex boyfriend is in the medical field he knew my heart was in fib one day and never told me to go see a Dr.I have started to prepare for a possibility of not makin it through surgery. The whole heart is diseased.it's bad..Fun to go to the post office to notorize my will at this time of the season. I now sit in my house on Christmas day, fighting depression and with no kids here. The dirty dozen is what I'm calling it. 12 strokes of bad news.Car was wrecked then the new rental was wrecked in every possible way... I have no hot water and no heat..My hot water heater busted flooded my house then a gas leak which was the furnace, it's died too.This was yesterday. I must not dwell in misery.I bust my ass trying to make money cleaning with a couple employees and ungrateful kids. Still smoking after I had quit for so many years like I'm not worth it anymore.I need inspiration and can't find it.In two months so much sh*t has happened, I can only laugh at it because my tears have dried up..I have alcohol-- don't drink but I think maybe a new outlook is needed besides a damn shower... Maybe a little prayer from you all might help me or a few good jokes.There's nothing to believe in anymore. thanks leah

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57% Normal
Based on 30 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • misprettykitty
    13 years ago

    Make your decision to live a good life & servive no matter what.

    Call 211 infoline or go to 211infoline.org
    Which help people who are unhealthy,disabled, depressed, in need or proper housing and utilities to live.

    Good Luck.

    (Drugs,cigarettes,achohol are not the answer)

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  • LoveLVR
    14 years ago

    How did the problem happen with your heart?

    I will pray for you no one deserves this kind of sh**. It's very hard i know. Just don't give up...

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    • leahquestions
      14 years ago

      thank you, my heart problem is caused by stress and I'm sure the chantix that I took to quit smoking did it- ironic. This sight is refreshing, gives hope because of honesty from strangers. Helps me to believe that they're are good people out there. My body is breaking down,it's not just my heart as I was informed yesterday. Attitude is 80%% of the fight and even if I don't have any water or heat at the moment I got a nice hot shower.

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  • orlybro
    14 years ago

    I hate to tell you this but shit happens. And it's the world we live in that creates a cycle of tragedies in and endless circle of life. You can't give up the will to live. It is what makes us human. We strive over obstacles to make a better us. You have to survive. I hate to tell you this also, but there are a lot of worse lives out there who don't have a home, who don't have a job, who don't even have food or water. Just hang in there and have hope. I know it isn't easy but there is always a way.

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  • PoisonFlowers
    14 years ago

    I'm no good at giving advice, but I just want to write something here anyway. This brought tears to my eyes. I don't pray, but I hope that you make it through.

    No! You don't need alcohol. That doesn't do any good. How will it help you? It won't! Live for yourself. Hmmm...Jokes eh? My little brother was talking to me earlier on about something he imagined. It made me burst out laughing. He said: "Imagine someone dancing around a field singing about how beautiful it is and then a bird poo falling from the sky into their open, smiling mouth." I don't know...I've got a bad sense of humour. And he's learned it it seems xD

    You can get through this. You sound like an incredibly strong person. I can't offer much, but you made me think of this song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8iWDrln8AY

    You must have helped so many people with your advice. I can't say the same - maybe when I've lived a bit more, I'll be better at it. If anything Leah, believe in yourself. Thinking of you - Jo.

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    • leahquestions
      14 years ago

      you are a very kind person-- inside the mind, nice song- we are our own best advocates and yet our worst enemy- love the mouth open and bird poop thing- your'little brother must be a riot - lucky cows don't fly lol thank you

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    OK - your boyfriend gives you herpes and your life after (and probably before) that is in the crapper. I won't pray for you, except that I do wish you well.

    OK - I will pray that you start to make some good choices, just about anywhere and at any point. Honestly. You know what they are.

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    • leahquestions
      14 years ago

      you remind me of my dad who once called me years ago when I was in the hospital and said eat or die,i'm still here. Death doesn't scare me, it's the will to keep living with the knowledge of what I have to face that does.yes there are people out there in bad situations, I will loose my house my business too eventually..my life was great before the herpes bullshit- it was really the fact that i believed and would of died for a man who had proposed marriage to me then threw me away like trash days later and now I wonder is anything worth it?he was a bad choice! tell me what is there to live for? more time in the hospital or maybe I can just go swim with whales and start my bucket list!

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