To hear things wrong

There is a major difference between hearing and listening. Listening is an active process of registering what someone or something is saying or playing in your conscious pretty much. That is what I've gathered. I know this is kind of vague, and by all means, you could be completely right and it might be something like a learning disability or a problem with how you perceive language. Try actively listening to certain instruments in a song and then move onto vocals, and if this doesn't satisfy you probably want to seek a professional to assess you because I'm nothing close to professional.

The person that sits in the corner at the bar thought that I said "lawl the" when I was obviously ranting about Lolth, the Demon Queen of Spiders.

I like poles

I am the same way. Some people get a little frustrated at me sometimes because I mishear what they said. My doctor reffered me to a hearing center to get a thorough hearing test. They said I had great hearing... What the hell?
But they also mentioned that if you're going through something that's really stressful- it could be the reason. I cannot remember what they told me to how or why that is. But it made sense in my case.

Shoot loves poles

most likely its cause your mind is thinking of something else. And you're not aware of it. So words pop into those "contexts" and makes them seem off.

Erectile dysfunction is no laughing matter.

I do this too. I have auditory processing distortions but for me it's neurological and not anything wrong with my ears. I mostly have trouble processing multiple sounds at once or hearing somebody in another room. I can hear the sounds but don't know whats being said.

Sometimes we just think too much and we think ahead of time and actually believe we heard what we thought not what was said..

Yeah I've got this on occasion, it just happen because your mind is focused on something else and it distorts your listening ability slightly. Atleast that's what I assume it is.