This is a sexist compliment

I hate when guys say they like you because you are "not like other girls". How is that a compliment even? It clearly proves they have a negative view of women overall and are quite possibly incels.
I can remember 1 guy who said this to me and he went on afterwards by clarifying i'm not a bimbo, or basically a slut. He of course also called himself a "nice guy". I first matched with him because I thought he ironically called himself a nice guy in his bio since he looked like a decent man and had an otherwise smart bio but then it turned out he actually seriously went around calling himself that and was mad at women. I later found out he was also obsessed with the concept of alpha vs beta males and read articles about how be alpha..How stable.
Would it not be sexist if I told a guy I like him the most because he's not like most guys? That, I think, would say that I think most men are trash. It probably depends though as some guys would take that as a compliment because he thinks he's better than most guys already.

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  • Maybe he didn't mean it as a compliment when he said "You're not like other girls.".
    Maybe he thinks highly of other women but thinks you're a bitch?

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    • No sorry to disappoint you. He was literally obsessed with me. He cried on one of our first dates and said he's so happy to have finally met a good woman who is not a bimbo. Well, almost cried. He said he'd cried earlier and his eyes definietely looked the part.

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  • Lmao yeah that’s a scummy compliment, red flag

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  • If you told me you liked me because I'm not like most guys I would genuinely feel happy about the compliment. People shouldnt have to walk on egg shells around you.

    The alpha and beta thing is simple. Beta male refers to men who are more feminine, more nervous and emotional, and less physically fit. Men with those traits are genuinely less desirable to woman. Alpha male is referred to as a man thats more confident, stronger, and genuinely more of a leader and a winner.

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    • Then I totally want a beta. So much less likely to end up with a vain, self-absorbed manipulator with an ego problem and aggressive tendencies.

      Also, I love skinny, feminine types who are emotionally literate and can empathise with my own anxiety.

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      • Good you know what you want. But be prepared: the downside of betas is they cannot back you up and defend you in a (verbal) fight, because they are weak themselves. So you will always have to be the strongest in this relationship.

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        • I haven't needed a man to back me up in any kind of fight since I was about 14. I went to an all-girls' middle and high school, and we learned to fight our own battles there. Who is going around teaching Western women that the tongue in their own head is of no use? The very fact that my man should possess a penis and be physically present, would probably be the only thing required to put a misogynist in their place or to stop things getting physically nasty.

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          • Sure... if you enjoy fighting. I think that in a good relationship, you back each other up. It shouldn't be just you always standing up for yourself as if you weren't in any relationship at all. Then what's the point of being in one? Why not just remain single, if you're going to fight alone all your life?

            And I think that if your partner (be they male or female or otherwise) shows no desire whatsoever to protect and defend you..... then they do not really care about you. That's just my view on love. When I'm in a relationship I am not alone. I need to be there for my partner to help and protect them whenever I can, and I expect them to do the same for me. A partner who... never backs me up.... is weak and unhelpful. I am better off without such a partner.

            This is not a gender role issue. This is about the love and care you show for your partner. It's about acting as a team, as opposed to a disjointed relationship where each partner is "on their own". I don't want a weak man or woman on my team. Do you?

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            • I think you might have over-interpreted what I really mean: thee standpoint you seem to be arguing against isn't mine.

              Understand me or don't: I don't have time to argue the toss today.

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      • Looking for betas will only net you weak guys. Just because the guy isnt physically strong doesnt mean that they wont be abusive. Plus you cant even expect to find a guy that will go out of his way to be successful in life, being a man child for the rest or his life.

        Alphas at least want to be successful and has the drive to secure it. It's a delusion to think only the alphas have the chance to be abusive.

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        • What's the classification test, for you?

          Also, successful in what? And with what motivation?

          What's a 'weak' man? I don't need a man with any more physical strength than I've got, myself. If I remain single I won't have a man, full stop, and I'll simply have to get by without the physical strength of a man to help me lift and carry things. So if the man I end up with isn't as physically strong as other men, then at least another pair of hands will be helpful. But strength of character - that's more of a deal-breaker for me.

          I want to be successful in my job because I love my pupils and I want to give them the best all-round education I can give them. I also love pushing my creative limits and I always want to do better and learn more. That's why I admire the mindset of athletes, despite hating sports.

          I'm not interested in doing better than other people: being the best or the richest is not normally a game you can hope to win without making yourself and other people unhappy, and if you ever reached the top, who would you look up to and learn from then?

          I'd want a man who had that mindset, too. Is it not worthy enough? If people who go by the whole Alpha/Beta way of looking at people don't think so, then they don't think so.

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          • I dont imply that weak only pertains to physical attributes, rather its constitution. Someone who has has a strong constitution wont buckle because they fail, they wont settle with anything less than their standards.

            It's not your goal to be better than others, that's fine. I share that quality too. What I'm saying is that someone who wants to be successful doesnt immediately mean they want to be no 1. I'm saying that it's the drive that matters. Someone who is content with drifting along though life isnt an attractive quality in my opinion. Some who is driven to achieve something is a feature of someones charicter.

            People who are betas have a stereotypical quality of being submissive in every aspect of character. Being completely submissive is a sign of codependency which is an unhealthy way of life.

            The man I look up to the most is my father, hes a strong and ever capable man. Dispite being a master in is field he continues to learn and understand the world around himself. That's my version of an alpha male. Someone that has a drive and willpower to grow and guide others.

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      • I think being a vain self absorbed manipulator is not particularly a alpha trait that could also be a beta trait.

        A real alpha is a leader and everyone wants to follow him because he does the right thing. If youre a bad person it makes you less alpha. A good example of an alpha is jocko willinks a retired navy seal. He teaches how to be a leader on his podcast and everyone that had jocko as a commander has nothing but good things to say. He even tells you you should lie if your wifes cooking is bad. Hes a true leader of men the most alpha male person Ive ever seen.

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  • Its probably sexist on both ends, I will sometimes judge men that are really into mirror selfies and working out as just simp fuckboys. If he said, "you're not like other girls", outside of highschool, thats probably a sign he hasn't had a lot of experience meeting different types of women.

    I've never heard a man refer to himself as alpha vs beta, but that is certainly a red flag, and implies some insecurities. Him quickly obsessing, and crying shows he is definitely not mature mentally or emotionally.

    -Sexist or not pre-judgements- you really won't see what people are really about until you get to know them a bit, and they can both surprise and dissapoint you.

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  • Anyone that goes around telling people they are a nice guy, definitely is not lol.

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  • I sound like a sigma tbh. I dont care about the 4chan hierarchy shit but sigma is close enough to me to be a descriptor.

    I'm not alpha to a degree that I would threaten people with violence. That being said if someone was posing an actual threat I have no qualms with inserting my thumbs into their eye sockets.

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  • I would see it as a compliment. It's like saying you're on the higher end of the bell curve. There's a reason Kennedy married Jackie and slept with Marilyn. Being impressed by someone's uniqueness makes me want to talk to them even more

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  • If this is the only thing that bothers you about him... The guy sounds immature and like he's bad at communicating. If you are a better communicator, you can compensate for his lack of skills in this area.... by addressing issues that arise. Or you could go find yourself another guy. Why stay with a man who's always talking about other women and comparing you to them?

    Ideally you are the only woman in your man's life. He shouldn't be comparing you with anyone (at least not verbally, not to your face). That's rude.

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    • Man you women are way too nit picky. You really have to pull out the mental gymnastics to turn this into "comparing you to other women". IT WAS A COMPLIMENT. The compliment isnt the issue you are. Talk about walking on egg shells...

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  • Personally I would take that as a compliment that I am better than other girls. It seems clear that this was his intended meaning. Why do youngsters these days have to psychoanalysis everything to find the worst in what people do or say? For fuck sake see it as the compliment it was obviously intended to be and be happy about it.

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  • the dingo thinks highly of you

    youre not like other squirrels

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  • I agree “I hold your sex in distain but for you I make an exception” is a warning.

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