The issue of having a sex addicted father
I have a father who by his own admission is a narcissist and addicted to sex. The latter makes him seek sexual variety with young women of all kinds. The more risque and forbidden it is, the more it fuels him, and he has compared it to using cocaine. His addiction comes and goes, he can be stable for months, only to go on sexual binges he can't control. His narcissism makes him very charismatic and persistant in his pursuits, so most women can't seem to resist him for long. My parents are divorced, after years of infidelity on his part. So it's safe to say my mother knows about the dark part of his character. He now has a new wife, which is forgiving and tolerant of his escapades. She doesn't like it, she just yells at him if it goes to far. He has talked about going to therapy or a psychologist for his diagnosis, but so far he hasn't done so, only apologized if he had taken it too far, and claiming he won't do it again (yeah right)
I've lived at his house at periods, and know he keep a collection of pictures from his conquests at his computer, in a hidden folder. In that way I can more or less keep track of what's been going on. It mainly shows the ladies sitting at the toilet and smiling at him. That's how he keeps a record, more or less, by photographing them after the act. Some look to be respectable women, and some can't be anything else than hookers. When they had an exchange student, it came as no surprise to me to find her there, sitting there bottomless and making an insecure smile. He had naturally taken her virginity. Other than the traffic through the house, the threesomes and dirty sex the most serious thing has probably been this. His wife has a daughter, and when she reached the age of consent and wanted to have an active sex life, he agreed to get her the pill and let her have a boyfriend. When she had been on the pill for one week, he slept with her and introduced her to sex. So he actually slept with his own stephdaughter, which technically is very borderline, but not illegal. His wife knows what took place between them, and although I'm sure she's not happy, she has continued the relationship. There are pictures of the girl too, although she doesn't look happy at all, she is scowling and pouting form the toilet seat, she looks very beautiful. She has since moved out and lives in another city with her fiance. I don't know if she's told him anything about it.
Although sleeping with his stephdaugter is probably the legally most questionable, he took advantage of my girlfriend when I brought her over to introduce her. I never thought it would happen, but it did. Basically he used his enormous charisma to pressure us into letting him introduce us to sex. I don't want to go into details, but he went through with two full vaginal intercourses with her in my view. The first time her hymnal ring just widened, and the second time he managed to remove it and make her bleed. The intercourses happened in the missionary position and lasted altogether about an hour. For the most part what I saw was his butt moving between her legs, but I couldn't bring myself to go away. Afterwards he added her to his picture collection as she was peeing out the semen. In the first picture, she looks like she wants to kill him, in the second, she smiles, and in the third she's sticking out her tounge. I don't even want to go into what I was feeling.
He has later explained what happened with his addiction. He initially wanted to see how far he could get, and when he broke our resistance and made us consent, he wasn't able to stop himself. He admitts to liking young girls and loving to deflower them, and doing this to his sons girlfriend, in my view, gave him an enormous kick. So for him, it was the best sex he ever had, and for that reason he can't be too sorry. He doesn't even want to delete the pictures, as he want to have a memory of the thing. We waited a month after the ordeal to start our own sex life, just to get some distance. She smelled like fish down there after he had been between her legs, and I wanted her to be as cleansed from his smells and tastes as possible. She is very regretfull for what happened, but says we'll just have to live with it.
As for me, I have a difficult time in trying to forgive my father. It's hard to live in the house now. I don't want to break off all contact with him, because I realize it's a part of his disease. I don't know if his wife knows, but the pictures of my girlfriend are there, so ... (He has backup so they can't be deleted) I have insisted on him going to therapy, and he says he probably should. He has told me he is sorry, but he doesn't want to regret what happened, so it's not genuine in any way. I am considering two options in order to be able to live with him and trying to put this all behind us. Either I make him an ultimatum. He goes to therapy, and is genuine in the need to change, or I'm out of his life forver. Or I could tell my mother everything that's happened. She is the only person who has had him under control, and would make his life a living hell in every way. It would be embarrasing for her to know what happened, but then she would get back at him for me, and maybe go to legal steps. If you have any advice for me, I'd like to hear it.
| I should make him an ultimatum to see a psychologist | 4 | |
| I should tell my mother about what he did | 6 | |
| I should try to let it pass | 9 |