The generic "i'm in love with my best friend" story

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My best friend is a couple years older than I am and he was the first friend I made when I came to high school which was also my first year of public school. We were very close, but then life forced us to go our separate ways then drove us back into each other's lives primarily because I ended my previous 2 year relationship, and now we're closer than ever. He's my best friend and I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for him. He helped me lose my fear of the world and start to believe in myself. With the way we think and the way we see things we're almost the exact same person just he's an outgoing funny guy and I'm kind of a shy girl.

Our conversations began to turn romantic, but we were terrified we'd lose each other some day. We began to need each other and that turned scary for both of us. He's in the army, so at this point our conversations were strictly online, but when he came home on leave....I saw something different in him that I'd never seen in anyone else before. I felt something different with him. I felt safe, secure, and for the first time truly comfortable to be me because he understands things about me that no one could ever even see let alone understand. We could talk about the world, or we could sit in silence holding each other's hands and either way I felt at home. We shared the sort of bond you only ever hear about.

However, this all ended once he saw her again. The ex-fiancee that he can't seem to get away from, and I know that I'm the other woman. It's not his fault, he saw her and it was different, she's his comfort and his security blanket. I reserve no judgements against him, but selfishly I wish he didn't forget about me like that, and I wish that he could see me the way he sees her. We'll always be best friends, but i wish he remembered when we considered us to be more. And he's my best friend, so I can't remind him of how he made me feel....because just as much as I can't lose him, I know he needs me too, and I feel that if I said something it would tear us apart. He doesn't know how I feel, and if he did, it would hurt him and he'd feel so guilty. I can't tear him apart like that. I'd rather have him in my life as my best friend than not have him at all, but I will never forget the last kiss we had. He grabbed my face in his hands and held me close to him, as if I was all that mattered.

I'm trying to follow that whole "if you love something let it go, if it's meant to be it'll come back," because I'm just trying to choose my battles, but if I want something bad enough, shouldn't I be fighting for it?

Is it normal that I can't see myself with anyone except him, but I can't see him with anyone but her?

How could something that feels so right be wrong?

Is it normal to be completely and utterly head over heels for my best friend?

I'm scared to move on, no one could understand me the way he does.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 4 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • peterr
    9 years ago | pl

    He sounds like a closet homosexual to me.

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  • TheBoss92
    12 years ago | pl

    yea I agree with @: thisissomuchfun

    I learned this the hard way. Back when I was a senior in high school, I had this one best friend who I fell in love with. I asked some people what should I do and Most of them said Tell her. I don't know if they were being serious or not but eventually, I told her. She ended up feeling weird about it and decided not to talk to me anymore and then she told her boyfriend. Her boyfriend and his friends ended up beating me up. I felt horrible because I lost my best friend and I was beatin up. I regret telling her how I felt about her. Now I wish that I was her friend again. It hurts missing her, but I just had to move on.

    Always be there for him just in case!

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago | pl

    I think the best thing you could do for yourself, would be to put some distance between you and him while he's in that relationship. Maybe when things start to go bad in his current relationship, he will remember how great he felt with you and he will start to initiate contact with you again.

    Right now, he has her AND he has you too. I think that staying his closest friend right now is a supportive thing to do: however, while he's in a relationship, he will be seeking comfort from her the majority of the time (that's just how it is in a relationship).

    So, where does that leave you? It doesn't seem like you are happy just being friends and you're only making yourself feel worse by saying stuff like; you don't want to lose the friendship. So, according to you; being "friends" is worth being tossed aside the moment his old fling enters the room. Seems like you are not respecting yourself enough.

    Try thinking about it from another perspective: Let's pretend you were the one with the old fiance that you had never completely gotten over. This ex-fiance comes back into your life (your wish come true), but you've still got your buddy in the sidelines. While you are enjoying your new-found bliss with your fiance, you buddy moves on and you haven't heard from him in a while. Things start getting a little rough between you and your fiance, but your buddy isn't around to bail you out of your bad moods any more. You start to fantasize about the good old days you had with your buddy and you start to wish your fiance was more like him. One day, you bump into your buddy and it's like a breath of fresh air, especially compared to your current relationship with your fiance. Then you start to wish you were with your buddy instead of your fiance. You start pursuing your buddy more often and soon you realize you want him more than your fiance, so you break off your engagement. Then you go for your buddy and hopefully they are not in a relationship of their own.

    Or...

    You buddy stays in your life, hoping you'll change your mind while you have the best of both relationships (the one with your fiance and the one with your buddy). Once you get married, your fiance will demand that you stop hanging out with your buddy - and buddy will be all alone; no friendship, no lover.

    So, hopefully, by explaining it this way to you, I've helped you understand two possible outcomes and what it may be like for this guy that you are so desperately in love with. I hope I've helped you, even a little bit.

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    • porcupine1713
      12 years ago | pl

      no this helps a lot and I really really appreciate your input, and I think you're right, totally and completely, it's just so tough to distance myself, but I think it's something that might be healthier for me in the long run because I don't think I deserve to be tossed aside, and we're still really close, it's just different and I don't want to lose my best friend, but I feel that what you're saying will be better for me it's just tough

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