The bullshit is everything to worry about

My life is the only thing I hate, and also I don't want a death, I'm stuck halfway between a slice of life and the verge of death.

I'm very likely to die for my annoyingness, but I don't wanna die, I don't want a spear in my heart for behaviour that fails to fit in, it's the greatness that did that, nobody's wanting to quell me ever since I gave up greatness, before you get turned off by this I'd like to say I'm the best, greatness is overrated yet they will be of the opinion that I'm great. I suppose great just means I'm very good.

But nearly wanting to quell me is still intact, I'm almost dying because people find me annoying. It's everything to worry about. I'm worried I'm not living for a normal, easygoing life where people all get along, there's always an ounce of trouble, and evil, I can hardly say any of me is beautiful.

What good does it do trying to be acceptable behaviour and that only puts salt in the wound?

If this was America they would kick my arse or they'll just call me an asshole.

I'm not used to this, it's actually too difficult, normalcy is exquisitely difficult, it's so difficult it's very easy to be a reject.

As awesome as you think I am, as cool as you think I am you're a pussycat compared to me, do you realise this makes it difficult to fit in?

My housemate fights with me, and people think we're married. In your dreams! Marriage is a cage where you live forever and ever and wanna get away from your spouse.

If it's over between me and my housemate he just gets out of the house to have a break from me, then before I come home he's plotting ways to get frustrated and wanna grab me. People like that will hurt you, if you let them touch you they will hurt you. They will punch you if you let an angry man grab your clothes.

This is what I'm worried about, I'm worried people will get upset and start grabbing me. I know they think I'm an arsehole, my housemate thinks my annoyingness is stupid, what I'm doing is trying not to upset him, it's really hard because I don't care that he's negative and asks for more help, I don't care about negative feelings if they're projected on me, I only care about the person, not their feelings, and incase you can't tell I'm not selfish anymore, I have impartial care regardless of the relationship, if I refuse to change, refuse to grow Ken gets crazy and mad just for this me that I love. I love everyone, I don't love it when someone cries due to my disobedience, and when someone's sad it's because they're trying to hurt me, it's not a genuine sadness, it's a person wanting to smash me.

What kind of a man can destroy your hopes, doubt your feelings, and humiliate them all their lives? Simple, it's me, and that's because these people are messing with my character that they have to accept me the way I am.

I never had a friend who doesn't want to smash me, I'm not the enemy, the old men think by making his friends listen to him and respect him that he must be the boss, and this will even shock an old man, but he has no authority!

I don't listen to a single word, and I'm not about to take his advice, what is it? A poor old fellow? No, it's the poor youth living with a grumpy old man, that's everything to worry about.

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Comments ( 2 )
  • Grunewald

    Get out of that renting situation. Find yourself a therapist. If it's driving you to this, it's a sign you should have left long before now.

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  • jodi1955

    too long! did not read

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