Testing my friends is it normal

57% Normal
18 Comments

I have a weird habit of testing my friends. I never do it consciously or purposefully, but it seems like whenever I get really close to someone, I will push boundaries or antagonize them in a mild friendly way, or start some kind of argument. Looking back on it, it almost seems like I have some need to make sure they'll stick around no matter what, even if I'm being a pain...IIN?

Is It Normal?
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 18 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • dom180
    9 years ago | pl

    Keeping your friends at arm's length, using them simply to satisfy a need for friendship, stops you from truly connecting with them.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    3
    3
  • shuggy-chan
    9 years ago | pl

    it hard, to balance, but i do enjoy being a loveable pain in the ass as well. the key is knowing when to stop or not even start if the other person is grumpy

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    3
    3
  • handsignals
    9 years ago | pl

    sounds like your an.....ASSHOLE!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    2
    2
  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago | pl

    I'd be willing to bet your family of origin was quite dysfunctional, thus forcing you to learn and use this testing behavior as a coping mechanism. Do you have fears of rejection and or abandonment? Am I right?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago | pl

      Nope- stable, super awesome family who I trust no matter what, no dating problems either...maybe the dude below is right, and I'm an asshole? This behavior looks messed up to me from the outside, but for some reason I can't stop doing it, and I don't know why!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      Report
      0
      0
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        9 years ago | pl

        Hmm... I dunno, I guess you could see a therapist about it.

        Testing people like that is manipulative and controlling...kinda shitty if you ask me. How would you like people treat you in the same manner as you do to them?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        Report
        1
        1
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago | pl

          Thanks! I appreciate the honesty. I like this forum for advice because you can anonymously admit to bad things- it's sort of cleansing. I know that this behavior is bad and destructive, but for some reason I can't stop myself and only notice that I'm doing it in retrospect. In fact, I think I just did it to my bestie- telling him he was annoying me lately and that he was crazy, which looking back I had no reason to say. Perhaps I should see a therapist- it seems I have a compulsion to push boundaries just to reassure myself that people really love me- it's totally unhealthy and selfish. Anyways, I appreciate you taking some time to think about my problems!

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          Report
          1
          1
        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago | pl

          I'm thumbs upping all of what you have to say- it's honest and helpful

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          Report
          0
          0
  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago | pl

    If they are "friends" then they don't need "testing", if not, what's the point?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago | pl

      They don't NEED testing, that's my problem- it's more of a compulsion, probably based on insecurity? Just to see if they'll stick, I guess

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      Report
      0
      0
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        9 years ago | pl

        Can you recall anyone in your early life that didn't stick around or a time when you felt abandoned?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        Report
        1
        1
  • theory816
    9 years ago | pl

    I think it is normal but it is also wrong to do it. Our friends are our friends and they dont own us anything. People have the freedom to spend time with us or we them and it something that isnt ownd.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    0
    0
  • davesumba
    9 years ago | pl

    ummmm, only thing you are proving with these "tests" is seeing who is lonely enough to want to still be around you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    0
    0