I used to feel kinda like this. I had severe depression and anxiety. I used to be dependent on others' money to live, even many years into my adulthood. I put financial burden on my parents, my spouse, his family, because my low self-esteem and fears made it very hard to find the courage and motivation to finish college, find work, etc.
Building confidence is a very large part of being able to survive at least somewhat independently. It does not seem you are happy simply being taken care of and using your loved ones' money. It also seems to me your upbringing did not allow you to develop the confidence you need. Being brought up to believe your existence is a waste does not empower you to succeed later in life.
But rest assured, you are worthy of being alive. You just need to figure that out for yourself. Even if you don't end up working right away, or ever, why not take up a creative hobby? You can produce things that others derive enjoyment from, whether it's art, writing, cooking, etc. That produces worth that is not monetary, but still just as important.
Thankyou for your kind words and understanding and it is true that my upbringing paralysed me at a very deep level because I was always made to feel worthless and nothing was seen as right, but my "mistakes" were apparently all I could manage! My partner found the letters they wrote to me almost unbelievably cruel, such was the verbal abuse and lack of feeling to me. You can't flick a switch in the head to overcome such things, just like with depression, which I do have, very deep after such a long time of that and ill luck with employment. Survival be=gins to feel impossible to achieve. I try to be creative at times but that feels like a waste to since it does not solve the problem, though I would suggest exactly what you have to another person, such is low self worth I guess...
Terrified of Money
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I used to feel kinda like this. I had severe depression and anxiety. I used to be dependent on others' money to live, even many years into my adulthood. I put financial burden on my parents, my spouse, his family, because my low self-esteem and fears made it very hard to find the courage and motivation to finish college, find work, etc.
Building confidence is a very large part of being able to survive at least somewhat independently. It does not seem you are happy simply being taken care of and using your loved ones' money. It also seems to me your upbringing did not allow you to develop the confidence you need. Being brought up to believe your existence is a waste does not empower you to succeed later in life.
But rest assured, you are worthy of being alive. You just need to figure that out for yourself. Even if you don't end up working right away, or ever, why not take up a creative hobby? You can produce things that others derive enjoyment from, whether it's art, writing, cooking, etc. That produces worth that is not monetary, but still just as important.
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Anonymous Post Author
9 years ago
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Thankyou for your kind words and understanding and it is true that my upbringing paralysed me at a very deep level because I was always made to feel worthless and nothing was seen as right, but my "mistakes" were apparently all I could manage! My partner found the letters they wrote to me almost unbelievably cruel, such was the verbal abuse and lack of feeling to me. You can't flick a switch in the head to overcome such things, just like with depression, which I do have, very deep after such a long time of that and ill luck with employment. Survival be=gins to feel impossible to achieve. I try to be creative at times but that feels like a waste to since it does not solve the problem, though I would suggest exactly what you have to another person, such is low self worth I guess...