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is it okay for me to sometimes bring up that i’m feeling sad because my bf cheated to him? or should i not tell him how i’m feeling because i took him back.
this was already asked like 2 days ago. you are choosing this one sided 'poly amorous' bullshit by taking him back. so either dump him or continue to be a doormat
Of course it is. Communication is a must in relationships. If he is making you feel as if you're wrong for being upset about him cheating, he is being extremely manipulative.
My two cents though? I think from all of your posts, this guy has shown that he just wants to have his cake and eat it, too, and also wants to evade responsibility and any consequences of his cheating. If it were me, I would end the relationship, as it doesn't seem healthy at all. As I've said before, this is a good indicator of how he will handle future issues in which he's accountable for, and most cheaters continue to cheat, and will think it's completely fine if they are not held accountable and are allowed multiple chances.
It is ultimately your choice and you have to make a decision, but just try to think as clearly and logically about this as possible. In other words, not what you want to believe, but the truth that is in front of you. You will regret it if you don't.
If he begins threatening suicide if you do decide to leave him, call 911 and report it, but do not allow him to use that as a tool to manipulate you into staying. If he truly is depressed and suicidal, you won't be able to "fix" him and he needs professional help.
If this is the same person who made 2/3 similar posts a few days ago, then you deserve all the abuse & cheating you get for being stupid enough to stay despite what everyone here told you.
That's not true. We're not gods. Obviously we're right but it's not like she's some horrible person because she can't cut an emotional attachment because some faceless internet folks said to.
Cheating victims, especially first time victims, won't listen to their own mothers, fathers, friends, other family, therapists, much less strangers.
And it's not like she doesn't know. It's like being a heroin addict. Heroin addicts don't shoot up the dose that kills them because they thought it was a smart idea. She knows that in theory she should leave him. The problem is that she also knows that when she asks herself what will make her more miserable, the honest answer is being without him right now. She's hopelessly in love, and unlike the heroin addict, didn't even make a known bad first move when she entered this relationship and became a victim.
So kindly show a little empathy. Being cheated on while madly in love is the worst pain there is besides death of a loved one, and it's literally been shown that the human brain processes the loss of a deep romantic relationship nearly identically to the way it does death. So maybe don't feel the need to add insult to injury and berate her because she can't choose the feeling of death because fucking Is It Normal told her to.
They're repetitive, annoying posts to you. They're heartfelt cries for help from a young woman possibly in the most pain she's even known in her life, and any of us who have been in the situation of finally walking away know it feels worse for quite a while. You can just ignore them.
"it's not like she's some horrible person because she can't cut an emotional attachment"
Horrible person? No. Dumbass? Absolutely.
"It's like being a heroin addict."
Yes, because both are dumbasses.
"She knows that in theory she should leave him. The problem is that she also knows that when she asks herself what will make her more miserable, the honest answer is being without him right now. She's hopelessly in love"
I know this, my statement still stands.
"So kindly show a little empathy."
I have no pity for those who are physically & mentally <-(as in not retarded, I don't count emotional distress) capable of but refuse to help themselves.
"Being cheated on while madly in love is the worst pain there is besides death of a loved one, and it's literally been shown that the human brain processes the loss of a deep romantic relationship nearly identically to the way it does death."
And?
"So maybe don't feel the need to add insult to injury and berate her because she can't choose the feeling of death"
Pussy footing around the matter & being supportive didn't get the point across. Now it's time for cold, uncaring, empathyless logic (after all, repeating the same action & expecting different results is bordering on lunacy) Me & Wario are doing the only logical thing here.
"because fucking Is It Normal told her to."
Then she shouldn't ask IIN in the first place,
"and any of us who have been in the situation of finally walking away know it feels worse for quite a while."
Not really. I cared deeply for all my girlfriends (before I stopped dating, because I wanted to see what it was like), but the second they dumped me it was like a switch flipped & I quit caring for them. Like all the good times we had never happened.
"You can just ignore them."
Then she wouldn't learn anything (plus I did the last ones).
You're going to have to feel this pain sooner or later because he won't stop cheating. If I were you, I would start weaning myself off. You don't have to go through full withdrawal from him because you have him around, but instead of trying to feel how you did before and as happy as you were, I would try to slowly feel more anger than sadness about what he did (this stage always comes) while thinking in your head about how great it would be to be treated right by someone else.
You can basically use his presence to help you slowly get over him without going through the shock of a sudden clean break. You won't have to feel bad about it either because he's cheating on you. Good luck and be as strong as you can.