Stealing things

Normal. Just don't get caught.

I accidentally stole a sparkly gel pen from an art supply store, once.

I get the urge to steal all kinds of stuff. There are a lot of things better than "having a nice good pencil".

Try ironing.

It could be kleptomania? That's kind of normal... To kleptic people

This is known as a clefto.

What I steal isn't physical. I act on my urges to steal the virginity of young girls.