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Should parents ever hit their children? Does that teach them violence is acceptable?
It should be outlawed. It should be okay to love children, but it shouldn't be okay to physically hit children.
Depends on what you mean by hit.
Children are simple, they often do not comprehend long term planning or action. They mostly live day by day or in a lot of cases hour by hour. Children need structure, spanking taught me not to do a lot of things. Pain is an obvious punishment to be avoided thus ceasing the behaviour that caused the spanking is the optimal outcome.
Abusing your children is another matter entirely. Hitting your kids outside of a strict code of punishment is abuse.
The "code" pretty much is: A) the child knows what specifically they are being punished for. B) the pain is only high enough to discourage the behaviour, no point in beating a dead horse. C) After the punishment the child is soothed by a supportive parent to reinforce that it was a punishment due to their actions and not personally against their being.
But I disagree with willingly making your child feel pain. That IS abuse. I'm extremely pain avoidant and can not tolerate any pain at all.
Well that means that you would correct your actions to avoid pain. That's the point.
I rationalize it as allowing a child to be burned by a hot pan they were told was hot. Sure the kid gets burned but they wont touch the pan without caution from then on.
I'm not talking about every punishment to be fulfilled through pain. If you have to resort to pain every time you shouldnt be allowed to use it as a punishment.
I'm saying this as a guy who will be forced to use non spanking techniques for my adoptive kids in the future. I understand why. That doesnt mean I cant work them to pain for punishment though. (Carry X heavy object from point A to B back to A multiple times)
The physical option should be allowed. It's only abusive when it gets extremely physical for no practical reason.
yeah let the kid touch the pan and then the kid probably ends up in the fucking emergency room.
You could end up in an emergency room maybe. The most common reaction is reflexively pulling the hand away. Crying is optional.
Spanking is necessary in some situations
Well violence is acceptable to resolve conflicts. Just depends on the situation.
Disciplinary spankings is an avenue of corrective force in children because it's not too damaging and hurts like hell.
Spanking is a great teacher for a child. Its like when a kid won't stop trying to touch a hot stove eventually gotta just let them suffer so they can learn. Suffering builds character. Spanking is a time honored way of teaching a child. My father spanked me. Whenever he did I learned my damn lesson.
People are confusing spanking with actual abuse. Abuse comes from a source of anger. Punishment comes from wanting a better outcome than is presented. Just so happens a few slaps on the ass is a simple but efficent way to convey that point.
To answer your three questions:
Spanking should be a rare punishment. It's most effective if its rare - and all it takes is a single modest swat to be effective. There is no need to inflict pain.
Reserved for the worst offenses. Up to that point isolation, quite time, taking away privileges, etc. works better.
In someway or another they have to be disciplined.
Yes and no to your two questions.
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