Should i tell my mother i’m autistic?

I’m recently self diagnosed as autistic (under very careful precaution). Multiple close friends of mine who are autistic and are actively studying autism as well as my therapist and many other people in my life have confirmed that I show many of the traits, and I’ve already been professionally diagnosed with multiple comorbid disorders (disorders that occur frequently alongside autism), but I’m over 18 and have been masking my traits for most of my life, so I doubt I have a chance in hell to get a professional diagnosis, nor do I feel a need to get one. Not to mention my insurance doesn’t cover treatment for autism.

That being said, my mother grew up in an environment where mental illness wasn’t to be discussed, and her brother committed suicide due to his untreated mental illness. I’ve tried to explain to her some of the other diagnoses I’ve received before, but she usually dismisses it with a “You’re fine” or a condescending “How do YOU know?”

I’ve never been particularly close with my mother but I like the idea of her being aware of who I am and why I am the way I am, but I’m very afraid she’ll dismiss this issue once again. What should I do?

Yes 7
No 7
Maybe 6
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Comments ( 22 )
  • SwickDinging

    She will not accept this as truth unless you get a proper diagnosis, no matter how sure you are. Even then, she might not accept it.

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    • RoseIsabella

      True!

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  • SkullsNRoses

    It sounds to me like it’s a bad idea and will only lead to her being nasty to you. You are not obligated to have a close relationship with your mother or tell her personal details of your life if you can’t trust her to respond in a respectful manner.

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  • BleedingPain

    If you really want her to believe you, maybe you should get professionally tested? I dunno. Its hard to go by self assessments alone. I could sit here all day and say I have a sensory disorder, but until I get tested, that really means nothing

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  • Tommythecaty

    *Rolls eyes

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    • Excuse me?

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      • Tommythecaty

        *Rolls eyes again

        Self diagnosis isn’t diagnosis at all. And being diagnosed as on the spectrum in your teens or adulthood doesn’t classify as big enough of a deal to even warrant the question to begin with.

        Unless you can’t do your schoolwork or you’re being arrested and or hospitalised on a frequent basis then it’s hardly a serious thing.

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        • Thank you for taking the time to comment but I’m not asking a question about my diagnosis.

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          • Tommythecaty

            You’re asking if you should tell your mom about your non existent diagnosis...I say yes, it’s very important that you do.

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  • Jamie_Sulky

    I always think its best to be transparent with your parents but in this case it seems like you already know how this will turn out.

    Some parents just don't want to admit that their child has problems and instead of getting them the help they need they just deny it and ignore it. The important thing is you know. You know and now that you're an adult you'll be able to help yourself and surround yourself with communities that will help you through. wish you the best.

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  • RoseIsabella

    What are these other co-ocurring mental disorders that you claim to have? Are these other disorders self diagnosed as well, or were you diagnosed by a mental health professional? You don't have to answer my questions of course, but this place is anonymous, and I'm kinda curious.

    I'm sorry that you mother came from a family, or environment where mental illness was highly stigmatized. I think you need to detach from your need to gain your mother's approval, and acceptance with regard to these sort of things.

    If I wanted to start shit with my mother right now I could literally walk next door, start a conversation about my crazy, abusive ex, and sure enough she would say some bullshit about how she thinks he was this wonderful person. I'm just choosing not to engage her, because I don't need to be in agreement with her in order to know I'm right about the ordeal I had to live through. She'll just gaslight me, and invalidate me, so there's no point in engaging with her. She'll never truly understand. Besides she's a bit of a narcissist herself as well.

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    • I’ve been professionally diagnosed with anxiety, Tourette’s, and been assessed and proven to almost qualify for ADHD. I’ve had neurotic tendencies and issues with social conduct my whole life, as well as special obsessions and a talent for identifying and reproducing patterns (in numbers, colors, music, speech, etc).

      Thank you for your response, I extremely appreciate your reasoning

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      • RoseIsabella

        You're very welcome.

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  • It sounds like your mother has been indoctrinated in what to believe, which is hard to overcome because she'll have to make the rationalization herself, not be told

    It might be stretching the truth, but you have talked to a therapist; you could say it's a professional's assessment of your psyche

    I would think she would dismiss that too. It would be kinda funny, she would ask how they would know. I wonder if she thinks she's the only one who can trust their judgement

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  • bigbudchonga

    I'd just leave it, dude, unless there's a reason to bring it up

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  • howaminotmyself

    I am always wary of self diagnosed mental disorders. You are not an objective observer. ASD is not black and white, as the label suggests. I have friends on the spectrum and they aren't any more or less weird then the rest of us. Some just get more anxiety over it. We label too much. We all are having identity crises and can't cope because everything in our environment is overstimulating us. The reality is that we are all on the spectrum, some just swing wider faster and harder.

    As for your mother, she knows. She may not be willing to place a label on you, but she will know.

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    • I appreciate your comment, but I’m not asking a question about my diagnosis. On the topic of my mother, she may very well know, as she knew about my Tourette’s long before it was properly diagnosed when I was 16 (she simply refused to acknowledge it and therefore never told me).

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      • howaminotmyself

        That is a significant detail that you left out. You are not a diagnosis. You are not a label. You are her child. If you think it will bring you closer, then try. But if it is simply to confirm the feeling of alienation from your mother, don't bother. It wont help.

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        • I feel like it COULD bring us closer, if she chooses to listen, and that’s what I would like to happen, but I know that she may not understand or may reject the idea entirely, which I’m terrified of. So I may simply not tell her to avoid the risk, I’m unsure.

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  • Somenormie

    But don't you know Autism is normal?

    I know I have said this many times I have it myself and people say that kinds is normal.

    But if she dismisses it then there can be a problem. Because believe me autistics can see things differently.

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    • I know it’s normal, it’s very common, I’m fully aware of that. Yeah my main concern is how she’ll react. I’m terrified of her doubting me again.

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      • Somenormie

        Truth of the matter is that she probably thinks it is fake and that is why she is dismissing the whole thing.

        She sounds like the types who aren't supportive of you.

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