Should i stay married

I told my wife that she is a liability to my career and happiness.

My wife has Multiple Sclerosis (this is not the issue). The issue is that she has such a complex about her illness, that she makes it impossible for me to succeed at ANYTHING.

I have quite jobs, given up friends, stopped doing things that I enjoy in my free time (like coaching kids soccer - not getting lap dances) to try to make her happy, but nothing works.

I am interested in politics, and just got appointed to a political job, but she does nothing but rag that everyone is in it for themselves and I am acting like a fool - although the mayor of our city answers my calls no matter what time, and I was an unknown less than a year ago.

I like working with kids, and I am financially able to volunteer some time, and all she does is try to make it impossible for me to enjoy. It got to the point that I EXPECTED a confrontation before every match. It is always the same ... I am selfish, the kids make fun of my behind my back, etc. I like to coach, so why not ? Does she want me to find something else to do ... go-go bar, gambling, drugs, what ?

We have a successful business, but she refuses to come to the office, bacause one of our employees smells like a relative that assulted her when she was young ... then, all she does is complain about how I run the business ... how would she know ? She is NEVER there.

We don't have tons, but enough ... I am good looking, a good lover, a good provider, and I make time for our children whenever it is possible ... Is it time to look for someone else ... don't get me wrong, NOT an affair ... just see ya later, bye ?

I want to save my marriage, but the more that I read this, the more it is obvious ... I am 40, and I promised when I had kids that I would never be involved with someone else until they were older ... well my youngest is 15. Not old enough, but close.

Truthfully, I could give a crap if there is someone for me. I can always pay for it.

Voting Results
31% Normal
Based on 54 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • nasser

    I got married when I was 19, where I was studying chemical ENG 2nd week after marrage i was diagnosed with MS so think about it plus I wasnt working nor was my wife but my parents were very understanding and helpfull. I went into a comma for 5 days and when i opened my eyes all my family were around me plus my wife was sitting beside me stroking my head while reading some verses of the Holy Quran and she was pregnant in her 9th month. ill keep it short and thank God Iam much better. now I have a family of 6 and will never think of leaving my wife what so ever just imagene the pain she went through pregnancy just to give you kids. think about it....

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  • HSVWHO

    U need to step into her shoes and observe yourself as well. U have pride issues by the sounds of it and u think ur self sustaining... What made u get married then??? You are selfish but that's just u being a man. If u Want it to work go get couple therapy. If u don't call it quits and put yourself and her out if the misery.

    Seriously, u can't be absolutely perfect and she can't be totally imperfect.
    The problem is u guys need to accept ur flaws and talk about it rather then play the blame game.

    If you were perfect u would know how to make her happy and maintain a healthy career as well. And no it's not because she won't let you make her happy.

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  • rynryn

    You sound creepy. Reason 1: You seem really into other kids w/your apparent coaching and volunteering. 2: Your wife says they make fun of you behind your back. You must be a winner. 3: You say you spend time with your own kids when you have enough time. 4: Your in politics. 5: You pump yourself up and only speak critically of your wife, like you're perfect. How do you know what a perfect lover you are? Have you ever made love to yourself? And 6: your last comment about paying for sex says it all. Perv.

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  • freethinkerguy

    This sounds to me like a "toxic relationship". You want to do good for others, yet she sucks all of your energy out like a vampire. So what if she has MS. A lot of people suffer and yet don't make their partners miserable in the process. You wife needs to get over herself. Get some friends, get an outside job, volunteer, do something instead of wallowing in her pool of self-pity.

    It can't be good for your kids to see her treat you that way. Do you want to live this way the rest of your life? How would you feel if they let themselves grow up and get in a marriage where they would be treated as you are?

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  • nasser

    Try your best and i like those who said put yourself in her place or in her shose never give up afterall she's your wife for God's sake didnt you agree to be with her for better and for worse? you can make it through ......

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  • Sweetcat

    ^Agree with discoduck.

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  • LetsLeadNotFollow

    It sounds like see is bringing you down and that's not healthy.
    Perhaps suggest counseling for her??
    By the sounds of it you have sacrificed things that mean something to you, but she is not doing the same for you. Not meeting you in the middle.
    If you continue this way, you will brake up and it will be nasty and bitter. If it hadn't already reached that stage.
    You need to work through it now, weather it be together or separate.
    Your happiness is what matters in the end. And I say this because you are being mature about it and not just leaving because you want to be with other people.

    Good luck :)

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  • moosedog_ck

    Sounds like a bitch that you need to make someone elses problem. Wost thing that will happen is you'll have to pay some alimony.

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  • deepthought33

    It may be toxic but that doesn't mean it cannot turn around. It sounds like the two of you are feeding off of each others negative emotions...it is a vicious, painful cycle and I myself am only just starting to realize how much work it is going to take to inject a turn-a-round in my own marriage. I've recently been told I have severe depression and I have been completely floored by the possibility (and threat) that my husband will give up on me. Your wife probably holds as much pain as you do. Only she can change herself but at least you can have some perspective on why she treats you the way she does.

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  • waterbottle123

    its your life. are you willing to sacrifice it for your unhappiness? quit punishing yourself and listen within.

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  • DiscoDuck

    Its simple really.

    No one on earth owns your happiness but you. You do not owe her anything, but you do owe yourself. Everyone has their own life and a RIGHT to live it how they choose.

    Leave your guilt behind and move on with your life.

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  • cupcake_wants

    Kill her for the life insurance. you'll be happy spending the blood money on hookers and blow.

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  • BlueandViolent

    it totally amazes me when people ask all these serious questions online.
    i mean..if u relly were in deep shit, u wuddnt waste ur time typin out stuff for RANDOM strangers to read.

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