Should i leave this toxic relationship?

I'm in an extremely toxic relationship and I can't leave it. Should I man-up and get out of it? I really love this person but they do me more harm than good every time we get back together.

Why can't I just leave them and move on with my life? is it normal to be stuck and not be able to free myself?


Please vote on whether I should leave and let go. Thank you for your time.

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Comments ( 69 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Why you are you asking if you should leave and on the other hand saying you can't leave it?

    If it's extremely toxic as you say, then of course you should leave it, but you don't tell us why you feel you can't do that.

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    • I'm very attached, sorry I didnt mention but Im still in love although he hurts me. Its like an addiction.

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      • If you feel you're in love with someone who hurts you, please get some therapy or call a family violence hotline, because that is not healthy.

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        • I'd love to do that but it's just psychological harm, never physical. I know I should leave but I feel so attached that I just can't. I don't know what to do anymore.

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          • Please stop making excuses and reach out for help: emotional abuse is still abuse

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            • Amen to that! Verbal and emotional abuse tends to escalate, and it's damaging to the self esteem of the victim/survivor.

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            • I'm building up the strength, thank you for your comments.

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          • Emotional and verbal abuse does eventually turn into physical abuse much of the time, believe me!

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            • It's like there's this invisible string I simply can't cut!

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            • I do believe you. Now how do I actually get the courage to finally leave for the last time?

              I've left too many times already and then I see myself back together again. I don't even know how to process all this.

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  • Thank you all for the 25 yes votes. Now part of me wants to know why the 1 voted against me leaving...

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    • The person/people voting against you leaving are likely coming from the type of person you're trying to leave. Controlling, emotionally abusive narcissists stick together.

      You can do it. You can cut him out of your life forever and move on.

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      • Interesting assumption. Although I've just read a new comment saying not to leave and work things out. It's not going to work ever so I believe all of you helping me are absolutely right.

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        • All of us say LEAVE and only one person says "stay." That should tell you something. Every time you go back it reinforces his control over you. It's getting worse not better I would be willing to bet.

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  • Leave it, and don't think twice about it. Leave and never look back, it'll be best for you.

    Might I also add that you'll stop finding him attractive if you make your mind up and stay away for long enough, I've seen it happen multiple times.

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    • I try to stay away but they keep coming back from the dead!!!

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      • Don't let that nasty ole corpse of a guy back in again.

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        • In theory it works perfectly but then he charms me back in... you know?

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          • That's why you go no contact.

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            • I will try that and hope I can do it. I've blocked him more than once and then caught myself trying to find any messages from him in spam folders or unblocking him from IM services.

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  • In cases like this you have to try hard to put the feelings of love aside and leave this person. If they're truly toxic, it's only going to wind up making you feel dead inside. Don't wait around for that to happen.

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    • I do feel dead inside...

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  • Is he trying his best?

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    • Someone's best isn't always good enough.

      And I'd bet that no he isn't.

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      • True... in reality he's not trying at all.

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    • No, I'm the only one trying here...

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  • Run, run ,run.. run run awaAaaay

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    • I'm trying soooooo hard!!! The comments here have helped me a lot. I might just finally be capable of it... I've tried it for over 7 years. Hoping this is the lucky number... :(

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  • What makes it so toxic?

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  • Don't leave, talk to your partner and work things out. Communication is key to solving problems. You can do it! gl :)

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    • I wish it were the case but it definitely is not. But thanks :)

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  • In the same situation, stuck in an abusive relationship because I signed a lease with my boyfriend I cant get out of. Maybe we can find the courage to leave together

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    • That would be nice! How is yours abusive if I may ask?

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  • Every single toxic relationship should be cut ties with as soon as possible and the abuser in the relationship should be dealt with by a legal team swiftly.

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  • My honest opinion is yes. But I didn’t put a vote out, because this isn’t a site you should use to seek relationship advice. I don’t want that to influence your decision, it’s your life and you know what’s best for you - not us!

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  • How exactly is it toxic?

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  • Buy him a chastity cage

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  • I keep believing it will all go back to what it was in the first few months. And it never happens, of course.

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    • Go to YouTube, and look up a guy called Richard Grannon, he has a lot of good videos on narcissistic abuse.

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  • You gotta leave that crazy ole harpy.

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    • I know I do but my heart speaks louder than my intellect. 💔

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      • Break up with the person, and start learning about narcissistic abuse! Seriously, google narcissistic abuse. Also go no contact. Block the person from all media and your phone as well. Move if you have to do so, and or take out a restraining order against this awful abusive person!

        Find a good therapist, and a support group with whom you can meet as well.

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        • I will google it, thank you. He really is awful and I think I just stay out of habit. It's so hard for me to leave anyone I have a relationship with because I rarely let anyone in. It's even harder to let go if it was extremely good in the beginning.

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          • Everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning. The beginning for a narcissistic abuser is the time to love bomb you, and get you hooked. The abuser is counting on you being hooked, and wanting the good ole days back when his mask comes off.

            When the mask comes off that is the real person, the one you knew in the beginning who was on his best behavior was just an act.

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