HERE'S AN UPDATE, I did end up leaving but came back for financial reasons,(but I did not cut out contact when I left which I should have) and I realized that no matter how much I tried it's not going to work out. I've been going to college for quite some time now and I'm moving back out in august but, this time I do plan to stick with my plans of absoulutely having no contact whatsoever with them, unless it's absoulutely necessary, such as an emergency etc... I know I'll be strugling to get by and will be squeezing every penny, but at this point I feel having a financial burden/struggle will be a lot easier than what I have to put up with here at home. My mother treats me so much different than the other siblings and no matter how much I do or didn't do it was never enough for her. For instance I was paying her rent, buying groceries, working 12 hour shifts and she would still nit pick at the fact that I didn't come home and clean her house or sweep and mop when she was there most of the day and I had just worked a 12 hour shift and went to school for 4. There was nothing I could do that was ever enough. She also demeaned me, told me that I would never find someone who would love/want me, just to name a few. She has never once told me she's proud of any of my accomplishments and i'm a pre-med student, but yet she will sit there and brag about my brother and sister to me and everyone else. I don't need her approval because I'm extremely self motivated, but it does kinda hurt that she doesn't acknowledge anything good I'm doing. I kinda realize my family is mentally unstable. Growing up my mom beat my brother a lot and she had the nerve to tell me recently she use to beat the crap out of him because it was my fault.. I'm no psychologist but that right there says a lot. I'm not a hatefull person in fact i'm a really sensitive person and I do have compassion and empathy for people which is why i'm studying medicine, so I can help people one day, but i've recently started feeling this profound overwelming hatred for my mother to the point where if she were to drop dead I honestly wouldn't care or shed a tear for her. I myself cant believe i've come to that point because that is not vindicitive of who I am as a person. Obviously it's not healthy for me to feel this way and I plan to speak to a school councelor to help me feel better about all this.
Should I cut my family out for a year or two or three
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HERE'S AN UPDATE, I did end up leaving but came back for financial reasons,(but I did not cut out contact when I left which I should have) and I realized that no matter how much I tried it's not going to work out. I've been going to college for quite some time now and I'm moving back out in august but, this time I do plan to stick with my plans of absoulutely having no contact whatsoever with them, unless it's absoulutely necessary, such as an emergency etc... I know I'll be strugling to get by and will be squeezing every penny, but at this point I feel having a financial burden/struggle will be a lot easier than what I have to put up with here at home. My mother treats me so much different than the other siblings and no matter how much I do or didn't do it was never enough for her. For instance I was paying her rent, buying groceries, working 12 hour shifts and she would still nit pick at the fact that I didn't come home and clean her house or sweep and mop when she was there most of the day and I had just worked a 12 hour shift and went to school for 4. There was nothing I could do that was ever enough. She also demeaned me, told me that I would never find someone who would love/want me, just to name a few. She has never once told me she's proud of any of my accomplishments and i'm a pre-med student, but yet she will sit there and brag about my brother and sister to me and everyone else. I don't need her approval because I'm extremely self motivated, but it does kinda hurt that she doesn't acknowledge anything good I'm doing. I kinda realize my family is mentally unstable. Growing up my mom beat my brother a lot and she had the nerve to tell me recently she use to beat the crap out of him because it was my fault.. I'm no psychologist but that right there says a lot. I'm not a hatefull person in fact i'm a really sensitive person and I do have compassion and empathy for people which is why i'm studying medicine, so I can help people one day, but i've recently started feeling this profound overwelming hatred for my mother to the point where if she were to drop dead I honestly wouldn't care or shed a tear for her. I myself cant believe i've come to that point because that is not vindicitive of who I am as a person. Obviously it's not healthy for me to feel this way and I plan to speak to a school councelor to help me feel better about all this.