Should i break up with my girlfriend? the strangeness is almost unreal

I realize I should take the internets opinion with a grain of salt but Im so conflicted and I need to hear some guidance. To make it simple I'm just going to list some facts about the relationship.

-Im a 23yr old male from the usa

-she's a 32 yr old Russian

-she's VERY BEAUTIFULand is like an alien in the sense that she could easily pass for 21yrs old

-She's SUPER introverted and before knowing me somehow was still a virgin (@32!!) (verified by me, definitely the truth)

- Im very out going , and through knowing me I've seen a TINY bit more of her spirit open up

- turns out that in her early years she was so isolated that she developed a general hate for humanity and even wanted to become a serial killer.

- she says and i can see that this is no longer her desire

-however she still has an extreme lack of empathy, I am completely the opposite

-and she still mixes the fantasy of sex and death together , however it's her own death , the
idea of her being hurt is satisfying to her in fantasy but not reality.

_even though she looks and dresses like an angel, she enjoys explicitly violent music.

-Ive found some light in the opposite of all this because i always felt like i was helping her be more of warrior for the light side, and she seems to have a slight interest in escaping the dark side.

-she has a notable lack of interest, a very plain lifestyle , exercise ,reading,her cat,poker, healthy but unusually plain food (NO SPICE , NO SAUCE) .

-She never really instigates conversation

-I find myself battling between wondering how much of my love for her is lustful and how much is soul

- I think alot of it is lustful as she has such an angelic look

- but if her soul was turned into a robot that i could speak too, i would be bored

-however there is still a level of admiring her innocence and being the man to "show her the world " is rather fulfilling because she hasn't tried many things, or done many activities.

- she doesn't work , she sometime plays poker and she owns her own "lofty" house.

-she studies poker and through playing a few times week somehow pays the bills on her own

AS YOU CAN SEE IT'S ALL VERY STRANGE
I have never been so conflicted , beyond being her bf , I'm like her one true friend so there is also the sadness of breaking her heart.

And the lustful attraction makes me really confused. i do enjoy going out the town with her , but I especially enjoy the ability to be intimate with her more than anything.

Break up with her! RUN ! GET OUT ! 3
Stay with her, grow together and inspire/learn from each other. 3
Break up with her but see if she'd be into still seeing each other intimately less often 1
Give it some more time , if you're still conflicted , probably best to end it 3
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Comments ( 23 )
  • andithoughtiwasweird

    this was entertaining to read

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    • Indigo1

      Thanks ! It’s entertaining to live through too , although a lot more stressful at times, lol.

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  • Nicole20

    YOU verified she was a virgin huh? Ok...sure.

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    • Indigo1

      lol , well I only mention that because people do talk about how some woman will lie about such matters. And this case is almost cinematically unreal... i mean , what? a beautiful 32 woman who is still virgin ? what is this.. mother marry herself? lol --- all i can say without getting too explicit is that to the best of my knowledge of how all that stuff works, our first go around seemed to check ALL the boxes , plus she has the personality that fits it perfectly. but you know..a little blood, pain,a general stiff flow ...ect. ect. ect. ......

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  • McBean

    This mystique stuff is alluring for a short time, but it will get eventually get you in trouble. Many of your hopes here are things that you are projecting into the relationship. If she continues to be a mystery, you've got to leave. Continued mysteriousness means something is wrong.

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    • Indigo1

      sound advice ! thanks! :) more details on her below if you care to read or/ discover any new insight.

      She has told me she feels occasional empathy ,just on a extremely reduced level and how she explains it is that she logically knows the "right thing to do" but she has a very limited if non existent range of remorse if something bad happens. and (unless its a cat!) and claims to not know what "happiness is".
      Ive seen her genuinely sad but she has a general "out for herself mentality" I've picked up in certain situations.

      I mean I guess by definition she does check many of the psychopath boxes, which is strangely exciting and horrible all at the same time.

      I mean there are functioning non-dangerous psychopaths out there... we've been seeing each other about 1-2 times a week for almost 7 months I don't think she wants to hurt me but it is concerning that she potentially would be able to sleep at night if she/or someone else did.

      She's also somewhat highly suggestive, in the sense that I 100% believe I could get her to commit a crime with me if I asked, ( 21rst century bonnie and clyde! lol) so that's also weird, good thing I've got my morals and values in tune and would never! Ive obviously been trying to put things in the opposite direction of crime!

      Another weird thing with these situations is that I can never be certain of her scincerity, she basically idealizes me constantly and she says that I've "opened her heart to the potential of feeling love" --.one time I told her over the phone "I was in the worst pain of my life last night"(a tooth thing) her first reaction was laughter, and then "remorse"

      This happens if a violent song comes on too, she'll often laugh and smile

      but you know, we still go on walks , have deep talks , watch shows , make love and have (non violent related) laughs ect. ect. have a general good time together where all this kind of melts away ...but maybe i shouldn't let it melt away.

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      • McBean

        It's a seductive dynamic isn't it?

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  • RoseIsabella

    Was she raised in a Russian orphanage? I don't know how long you have known her, but tread lightly. God only knows what she has been through, but the lack of empathy is a definite red flag! If I were you I'd watch my back.

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    • Indigo1

      No, the only troublesome past I've heard from her is that she was raised in strict home that forced her to play violin religiously at a young age which she looks back on with anger. her family is still in Russia. -Ya the weird thing is, Her negative sides like "lack of empathy" occasionally feel like positives in the sense that i feel like there could be some sort of destiny in the sense that I'm meant to help her, as I've always been very empathic. like I'm rescuing her from the darkness. But I'm just unsure ALL THE TIME, dear god i just don't know. I will tread lightly indeed , thanks! :)

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      • RoseIsabella

        I think whatever hardships she has told you of are merely the tip of the proverbial iceberg. You may want to fix her, but I tend to believe that we can't fix other people if those people don't actually want to change.

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        • Indigo1

          That's what I've been thinking about.. is maybe trying to sort of "measure" her desire to leave the dark side of life behind.

          she has told me she feels occasional empathy ,just on a extremely reduced level and how she explains it is that she logically knows the "right thing to do" but she has a very limited if non existent range of remorse if something bad happens. and (unless its a cat!) and claims to not know what "happiness is".
          Ive seen her genuinely sad but she has a general "out for herself mentality" I've picked up in certain situations.

          I mean I guess by definition she does check many of the psychopath boxes, which is strangely exciting and horrible all at the same time.

          I mean there are functioning non-dangerous psychopaths out there... we've been seeing each other about 1-2 times a week for almost 7 months I don't think she wants to hurt me but it is concerning that she potentially would be able to sleep at night if she/or someone else did.

          She's also somewhat highly suggestive, in the sense that I 100% believe I could get her to commit a crime with me if I asked, ( 21rst century bonnie and clyde! lol) so that's also weird, good thing I've got my morals and values in tune and would never! Ive obviously been trying to put things in the opposite direction of crime!

          Another weird thing with these situations is that I can never be certain of her scincerity, she basically idealizes me constantly and she says that I've "opened her heart to the potential of feeling love" --.one time I told her over the phone "I was in the worst pain of my life last night"(a tooth thing) her first reaction was laughter, and then "remorse"

          This happens if a violent song comes on too, she'll often laugh and smile

          but you know, we still go on walks , have deep talks , watch shows , make love and have (non violent related) laughs ect. ect. have a general good time together where all this kind of melts away ...but maybe i shouldn't let it melt away.

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          • RoseIsabella

            She wants to hurt you?

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            • Indigo1

              Not that I'm aware of, but I'm more at 85% sure she wouldn't want to hurt me when in most relationships you feel 100%. I'm not really sure how she could react if i broke up with her. her lack of empathy is deficiant enough that even though she "idealizes me" calls me perfect and overall she seems to like me/care for me , Im fairly certain that if something were to happen to me that although she may be depressed in some sense , she would still have the cold stone ability to not let it upset her that much and would rest at the very least much easier than most at night.

              Her whole idea of death is unusual in the sense that i don't believe she see's it as such a bad thing. her slightly sexual fantasies involve her dying

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