She's losing weight, and I'm losing interest.

I really have to take a huge, toilet clogging, shit, but someone is in the bathroom, so now I have to concentrate on holding it in. Unfortunately, when I do that, a large quantity of sweat pools between my butt cheeks and I wind up having to change my pants due to the sweat soaking them because I don't want to look like I peed myself when I didn't. Help me!