It is not a problem to have an opinion which is different from mine. However, I don't think that what I wrote in my previous comment is only a matter of my own opinion.
Having sexual needs is manifested as sexual desire which is considered to be a part of a healthy sexual functioning. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder is an officially recognized sexual dysfunction - both the DSM-IV and the ICD-10 see this condition as problematic. A person with healthy sex drive needs sexual release - otherwise they experience sexual frustration which is detrimental to one's psychological health. A person who is sexually rejected by their partner on a regular basis takes it personally which influences their emotional well-being and impacts the quality of their relationship.
You can call me an idiot when I advice someone not to start relationship with a person who experiences sexuality completely differently but I still think that avoiding serious sexual incompatibility in a relationship is not a sign of mental retardation. Doing otherwise is at least an expression of total ignorance to sexual frustration experienced by people all around the world (BTW - it is not my case as I am lucky to have a great sex life with my partner).
Lack of sex does not necessarily imply rejection by a partner or anyone else, so the point about the emotional impacts of rejection is moot.
The diagnostic manuals are ever-changing. They are not gospel, they are not facts. They are guidelines based on the small amount of information we have.
The key word is "otherwise". "Otherwise they experience sexual frustration which is detrimental to one's psychological health", you say. "Otherwise". I need to write my essay, otherwise I will fail. By your logic, this means I have "essay needs". I need to write this comment otherwise I will be bored. By your logic, this means I have "comment needs". I need to wash my face otherwise I will become spotty. By your logic, this means I have "face-washing needs". "Otherwise" is a word that turns "needs" on it's head. "Needs" implies there is only one, single course of action: I MUST have sexual relief. "Otherwise" implies there is a conceivable alternative, so it is not true that you MUST have sex after all.
I have no problem with that advice. The advice is sound and probably accurate. That is not what I found idiotic about your post; I'm sure I made perfectly clear what I found idiotic about your post.
The point with lack of sex resulting in sexual frustration makes sense only in case of people who have sexual needs. You can skip that - if you don't have sexual needs it is understandable that discussing emotions going hand in hand with that makes little sense to you.
As for the diagnostic manuals, I agree with you that they are not gospel etc. However, based on knowledge we currently have, conditions which are seen unhealthy or dysfunctional have been defined. You can deal with it or reject it and if you are ill (or dysfunctional) you can call it a different mode of existence.
""Needs" implies there is only one, single course of action: I MUST have sexual relief. "Otherwise" implies there is a conceivable alternative, so it is not true that you MUST have sex after all."
What I mean is this:
A person with healthy sex drive needs sexual release and they either have it or experience sexual frustration. I suggested that there are only these possibilities for such person so the term "needs" is accurate in their case. Other possibilities are irrelevant because they are applicable only to people who don't fulfill the condition of having sexual needs such as you are.
Sexual needs?
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It is not a problem to have an opinion which is different from mine. However, I don't think that what I wrote in my previous comment is only a matter of my own opinion.
Having sexual needs is manifested as sexual desire which is considered to be a part of a healthy sexual functioning. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder is an officially recognized sexual dysfunction - both the DSM-IV and the ICD-10 see this condition as problematic. A person with healthy sex drive needs sexual release - otherwise they experience sexual frustration which is detrimental to one's psychological health. A person who is sexually rejected by their partner on a regular basis takes it personally which influences their emotional well-being and impacts the quality of their relationship.
You can call me an idiot when I advice someone not to start relationship with a person who experiences sexuality completely differently but I still think that avoiding serious sexual incompatibility in a relationship is not a sign of mental retardation. Doing otherwise is at least an expression of total ignorance to sexual frustration experienced by people all around the world (BTW - it is not my case as I am lucky to have a great sex life with my partner).
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dom180
10 years ago
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Lack of sex does not necessarily imply rejection by a partner or anyone else, so the point about the emotional impacts of rejection is moot.
The diagnostic manuals are ever-changing. They are not gospel, they are not facts. They are guidelines based on the small amount of information we have.
The key word is "otherwise". "Otherwise they experience sexual frustration which is detrimental to one's psychological health", you say. "Otherwise". I need to write my essay, otherwise I will fail. By your logic, this means I have "essay needs". I need to write this comment otherwise I will be bored. By your logic, this means I have "comment needs". I need to wash my face otherwise I will become spotty. By your logic, this means I have "face-washing needs". "Otherwise" is a word that turns "needs" on it's head. "Needs" implies there is only one, single course of action: I MUST have sexual relief. "Otherwise" implies there is a conceivable alternative, so it is not true that you MUST have sex after all.
I have no problem with that advice. The advice is sound and probably accurate. That is not what I found idiotic about your post; I'm sure I made perfectly clear what I found idiotic about your post.
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Naamah
10 years ago
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The point with lack of sex resulting in sexual frustration makes sense only in case of people who have sexual needs. You can skip that - if you don't have sexual needs it is understandable that discussing emotions going hand in hand with that makes little sense to you.
As for the diagnostic manuals, I agree with you that they are not gospel etc. However, based on knowledge we currently have, conditions which are seen unhealthy or dysfunctional have been defined. You can deal with it or reject it and if you are ill (or dysfunctional) you can call it a different mode of existence.
""Needs" implies there is only one, single course of action: I MUST have sexual relief. "Otherwise" implies there is a conceivable alternative, so it is not true that you MUST have sex after all."
What I mean is this:
A person with healthy sex drive needs sexual release and they either have it or experience sexual frustration. I suggested that there are only these possibilities for such person so the term "needs" is accurate in their case. Other possibilities are irrelevant because they are applicable only to people who don't fulfill the condition of having sexual needs such as you are.