You know, I really wish your last statement was true. I'm not saying it's an all the time sort of thing, but the bystander effect is quite powerful and I have seen things too many times myself where people do not intervene.
Don't get me wrong, I do truly believe that most people are generally good, or try to be, even if we all have different ways of showing that or desires for how we want to make the world better. But when confronted with something like that, there are all too often those who don't help... either becasue they're afraid of the confrontation, because they believe - say in a crowd - that someone else will, or simply because they do not believe it's any of their business.
It's something that's honestly really bothered me in recent years.. see say a youtube video of someone being hurt, or being assaulted... and rather than intervene everyone standing around pulls out their phones and starts recording. I've been the first to be on the scene when I've seen an accident as countless people go by, I've picked up a drunk girl passed out on a busy street whom everyone ignored... and I myself found myself once trapped in an abusive relationship - in an apartment building where I know neighbors could hear what he was doing. No one ever called the police, no one ever said a damned thing.
It sounds like even in your anecdote... no one helped you. And that's terrible and I'm so glad you're okay... anyone can be a psychopath, and I am so sorry no one attempted to intervene on your behalf.
It's not necessarily something I feel makes people "bad" - though I'd have some strong words for the ones who see something going down, and instead of calling for help, decide they're going to post it on youtube - more so that it's a defense mechanism of not getting involved, or the results of say, bystander effect or just world fallacy - cognitive biases that are oftentimes unconconscious that need to be consciously overcame.
I try every day to not let myself fall prey to such biases, and to actually step in and do something because I've seen first hand how often no one else will. Hopefully by being the types of people who would step in and do something about it, others will be inspired to do the same. We're all in this crazy dance of life togther, we should do what we can to help one another.
That got a bit rambly so apologies for that - it's something I've felt rather strongly about for some time now. Shitty people do exist... I hope that together the rest of us can make it a world in which we protect each other from them.
I'll agree that there are things where people don't intervene but male on female violence is one of those things that rarely are ignored, especially if it's a full blown rape. I'd say the dynamics between a crowd and violence differs on who is committing a crime and who is suffering from one. For example, a guy fighting a guy, nobody would intervene, a woman fighting a woman, nobody would intervene, a woman hitting a guy, nobody would intervene, and a guy fighting (beating) a woman, people certainly intervene (Unless the woman has been attacking people prior).
Not saying this is the case all the time but most times I would say it's how it goes, heck I even stepped up a few times in my younger years when I've seen it happen, not to toot my own horn. I remember I got tackled by some guy because he assumed I was hitting my friend when we were just play fighting (The poor guy ended up getting cussed out by my friend haha).
And aye, same here in regards to the drunk girl thing. I've had to get a few home myself, although I tend to make sure I have a friend with me just incase some wild accussation is made. One time I actually felt like I was being assumed of trying to take advantage of one by two guys because they seen me and my buddy trying to get her home, which is obviously a good thing but it felt humiliating. Lol.
As for the abuse part you spoke of, I'm sorry that such a thing happened but I don't know if it's comparable to being in a public space and seeing abuse. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying your abuse isn't bad, I think it's worse that you'd be a victim of abuse in your own home, however the public can't gage 100% what's going on as they would be able to a public assault. I was at a clients one time working and it sounded like there was a domestic. I have to admit, I had no idea what was going on so I didn't make the call. Turns out it was someone I know and the police did eventually come. At the time I was out having a smoke and she got escorted out and put in the car (I still don't know what was going on) and she turned to me because I was out there and screamed at me for calling the police even though I hadn't.
Aye, it is an iffy one I went through, it didn't just stop that night. I think part of why nobody stepped in is because I'm a well-built guy so it was just assumed I feel no pain, and that I'm a guy so I must be wanting to fuck her. Haha.
So while I agree in most common cases of violence, what you say is true but I think it differs when in public violence happens in regards to who is hitting who and the seriousness of what's happening.
It's good you step in, though. I can't say I do as much anymore because it could risk my job and stuff if I'm caught getting into fights and shit.
That's true. I enjoy watching the What Would You Do videos on youtube, I wonder if they've done one with a male victim. Should look that up. I've seen a few where they change race, gender, age etc on people in the scenarios and surprsingly haven't seen one yet where it made a difference in intervention. The only one I recall where very few people intervened was, oddly enough, them acting out a scene of a 15 year old who was being forced into marriage, though I feel it had more to do with the area they were in (near the LDS cult town).
And that's true, sometimes it's vague. I know I've questioned before if I need to get involved and once or twice was proven wrong, though never in a "calling the police" sort of scenario. I certainly can't blame anyone for not doing anything, even if a part of me wished for it at the time. The guy in question actually apparently has grown up a lot since the time we dated and I left him and is now in a healthy relationship after dealing with his anger issues, so in hindsight I'm glad nothing more came of it and that he was able to grow past that and become a better person.
And I guess I get that, but at the same time physical strength isn't everything when it comes to cases of abuse, especially say in the context of a relationship and I wish more people would understand that. I've known several guys who were raped. Didn't matter if the girl was weaker than them, almost all of them were in cases of extreme intoxication... one friend woke up in his bed to a girl on top of him. :/ We really need to take male abuse more seriously, and abuse other than physical... psychological or emotional abuse can be equally as damaging, and in plenty of cases those mental injuries take the longest to heal.
Hah, can't really blame you there, I'm a small girl myself so any intervention on my part would simply be trying to deescalate, I wouldn't stand a chance if it came to blows with most people and honestly, probably would effect my own employment as well if I wound up being charged since most management positions go off background checks.
Late response I know but your reply was very well thought out and I'd have felt bad if I didnt. Hope life is treating you well and you're not still dealing with any of the crazies out there.
Seriously Guys..
↑ View this comment's parent
← View full post
You know, I really wish your last statement was true. I'm not saying it's an all the time sort of thing, but the bystander effect is quite powerful and I have seen things too many times myself where people do not intervene.
Don't get me wrong, I do truly believe that most people are generally good, or try to be, even if we all have different ways of showing that or desires for how we want to make the world better. But when confronted with something like that, there are all too often those who don't help... either becasue they're afraid of the confrontation, because they believe - say in a crowd - that someone else will, or simply because they do not believe it's any of their business.
It's something that's honestly really bothered me in recent years.. see say a youtube video of someone being hurt, or being assaulted... and rather than intervene everyone standing around pulls out their phones and starts recording. I've been the first to be on the scene when I've seen an accident as countless people go by, I've picked up a drunk girl passed out on a busy street whom everyone ignored... and I myself found myself once trapped in an abusive relationship - in an apartment building where I know neighbors could hear what he was doing. No one ever called the police, no one ever said a damned thing.
It sounds like even in your anecdote... no one helped you. And that's terrible and I'm so glad you're okay... anyone can be a psychopath, and I am so sorry no one attempted to intervene on your behalf.
It's not necessarily something I feel makes people "bad" - though I'd have some strong words for the ones who see something going down, and instead of calling for help, decide they're going to post it on youtube - more so that it's a defense mechanism of not getting involved, or the results of say, bystander effect or just world fallacy - cognitive biases that are oftentimes unconconscious that need to be consciously overcame.
I try every day to not let myself fall prey to such biases, and to actually step in and do something because I've seen first hand how often no one else will. Hopefully by being the types of people who would step in and do something about it, others will be inspired to do the same. We're all in this crazy dance of life togther, we should do what we can to help one another.
That got a bit rambly so apologies for that - it's something I've felt rather strongly about for some time now. Shitty people do exist... I hope that together the rest of us can make it a world in which we protect each other from them.
--
[Old Memory]
5 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
I'll agree that there are things where people don't intervene but male on female violence is one of those things that rarely are ignored, especially if it's a full blown rape. I'd say the dynamics between a crowd and violence differs on who is committing a crime and who is suffering from one. For example, a guy fighting a guy, nobody would intervene, a woman fighting a woman, nobody would intervene, a woman hitting a guy, nobody would intervene, and a guy fighting (beating) a woman, people certainly intervene (Unless the woman has been attacking people prior).
Not saying this is the case all the time but most times I would say it's how it goes, heck I even stepped up a few times in my younger years when I've seen it happen, not to toot my own horn. I remember I got tackled by some guy because he assumed I was hitting my friend when we were just play fighting (The poor guy ended up getting cussed out by my friend haha).
And aye, same here in regards to the drunk girl thing. I've had to get a few home myself, although I tend to make sure I have a friend with me just incase some wild accussation is made. One time I actually felt like I was being assumed of trying to take advantage of one by two guys because they seen me and my buddy trying to get her home, which is obviously a good thing but it felt humiliating. Lol.
As for the abuse part you spoke of, I'm sorry that such a thing happened but I don't know if it's comparable to being in a public space and seeing abuse. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying your abuse isn't bad, I think it's worse that you'd be a victim of abuse in your own home, however the public can't gage 100% what's going on as they would be able to a public assault. I was at a clients one time working and it sounded like there was a domestic. I have to admit, I had no idea what was going on so I didn't make the call. Turns out it was someone I know and the police did eventually come. At the time I was out having a smoke and she got escorted out and put in the car (I still don't know what was going on) and she turned to me because I was out there and screamed at me for calling the police even though I hadn't.
Aye, it is an iffy one I went through, it didn't just stop that night. I think part of why nobody stepped in is because I'm a well-built guy so it was just assumed I feel no pain, and that I'm a guy so I must be wanting to fuck her. Haha.
So while I agree in most common cases of violence, what you say is true but I think it differs when in public violence happens in regards to who is hitting who and the seriousness of what's happening.
It's good you step in, though. I can't say I do as much anymore because it could risk my job and stuff if I'm caught getting into fights and shit.
Hey, no apologies. It was a good response. :)
--
shade_ilmaendu
5 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
That's true. I enjoy watching the What Would You Do videos on youtube, I wonder if they've done one with a male victim. Should look that up. I've seen a few where they change race, gender, age etc on people in the scenarios and surprsingly haven't seen one yet where it made a difference in intervention. The only one I recall where very few people intervened was, oddly enough, them acting out a scene of a 15 year old who was being forced into marriage, though I feel it had more to do with the area they were in (near the LDS cult town).
And that's true, sometimes it's vague. I know I've questioned before if I need to get involved and once or twice was proven wrong, though never in a "calling the police" sort of scenario. I certainly can't blame anyone for not doing anything, even if a part of me wished for it at the time. The guy in question actually apparently has grown up a lot since the time we dated and I left him and is now in a healthy relationship after dealing with his anger issues, so in hindsight I'm glad nothing more came of it and that he was able to grow past that and become a better person.
And I guess I get that, but at the same time physical strength isn't everything when it comes to cases of abuse, especially say in the context of a relationship and I wish more people would understand that. I've known several guys who were raped. Didn't matter if the girl was weaker than them, almost all of them were in cases of extreme intoxication... one friend woke up in his bed to a girl on top of him. :/ We really need to take male abuse more seriously, and abuse other than physical... psychological or emotional abuse can be equally as damaging, and in plenty of cases those mental injuries take the longest to heal.
Hah, can't really blame you there, I'm a small girl myself so any intervention on my part would simply be trying to deescalate, I wouldn't stand a chance if it came to blows with most people and honestly, probably would effect my own employment as well if I wound up being charged since most management positions go off background checks.
Late response I know but your reply was very well thought out and I'd have felt bad if I didnt. Hope life is treating you well and you're not still dealing with any of the crazies out there.