Roommates: would you be upset?

This is clearly a Judge Judy situation.

I'm aware that this is just your perspective of things and there's always at least two sides to any story, but that doesn't mean the other side(s) of _this_ story would necessarily make you look unreasonable.

Sharing accommodation with anyone - even someone you like a lot or even love - can be a pain. Things which are trivial in isolation can accumulate until our total resentment reaches the point where every little thing the other person does pisses us off. If one (or all) of the people involved lacks the intelligence, emotional maturity and good will to calmly and honestly discuss points of tension as they arise and negotiate a comprise which everyone can at least tolerate, then everyone is going to end up unhappy.

I have no idea what the dude's major malfunction is, but what you describe here sounds like dominance-establishing behaviour. I guess you should at least be pleased that he isn't pissing on your bedroom door to mark his territory and remind you who's the top dog.

A couple of thoughts occur to me:

First, a truism: nobody can ever force someone else to change who they fundamentally are and how they behave; the best we can do is change how we choose to react to their actions. While I do understand how his behaviour irks you, don't you think that, in the grand scale of things, it's all pretty trivial?

If he wants to get upset about a utensil being in the sink and make a big show out of demonstrating what you should have done with it, he's free to be annoyed by that and to feel proud of how he's schooling you. You're free to either be annoyed by this, or you could calmly thank him for saving you a bit of work by tidying up and carry on eating your meal. If he wants to close the blinds in the kitchen, is it really so difficult for you to open them again? Is that really a hill that you're (metaphorically) willing to die on? If he chooses to take your clothing out of the washer, does that actually harm them in any way? Or has he just saved you a tiny bit of time and effort by doing this trivial chore for you?

It seems to me that the key point about how you should respond to his actions is that you should strive to be calm and polite. I'm not suggesting you should allow him to get away with whatever crap he feels like doing, but it really sounds like he's trying to get a reaction out of you - kinda like how a three-year-old will act up just to get attention from their parents. If you keep your cool and either ignore him or respond in a rational, grownup way, I suspect it's most likely he'll get fed up with the game.

I bet that ten years down the line, you'll look back at the shit he does and find it pathetic and silly. The question is, will you then look back on how you reacted to it and be proud that you responded to his provocations in a mature and sensible way? Or will you try to avoid thinking about how he got into your head and you rose to his bait because you're not at all proud of that?

The other thought that occurred to me concerns the relationship between the guy and the woman. You don't say how long they've been together, but it sounds like they're still in that early stage where everything's rosy and they're completely wrapped up in each other. That phase hardly ever lasts more than a few months; the pressures of the real world and a growing understanding of the true nature of the person you're with eventually takes the shine off and disagreements - often very silly ones - begin to arise.

From what you say about the guy, it sounds like his conflict-resolution skills are totally shit. Assuming the woman isn't one of those sad creatures who's willing to be a man's doormat and assuming that the dynamic between the two isn't something really toxic - maybe even some form of manipulative emotional abuse - the odds are that, sooner or later, the two of them are going to crash into some sort of issue. If she thinks it's important enough for her to stand her ground and he's one of those people who's incapable of negotiation and compromise, things may fall apart very rapidly, possibly in a quite spectacular way.

Since you say you cannot kick them out of the apartment, it sounds to me like you have only one choice to make: stay or leave. Only you can decide which of those, all things considered, is the least bad option. If you cannot get out of the rental agreement, then you have two other choices: learn to deal with his silly shit and her complacency, or allow him to continue to get to you and occupy space in your head.

Yes, unfortunately it is expensive. I have been blessed in my life, but now I'm living with my elderly parents, and trying to learn how to be a caregiver.