Here's what I think. Infatuations are a dime a dozen. But every so often a person comes along and you have only one chance to be with them and learn from them. There are some people out there that can completely change your life, and I wouldn't want you to miss out on that. But for the most part, sure you can learn from anyone but those lessons are available to be learned from other sources and if you miss out on one opportunity, surely you'll have another chance. So I think that you have to figure out exactly what makes this X person so special and decide if you think they might be one of those life-changing people.
It's also been my experience that life-changers aren't the people that you are infatuated with, and most of the time you can't identify their potential until you've had several long in-depth conversations with them. And sometime you don't realize the power of their wisdom until you've parted and you do some reflecting. But they tend not to be the people that you are just extremely physically attracted to - although they can be.
For the record, I think I understand where you are coming from. I practice non-attachment, independence and self-sufficiency myself, and I think I know what you are trying to achieve. I think it's good for you. I personally take great pride in the fact that I don't need anyone but myself. But realize that you have your whole life to develop those skills, whereas you don't necessarily have your whole life to try things out with X. I think a good test is observe how you feel about other people and see if you ONLY care about X, or if you care about X but you also think about Y & Z sometimes.
That's a good thought about the fleeting nature of love (let's just call it that for the time being). It's true that I have the rest of my life to work on self-reliance, and dependence could probably teach me about independence. I'm still young. Though I'm glad you agree that learning to be comfortable with yourself is a good thing.
But regarding your last statement - to me, attraction isn't an arrow, it's a wave, and while it may hit some people more than others, you can't always expect it to have a single central target. Though X is certainly the one who keeps me up at night, if that's what you mean.
We've had fantastic conversations ranging from philosophy to art to emotion to life and death as well as simpler things. I'll admit that it began as a crush, and though I'm constantly wary of relationships that are born in infatuation, I do think I feel something beyond that. I'm positive that X does too; it's impossible for either of our faces to not light up when we see each other, and we have joyful, brilliant conversations. I just don't know whether they share my romantic feelings.
I feel as though I've become comfortable enough with myself that it doesn't matter whether or not they do. But we hold "hindsight" and "regret" as these great, imminent looming things that scare us into acting without thinking. Western culture seems to hold this romantic ideal of "stupid love" in high regard... but I'm not sure that I agree with it. I guess that's what this story really boils down to. Maybe I should have just posted that instead.
You're completely right in your comment about attaction, and I realize the problem of what I said. I'm sorry about that. Of course you will feel attraction to other people, that's just the way people work. I guess what I meant was more that you should consider if you also have feelings approaching infatuation with Y & Z.
Another thing to consider is that periodically you have to test your progress by examining how you fare with other people. I think that in light of what you said about X, he might be a good person to enter into a relationship with to see how you are doing. But you probably need to have a conversation early on about your personal project of loving yourself and not needing anyone else so that he can respect your space and allow you to continue to work towards your goals.
By the way, is X even a 'he'? I'm sorry if I got that wrong; it really doesn't matter what this person's gender is but it hurts my soul to use the pronoun 'they' for a single person. That's not grammatically correct.
For the record, X is female. Getting involved with her will definitely challenge the degree to which I've become emotionally self-sufficient, whether I'm dealing with reciprocation or rejection. I just don't want anyone else to be in command of my emotions. I've already talked to her about this kind of thing, just not in the context of our relationship or even romance in general, and in fact if there's one thing we've avoided discussing in depth, it's our own relationship. Everything is pretty ambiguous. But I think I may ask her out to coffee this weekend.
Risk in Adventure/Safety in Serenity
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Here's what I think. Infatuations are a dime a dozen. But every so often a person comes along and you have only one chance to be with them and learn from them. There are some people out there that can completely change your life, and I wouldn't want you to miss out on that. But for the most part, sure you can learn from anyone but those lessons are available to be learned from other sources and if you miss out on one opportunity, surely you'll have another chance. So I think that you have to figure out exactly what makes this X person so special and decide if you think they might be one of those life-changing people.
It's also been my experience that life-changers aren't the people that you are infatuated with, and most of the time you can't identify their potential until you've had several long in-depth conversations with them. And sometime you don't realize the power of their wisdom until you've parted and you do some reflecting. But they tend not to be the people that you are just extremely physically attracted to - although they can be.
For the record, I think I understand where you are coming from. I practice non-attachment, independence and self-sufficiency myself, and I think I know what you are trying to achieve. I think it's good for you. I personally take great pride in the fact that I don't need anyone but myself. But realize that you have your whole life to develop those skills, whereas you don't necessarily have your whole life to try things out with X. I think a good test is observe how you feel about other people and see if you ONLY care about X, or if you care about X but you also think about Y & Z sometimes.
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11 years ago
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That's a good thought about the fleeting nature of love (let's just call it that for the time being). It's true that I have the rest of my life to work on self-reliance, and dependence could probably teach me about independence. I'm still young. Though I'm glad you agree that learning to be comfortable with yourself is a good thing.
But regarding your last statement - to me, attraction isn't an arrow, it's a wave, and while it may hit some people more than others, you can't always expect it to have a single central target. Though X is certainly the one who keeps me up at night, if that's what you mean.
We've had fantastic conversations ranging from philosophy to art to emotion to life and death as well as simpler things. I'll admit that it began as a crush, and though I'm constantly wary of relationships that are born in infatuation, I do think I feel something beyond that. I'm positive that X does too; it's impossible for either of our faces to not light up when we see each other, and we have joyful, brilliant conversations. I just don't know whether they share my romantic feelings.
I feel as though I've become comfortable enough with myself that it doesn't matter whether or not they do. But we hold "hindsight" and "regret" as these great, imminent looming things that scare us into acting without thinking. Western culture seems to hold this romantic ideal of "stupid love" in high regard... but I'm not sure that I agree with it. I guess that's what this story really boils down to. Maybe I should have just posted that instead.
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i330
11 years ago
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You're completely right in your comment about attaction, and I realize the problem of what I said. I'm sorry about that. Of course you will feel attraction to other people, that's just the way people work. I guess what I meant was more that you should consider if you also have feelings approaching infatuation with Y & Z.
Another thing to consider is that periodically you have to test your progress by examining how you fare with other people. I think that in light of what you said about X, he might be a good person to enter into a relationship with to see how you are doing. But you probably need to have a conversation early on about your personal project of loving yourself and not needing anyone else so that he can respect your space and allow you to continue to work towards your goals.
By the way, is X even a 'he'? I'm sorry if I got that wrong; it really doesn't matter what this person's gender is but it hurts my soul to use the pronoun 'they' for a single person. That's not grammatically correct.
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Anonymous Post Author
11 years ago
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For the record, X is female. Getting involved with her will definitely challenge the degree to which I've become emotionally self-sufficient, whether I'm dealing with reciprocation or rejection. I just don't want anyone else to be in command of my emotions. I've already talked to her about this kind of thing, just not in the context of our relationship or even romance in general, and in fact if there's one thing we've avoided discussing in depth, it's our own relationship. Everything is pretty ambiguous. But I think I may ask her out to coffee this weekend.