Rapscallions are stealing and vandalizing my lawn ornaments

My garden and my lawn ornaments are my only pride and joy left. How can I stop the local teenagers from defacing or stealing them? I have lost a couple of good garden gnomes, and a lawn jockey to teenage tomfoolery. I can't afford high tech surveillance, the police don't care, and I don't want to get violent. What should I do?

Voting Results
60% Normal
Based on 15 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 26 )
  • HeTalksInMaths

    landmines

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  • nikkiclaire

    You just wanted to use the word rapscallions, didn't you? 🤣

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    • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

      seems like some frolickin skullduggery and cavortin goin on too

      thangs could git discombobulated and go cattywampus resultin in a kerfuffle

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    • Pretty much 😘

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    • RoseIsabella

      That was right on time, girl!

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  • Talkingtoe

    Set up cameras (needs long batteries or motion sensors) if you are able to catch them in the act report it to your local police for 1. Vandalism 2. Defacing Private property

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  • raisinbran

    Punji sticks smeared with granny's feces, covered with a sheet of astro turf.

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    • RoseIsabella

      That's some hardcore muthafuckin' shit!

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  • 1. Scary guard dog, though, if the words that you're using are any insight into your age, then he might eat your decrepit ass instead.

    2. You could try talking to their parents about this "tomfoolery".

    3. You could pay another jackass teenager to start harassing them. I'd fuck with somebody for 2 bucks because I'm bored.

    4. If you take the gnomes and stuff down for a couple of months, they might lose enough interest so that if you put them back up, they'll leave your stuff alone.

    Whatever you do, just don't act out emotionally. They won't get bored with you as quickly if you do.

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  • xxLucifer

    Have you tried calling the police? My grandmother had the same problem and when she called the police they started driving by her house more often until they caught the person doing it. Also it doesn't cost that much for surveillance you can get a couple of wireless cameras made for outdoor use for around $100.

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  • paramore93

    Hide secret messages in your gnomes, if they're creepy enough they won't come back.
    "This gnome is cursed, return it or face dire consequences."

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    • That's not a bad idea

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

    high voltage

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  • Dot123

    electric fence, motion sense lights, guard dog.

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  • Vvaas

    get an aggressive dog that will bite the shit out of people

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  • BleedingPain

    Set up a sprinkler system that sprays something other than water for the night time. Let them get soaked in your urine or somethibg like that >.>

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  • If you can't afford regular surveillance, maybe you could peep out of your window with a camera and catch the twerps in the act.

    Send the video to the cops, the parents, and maybe post it online.

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  • bigbudchonga

    Put some traps up. Maybe caltrops, or something like that. You can put traps up that aren't lethal or that damaging but will still do some damage. Look up if you can legally do it of course, but if you can then put something up.

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  • Ellenna

    How do you know it's teenagers?

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    • Fair enough, it could be 12 year olds.

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      • Ellenna

        Or it could be adults

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        • Not likely but okay

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  • Boojum

    Do they still sell plastic flamingos on sticks as lawn ornaments in states? When I was a kid back in the sixties, I really wanted us to have those. What my parents bought instead was a pathetic set of mother duck and ducklings. Disappointments such as this can scar you for life.

    If you want more police attention on your house, the sixth one down on this page should result in that: https://www.oddee.com/item_98068.aspx

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    • Were you in Florida? As classy and timeless as flamingos are, it might have been a bit poseurish to have them in upstate New York.

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      • Boojum

        It was even worse than that: Montana.

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  • lordofopinions

    Gun.

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