Potentially asexual? some reservations

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5 Comments

I'll start by saying I'm a 19 year old male and I've had sex once.

It's not that I find women (or men, as it were) unattractive. Infact, quite the opposite. That said, I don't have any particular interest in having sex. The one time I have had sex, the act itself didn't arouse me whatsoever. What did arouse me was the woman being in pleasure. I would have been quite happy to keep it at foreplay, but figured since I'd gone that far and she was repeatedly saying (yelling?) "fuck me", I should do the deed. I didn't ejaculate, but things went alright. It felt more like like a duty than fun.

I've never had a relationship, the sex being a one off thing. I've had 3 very good friends over the years. One was a lesbian who was the most amazing woman. I've never had much of a friendship with other women (in as much as hanging out every day, etc), and it was really great to be in a friendship with a woman without the sex equation ever coming in to it.

The other two friends were both male, and oddly enough, were both extremely sexually active. Quite the ladies men. Being the excellent friends they were, they never insulted me or made fun of me for not being particularly interested in women (I'm sure not having to compete was a nice bonus ;) )

Sorry for the life story, just thought a little background would be useful.

I do masturbate, somewhat regularly.

Now, I don't have any particular problem living out my life without ever having sex again. The problem I have, is that one day, I might meet the most amazing woman. We may get along wonderfully, everything going fantastic. Then, inevitably, the problem of sex will arise. Now, I've thought "Well, if this hypothetical woman loves you, she won't care that you aren't interested in sex", but came to the conclusion that is a ridiculous thing to think. In the same way that sex is wholly unimportant to myself, it is equally as important to other men and women, perhaps a vital part of any healthy relationship. Even if I decided that this woman was so special to me I would do what was necessary... I'd be potentially lacking 20-odd years of experience which might put this potential woman off.

Am I normal?

Is It Normal?
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  • AceOf<3s
    12 years ago | pl

    *purpose.

    I would also say that if you are SEXUALLY attracted to one or both of the genders you aren't asexual, you just don't like sex. Check out www.asexuality.org for more info and FAQs :)

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  • AceOf<3s
    12 years ago | pl

    I'm an 18 yo asexual, and I am the same- sex seems a bit of a chore and it doesn't do much for me. I also worry about finding someone who isn't into sex. However I had a boyfriend for a year and a half and we had sex regularly so I had plenty if opportunities to realise I was asexual. It wasn't terrible but I can live without it easily.

    You need to really have sex a couple more times to find out properly but don't have one night stands just for this pirpose

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  • mdy112
    13 years ago | pl

    The only sexually encounter you truly ever had was, by the sounds of it, merely alright...since you never had the opportunity to cum is also an issue. Once you find that one that you can love and sex comes into the picture, take that with stride to experience sex, not as a chore. You and that woman being in sync is what it comes down to and experiment one anothers body to figure out how each of you feel comfortable, enjoying the act of sex. I'm a 27 yr old female and hated my 1st two times and felt as you do, but again, when the sex came up, I expressed how I wanted to be felt by sex..how it feels when he touched me, how I wanted to be comfortable and how he could help do that for me. After that, sex was great from learning to communicate what I wanted and felt relief..cumming can be easily done once ur confident, open and relaxed.

    Just don't rush it, but it'll always be a factor..it's natural and as you said, healthy in relationships. If you liked giving her pleasure, odds are the next wants the same thing for you so always be empathic to the other one you're with. Hope it helps a little.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago | pl

    aww thats sweeeett

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  • laceandwhatnot
    13 years ago | pl

    I'm sure it's normal and maybe you can join a dating group where there are only a-sexual males and females.

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