Please please help me
****PLEASE READ EVERYTHING****
I need help, please whoever ever is reading this
I don't know how to explain all of this, but I will try
I'm currently sitting in my closet with the door locked, feeling fuckin INSANE
Ever once in a while, this happens to me. I get very very sad and depressed for at least one day, and then I get all these thoughts of shit I can't explain.
I'm a nihilist, but I get into an odd mindset of this fuckin questioning the world shit. Its not even fuckin questions.
I just feel SO BAD I don't know why
I dont always feel bad
But I do sometimes
At least every other month maybe??
I get thoughts of my identity, my past; I want it gone.
My past haunts me during this, even though I did nothing wrong, or even that cringey.
I have such an urge to erase it, more than others.
I've deleted every old picture of myself. All I have is what my mom and dad took and my yearbook photos.
Please help me.
I dont have people to talk to, they'll think I'm fuckin crazy.
I can't risk it.
You understand.
After these "episodes" I either stay sad 'till ot wears off, or I get into something I like to call "being in love with everything".
That means I find this temporary appreciation for everything, ever.
I forget all the bads, and elevate the goods.
I get sooooo happy, I could cry.
It's a good feeling.
The calm after the storm.
Here's why I posted this:
• I dont wanna tell my parents [they'll either take it too seriously or not seriously enough
• They'll think I'm self-diagnosing, and that it's a "my generation" thing
• I have no therapist
• I have a sister who will listen, but she's too young for this shit, and I'm scared she'll think that I think I'm x, y, or z [self diagnosing]
• I just need some help. I dont wanna talk to my family, and I just moved so I don't wanna talk to my friends and draw them away
Please
I really need this
Thank you
- XXXX