Please please help me

****PLEASE READ EVERYTHING****
I need help, please whoever ever is reading this

I don't know how to explain all of this, but I will try

I'm currently sitting in my closet with the door locked, feeling fuckin INSANE

Ever once in a while, this happens to me. I get very very sad and depressed for at least one day, and then I get all these thoughts of shit I can't explain.

I'm a nihilist, but I get into an odd mindset of this fuckin questioning the world shit. Its not even fuckin questions.

I just feel SO BAD I don't know why

I dont always feel bad

But I do sometimes

At least every other month maybe??

I get thoughts of my identity, my past; I want it gone.

My past haunts me during this, even though I did nothing wrong, or even that cringey.

I have such an urge to erase it, more than others.

I've deleted every old picture of myself. All I have is what my mom and dad took and my yearbook photos.

Please help me.

I dont have people to talk to, they'll think I'm fuckin crazy.

I can't risk it.

You understand.

After these "episodes" I either stay sad 'till ot wears off, or I get into something I like to call "being in love with everything".

That means I find this temporary appreciation for everything, ever.

I forget all the bads, and elevate the goods.

I get sooooo happy, I could cry.

It's a good feeling.

The calm after the storm.

Here's why I posted this:

• I dont wanna tell my parents [they'll either take it too seriously or not seriously enough

• They'll think I'm self-diagnosing, and that it's a "my generation" thing

• I have no therapist

• I have a sister who will listen, but she's too young for this shit, and I'm scared she'll think that I think I'm x, y, or z [self diagnosing]

• I just need some help. I dont wanna talk to my family, and I just moved so I don't wanna talk to my friends and draw them away

Please

I really need this

Thank you

- XXXX

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Comments ( 88 )
  • idolomantis

    Sounds like you’re going through a bit of an existential crisis? I’ve been there and it’s sucks. Do you think that you could get a therapist? That would probably help you the most. Please just hang in there, I understand how unpleasant and painful this kinda thing can be. Have you ever tried calling an emotional support hotline? They can be quite helpful as well.

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    • LornaMae

      That's actually a great idea, calling a support line. We can only do so much here via comments. OP, is there any number you know or can look up right now? Or is talking out loud going to be a problem?

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      • Idk this has happened beofe I just need it to pass I think

        A hotline seems like too much

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        • idolomantis

          Are you sure? It doesn’t have to be that big of a deal. Hotlines aren’t always for emergency situations, sometimes they’re just for people who have the blues and need an outlet.

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          • Idk

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            • idolomantis

              It’s ok to not know, I hope you feel at least a little bit better talking to us on here. I still think it could be a good idea, but sometimes talking out loud can also feel like a bit too much. Are you having issues with anxiety right now maybe? I understand that feeling quite well, and it’s a bummer. Please just hang tight until you feel a little bit better, you aren’t alone.

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        • LornaMae

          I understand, you don't have to call anyone. As long as you're calming down now. You're at the height of your crisis, so now is not the best time to address your issues, which I completely understand, I have had my fair share of those. I'm not writing lengthy replies just so you know I'm still here, ok?

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          • Thank you thank you

            I just feel fuckin crazy! Yunno I bet right after this imma be so hyper and happy and social, but right now I can't even talk to anyone.

            I feel cheated from life. I feel like these episodes are a waste of precious time.

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            • LornaMae

              Oh I can definitely relate to having that feeling because after it passes it doesn't even make sense, right?

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    • Idk. Idk if I want to

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      • LornaMae

        It's okay if you don't want to. You asked for help here and you've got at least 2 of us here for you.

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        • Okay

          Has this ever happened to you??

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          • LornaMae

            Not exactly the same but yes, I've been desperately and unexplicably sad and alone. How are you feeling right now?

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  • Now that you're in the comments, if you're not planning on commenting, please do. Anything helps. Even a 'lil "you're alright, man" or a "you'll be okay" is good. Please you don't know how much this means to me. Thank you

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    • LornaMae

      First of all, hi! :)
      I'll write below, ok? Second, you are not alone.

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    • Curiouskitten444

      Youre alright ❤️

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  • ThatOneGuyYouNeverWantToMeet

    Comforting *boop*.

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  • ZREBELX

    Firstly, you're not alone. I never felt like you described, but I know a few people with different mental illnesses, that have been/get into similar moods. As previously suggested, a hotline may be worth a shot. They'll help talk you through this, and you can remain anonymous(If they ask for your name, just use a different one(They typically only ask for a first name unless you're suicidal, and they believe you're high risk)). However, you can feel free to message me if you'd like to talk, about anything. I wish you well. Hang in there, you got this!

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    • Thank you

      I've been feeling a little better, I'm not lovking myself away

      But I can still feel it, sitting at the bottom

      By the way, is your name a Billy Idol reference?

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      • ZREBELX

        Haha, indeed. I was listening to Rebel Yell when I made this account. How're you doing, though?

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        • Hahah, I'm good. I actually love Billy Idol; how are you?

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  • Iforgotmyuser

    been there, done that. Plunge yourself into the world, get busy with it, have friends, communicate, laugh, enjoy, indulge. Make a bucket list. Have a mantra. Romantacize.

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  • Somenormie

    I wish OP well and I hope they get the best help they need.

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    • Thank you

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      • Somenormie

        You are most certainly welcome :)

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  • SwickDinging

    I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I think you need some medical help. It can be hard to take the first steps but it might change everything for the better.

    Well done for making this post. That's already a good start. Look after yourself.

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    • I live with my parents, and I can't get a job.

      I would HAVE to tell them.

      So much can go wrong.

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  • JustJazzin

    You’re lucky you’re getting this much of a response. One time I was on the brinks of suicide and not one person responded on here.

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    • LornaMae

      Aww, that's sad. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you too.

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    • I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. And yes, I am lucky, I do notice that.

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  • Tinybird

    do you have something like bipolar disorder? What you described sounds like manic-depressive disorder to me.
    I can somewhat relate. I go through depressive phases and manic phases too though I was never diagnosed with that.

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    • LornaMae

      Baby, they might have but right now all they need is to get through this.

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    • I dont know. What should I do?

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      • LornaMae

        Right now there's nothing you can do but go through your episode, not the time to self diagnose. We can talk about it tomorrow. :)

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        • Okay, thank you you don't know what this means to me

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          • LornaMae

            I'm so glad I came in here when I did and that I could help you a bit. I'm still here, and I think idolomantis will be too.

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  • Clunk42

    Perhaps if you turned to God, you would be comforted by the truth.

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    • LornaMae

      Perhaps if she turned to psychiatry, she'd be better and properly assisted.

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      • Clunk42

        Perhaps a mixture of both would be best.

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    • No, I won't

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      • Clunk42

        Well, it's your choice, be it what it may.

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        • Thank you for trying

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  • RoseIsabella

    I'm certainly no expert of course, but what you describe sounds a lot like bipolar disorder. I think you should seek out mental health counseling.

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    • Thank you

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      • RoseIsabella

        You're very welcome.

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  • Irizu3748392746483938

    Motherfucker, you had me thinking you were about to get murdered, or ISIS is coming after you, or you were hearing voices telling you to kill your whole family. Tf?

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    • I was in a dark place

      I felt it was the only way to get someone's attention

      I've seen posts more dier than mine go unnoticed

      I just needed help

      Sorry I startled you

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      • Irizu3748392746483938

        It's whatever.

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        • I was just in a bad place, okay?

          You don't have to be a fuckin asshole to me for simply needing help

          Maybe you would understand if you were in my place

          Like, sorry I titled my post a little extreme

          Fuck off

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          • Irizu3748392746483938

            Hey! Why the long face? Oh i'm sorry, did I offend you? Sad😥

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            • Sorry, I thought you were givin' me attitude

              Just the way it looks, idk

              I apologize 🙏

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  • anonY123

    Listen, I know what you are going through. This is a textbook case of clinical depression. It is completely curable. You will be way happier and more satisfied with life once you overcome this problem. Take an appointment asap with your medical doctor and tell him/her everything. They will recommend you antidepressants and therapy. This is all temporary until you recover and feel better. I have been through depression in the past and it sucks but it can be treated and fixed. Good luck!! :)

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    • I dont have depression

      I dont always feel that way

      Usually I don't

      This is a once in a few weeks occurrence

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      • anonY123

        Ok, good luck. I care about your well being :)

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        • Thank you

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  • GaelicPotato

    See a fucking professional for christ sake.

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    • anonY123

      Why so much vitriol @GaelicPotato

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  • SkullsNRoses

    Please seek professional help, you shouldn’t have to live like this. If you’re in school or college they may have a counsellor you could ask for advice?

    Early intervention is best for mental health problems, the idea that you need to “hit rock bottom” before seeking help is false and dangerous. You would go to the hospital if you broke a bone, you wouldn’t wait until you had broken every bone in your body.

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    • Can I DM you?

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      • Is there any way I could?

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        • SkullsNRoses

          I’m not sure how DMs work on IIN but you’re welcome to give it a try. I'm afraid that as a rule I don’t give out my real contact info on here though.

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  • LornaMae

    Oops, I missed this one comment. I've felt exactly like you many times in my life and self diagnosed as bipolar or borderline - and it sounds like you could be either, yes, but we ain't doctors, are we? Lol

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    • Right. I don't self diagnose

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  • 1WeirdGuy

    So do you just feel cringed out about everything? Like you say something stupid to someone and it bothers you for hours? That sounds like some social anxiety stuff to me.

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    • No its not. You misunderstood. I said I just feel the urge to erase it. Its not social anxiety. Its not like that.

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      • 1WeirdGuy

        Like erase all social media? I dont think thats really that bad of a thing. We should all probably be like that more.

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        • LornaMae

          I know you mean well but I think you're so off on this one that OP doesn't even know how to respond! Haha

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          • No, i just turned off my phone

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          • 1WeirdGuy

            I can kind of relate to that part I guess. The social media and picture thing im the same way. I dont like people taking pictures of me and I delete them all

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            • LornaMae

              I think you once mentioned you delete the ones your wife takes that aren't flattering lol

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