Please help me

57% Normal
15 Comments

So, I've been feeling sad for a few years on and off, and i'm finally begining to work out what is making me so upset and deflated all the time.
Im so angry because I feel like i've just had heaps of rubbish thrown my way.
My parents devorced when i was about Six, but funnily enough, I can remember a lot of what was going on, including incidents like my mum threatening my dad with a knife, and my dad throwing all of our clothes out of the bedroom window.
I have an elder sister and a younger brother, who when my mum and dad broke up, came with me and my mum to live in a different house, we still saw dad every other week, but when we were staying at my mums, she used to lock us out of the house so that she could be with her boyfriend (who later became her wife beating husband and father of my two little half sisters) I just feel so resentful of my family,My elder sister and younger brother live with my dad and so dont see the issues that i have to deal with and my dad is so busy all the time that whenever im depressed he gets angry about it, i know thats a bad thing to say that im resentful, but seriously, the stuff doesnt stop happening.

Mum's recently devorced the guy, and we are now left with no money, apart from the money i'm earning working in a stressful job as a nurse.... I might add that i'm nineteen, and i feel like i've not had a normal teenage life. All my friends are off at university. And im still stuck living at home with my mum, who i love and care about, and my two disobedient younger sisters, but I feel so angry at myself for being so selfish. I DONT WANT the responsibility of looking after everyone, I have no time for myself and I dont have many friends anymore because I feel embarrassed to invite them over and when i get invited out i cant go because of my money issue. I Guess What I'm asking is.... Is it normal to be in my situation... and to feel so negitively about my family... and to feel so darn alone all the time?

any help would be appreciated

Pip

Voting Results
57% Normal
Based on 30 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • [Old Memory]
    16 years ago

    In all honesty, and usually I would never say take kids away from their mom, because I've been in bad situations with my mom, and being a mom, as me and my mom were both wrongfully accused in two totally different situations. I think you should try to get custody of your sisters, and go to college. It will be tough, but i'm sure if you go to a university, and you have kids in your custody you will get money for your living expenses. That would definately help you get away from the life you have now, and it will open plenty of new doors to better opportuniy.

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  • slackjawedyokel
    16 years ago

    youre 19 and already a nurse? Dont think so--- unless you graduated high school at 16 or so.

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    • hippocrocapig
      16 years ago

      I'm a Nursing assistant. We do all the real stuff anyway, i just don't have a degree!

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  • [Old Memory]
    16 years ago

    I got half way through the first line and subconsciously noted how long this shyte is and said phuckit.

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  • SexyFallenAngel
    14 years ago

    Look my parents devorced when I was eight. I lived with my mom after that. My mom was so clingy I couldn't leave the house because she said she would be depressed. I did all the cooking ,if I wanted to eat at least, and the cleaning When I moved out she thretened to kill herself.She was moody and angry all the time. I wanted out but couldn't get out.

    She slaped me so hard one time I fell and hit my head.

    My dad has always said I wasn't as good as my elder sister.

    So I'm pretty much saying Sh*t happens.

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  • sarah8362
    15 years ago

    Honestly, you've got to give your mother a reality check. Let her know, look, I LOVE YOU, but i need to love myself (yeahh corny but true) you need to get out and start a life for YOU. visit the kids, spoil them when you see them, but let momma know, youre an ADULT, you need to put aside your business and do what needs to be done instead of putting too much weight on me. youve only got your younger years for so long. pretty soon theyll be gone, and what will you have left? you wont have enough fundamentals, enough experiences of FUN that any pain seems too much. because youve been hurt so much, you wont be able to take that later, which youll need to know how to. its just, you gotta prepare yourself, have as much fun now because you wont later. you gotta get out, politely, lovingly, but you gottaaaa get out

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  • tapioca99
    15 years ago

    You're definitely not not normal to feel that way. You're 19! Stop blaming yourself for what your parents failed to be. As her daughter, you can't just say f*uck it and get on with your life, but I hope you'll find something or someone to lean on some day! Find a hobby/try new things if you have time. It'll help make the stress go away.

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  • [Old Memory]
    16 years ago

    opportunity***

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  • Fred
    16 years ago

    Your resentment is probably normal, yet unhealthy. I%%u2019m sure if you somehow overcame all the negative feelings you feel towards your family, your life would be happier and you would become more content with your situation. I know it can be difficult, but try to look at what you have rather than what you don%%u2019t have. The past is the past, and there%%u2019s no possible way you can change any of that. In the present, the only thing you can do is to look deeply within yourself to find those things about you and your life that you value, and embrace those things. They will make your life worthwhile, and your current situation won%%u2019t seem so burdensome.

    You say that you are supporting the whole family? Why isn%%u2019t your mother taking care of her responsibilities? She doesn%%u2019t work? If this is the case, then perhaps you are enabling her, in a sense, to allow you (and other people) to take care of her family and the responsibilities that come with it. I know it may be intimidating to confront your mother with this, but I think it must be done to give you a bit of a break. Also, keep in mind that this will only be temporary. Eventually your half-sisters (and hopefully your mother) will be self-sufficient, and you%%u2019ll be able to continue on with your life. It%%u2019s all just a matter of time.

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    • hippocrocapig
      16 years ago

      Thank you, It is nice to feel like people want to help!

      I'm quite scared about how my little sisters are going to end up, ella who is 7 already said to me
      "I know mummy loves me, but i dont feel like it sometimes"

      That kinda breaks my heart, which makes me feel worse about wanting out of this scenario. Thanks for the advice, i know it makes sense.

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      • Fred
        16 years ago

        I completely understand. And I do think your little sisters need you, but I didn't realize they were so young. Ten years (or so) is an awfully long time to put your life on hold if your mother is unwilling to step up and be a mother. Then you have to wonder if she will end up in another toxic relationship again, which she seems to have an inclination to do. You are an extraordinary person for putting your sisters' wellbeing above your own, but it's bound to wear you down eventually. Perhaps Jan is right and you should seek some refuge, but you need to do it more strategically than simply running off. You need to ensure that your sisters are well looked after in your absense. You need to find some way to get your mother to step up and be a mother to these children she brought into this world. And I suppose their father doesn't want anything to do with them, or they want nothing to do with their father? That's probably best, as you said he was an abusive person. But is he supporting them in any way?

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    • JanIAm
      16 years ago

      I'm impressed :-)

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  • JanIAm
    16 years ago

    When I was 18, I had much the same feelings towards my dysfunctional family as you describe here. My reaction was to find a way to get out of the house as quickly as I could to distance myself from the situation. I would strongly suggest that you find a way to do the same thing.

    I'm assuming that you are probably an LVN or an NA at your age, which probably means you don't have a lot of money. If you have a friend or family member who would consider rooming with you, please consider looking into some housing away from the stressful family situation that you describe. At age 19, it's really time for you to become your own person in any event. "Looking after everyone" should not have to be your sole responsibility, particularly if you want to be able to keep what you describe as a stressful job. Once you address your family issues, maybe the job will actually seem less stressful.

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    • hippocrocapig
      16 years ago

      thanks janiam. I hate feeling this lonely, its not nice to know that other people have come from similar situations, but its comforting. X

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      • JanIAm
        16 years ago

        I do agree with Fred that leaving without considering the needs of your other siblings would be unwise. On the other hand, allowing the mother, father, and sisters to force you into an enabling situation does no one any favors. It's holding you hostage and prevents them from experiencing any personal growth.

        For the sake of your sanity and self-actualization, you cannot make yourself solely responsible for your entire family. Someone else must share the burden with you. If your father refuses to assist, perhaps he can be "encouraged" to do so legally. If your mother is able to work but does not do so now, perhaps this is the time to "suggest" that she consider doing so for the sake of her daughters and herself. You need not feel that all of the possible solutions must come from you just as you need not feel that you should be responsible for everyone's welfare if the adults in this family will not take responsibility for themselves. Once everyone starts seeing that you are are standing up for yourself and beginning to make the first steps towards the door, it's possible that you'll see some changes for the better just because they'll know they HAVE to change. It may not happen overnight, but given time and your firm resolve and a tough love approach, you may get some results.

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