Phantom dumper

I habitually fouled my neighbours driveway. There has been animosity between our family and the one next door virtually from the outset. The petty bickering continued to and fro for years.

As the middle child I took it upon myself to wreak some retribution on our neighbours and I chose shit as my weapon. About once a quarter I would sneak over the hedge separating the properties and take a dump in their driveway, under cover of darkness.
I was amazed at the size of the produce when it wasn't in it's usual porcelin surroundings. In the next day or so, the family would emerge from their house, wrinkle their noses and spy the big pile of shit. John (the man of the house) usually took it upon himself to cover it up, as you would a corpse, presumably to stop it scaring the children and ruining his wife's hairdo.

Me and dad thought it was absolutely hilarious and the topic was often mulled at family meal time conversations although I never let on that I was the culprit, despite some pointed accusations. In actual fact you guys are the first people I have ever told, a good 15 years on from the original deed (I did it for about a year).

Well, at least I didn't go round and pop a cap in his ass like you crazy yanks, we are much more civilised in the UK.

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  • POOPIE

    GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but
    there is no poopie in the toilet.

    CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the
    toilet, but there is nothing on the paper.

    WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it
    still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your
    butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a stain.

    SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and
    you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you
    have to poopie some more.

    POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD-POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much
    to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

    LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're
    afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces
    with the toilet brush.

    GASSEY POOPIE: It's so noisy, everyone within earshot giggles.

    DRINKER POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a
    night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks
    on the bottom of the toilet.

    CORN POOPIE: (Self-explanatory)

    GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE-POOPIE: The kind where you want to
    poopie, but all you do is set on the toilet and fart a few times.

    SPINAL TAP POOPIE: This is when it hurts so badly coming out you'd
    swear it was leaving you sideways.

    WET CHEEKS POOPIE: (The Power Dump). The kind that comes out of
    your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

    LIQUID POOPIE: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out
    of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

    MEXICAN POOPIE: It smells so badly your nose burns.

    UPPER CLASS POOPIE: The kind of poopie that has no odor.

    THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You are not at the toilet because you think you
    are about to fart but...oops...a POOPIE!!!

    THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even
    though you know you are done poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake
    or two will cut it loose.

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  • Biological warfare

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  • Best story I've heard all day...

    A buddy of mine did that at a rival fraternity house at school. There was one problem though...not everyone was asleep in the house. A few people witnessed the act going on and chased him off their porch with his pants around his ankles...

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    • LMAO

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    • I thought it was a great thing and very funny.I for one would not have the guts to do that.There have been many people over the years I have wanted to do that to and still want to do that to.

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  • Thats hilarious. You should have used a leaf to wipe with and then leave it next to the shit.

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  • Not normal, yet absolutely hilarious.

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  • hauhauhauahuahuhauhauhauha
    this is the best story ever!
    I just laughed for a minute here, man! lmao
    congratz for the great time, keep up the good work! lol xD

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  • i have alot of respect for you

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    • This is why the world would be so much better without Britain.

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      • Theres this prick kid up the road from me and i've done the same thing repeatedl... and once with a complete bag fu;l of dog shit .. TEE HEE

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        • hahaha our neighbors would always let their dog shit in our yard so one nite i donned some latex gloves and proceed to pack all of his dog shit under the door handels of his cars all the while humming the mission impossible theme song! fun times

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      • bwuahahahahah!!!!

        I wonder if they raise their little pinkies when they push down the commode lever?

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      • That and because of their extensive history of mass oppression is even worse than that of us Americans. I mean, our government has done some pretty horrible things in the past and continues to do so today, but come on, INDIA??? I mean, India is a billion freaking people dude! That's messed up! Ok so at the time maybe it was a quarter billion but still.

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    • Omfg!!! I have just joined this site like 5m ago & this is the 1st thing i came accross. Seriously your a legend made my day seeing this. As i type this i'm wiping away tears from my eyes from laughing so much. I just wanna say from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU SO MUCH xx

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  • Excellent story...impeccable use of words...I give this one 5 stars.

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  • "I was amazed at the size of the produce when it wasn't in it's usual porcelin surroundings."

    Rofled a big time...

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  • What a fantastic idea! The number of neighbours I could've done that to when I was a kid.

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  • LOL, that's AWESOME! And for the record, I live in America and ABSOLUTELY think that's totally boss.

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  • Civilzed you call shitting in someone's driveway for a year civilzed!!!

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  • I find it difficult to believe that taking a dump in the driveway next door is considered civilized behavior, even in the UK.

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  • No finer weapon than Human Fecies. I put my PooPoo in the deodorizors at restaurants whom give bad service.

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  • hahahah i would love to shit on my neighbors driveway

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  • To take a dump in a prick's driveway. Wow I can think of a few dozen people I'd like to do that to. Although if you had done it right outside their door then they might have stepped in it. Awesome.

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  • Hey don't hate americe atleast we can own guns

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    • THAR HATIN ARE AMURIKA!!!

      DEY TURK ARE JERBS!!!!!

      DURKA DURR!!!

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      • -
      • I do have to say, the way that you put it sounded damn funny. still, though, WHY IS EVERYONE FROM ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD THAT I'VE SEEN A COMMENT FROM STEREOTYPING AMERICANS!!! HERE'S A THOUGHT FOR YOU: STOP TROLLING AND GET A LIFE!

        WE MAY HAVE PROBLEMS, BUT WE DON'T GO STEREOTYPING ENTIRE COUNTRIES(this section intended towards poster of the comment that this one replies to)OFF OF A SINGLE COMMENT! AT LEAST HERE IN AMERICA THOSE WHO ARE OVERWEIGHT ARE STILL ABLE TO GET A JOB WITHOUT BEING TORTURED!

        Let me guess, if someone in your country is fat, you go out of your way to go up to them and ask something like, "Hey, go back to America, fatass!"

        Seriously, all of these fricking stereotypes...

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        • Fat people are disgusting individuals with little will power or self control. The amount of obese people in America makes me ashamed to be an American.

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        • Well. I can't say that I don't understand your frustration. After all, America is not just a big country, because every state works as if it was a country on it's won. What I mean is: big space, great amount of people, lots of variety.

          But... America is on the top of the world and as such it will always be on the tongs of everyone in the world. Some people dislike the country some people like it, some people ignore it, some people hate it and there are even people who fanatically cherish everything American (often reminding me of people who had a blind fate in Stalin - terrifying).
          So the perception of America isn't all that bad really. It's like everything else.

          On the other side, Americans love stereotypes as well. I see a lot of them in Hollywood movies, in youtube flicks, on foray. Lot's of Americans have a skewed perception of people, who are Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, Mexicans, Irish, French, Russian, Polish, German... But that's how the world goes, and why every adult needs to grow a thick skin. :]

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      • lol

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    • whats so good about owning guns?

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      • Shooting them. Its a great stress reliever. Almost as good as dropping a deuce in a neighbor's driveway.

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  • pooping in somewhere other than "porcelain surroundings" is not considered "civilized".

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  • I would love to shit in a coworker's purse

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  • Epic! I laughed so hard I almost went next door to shit on my neighbors carpet! Oh crap I'm laughing so hard I can barely type this. Funny but definitely not normal. I also agree that shitting on your neighbors driveway is better than popping a cap in their ass (still better pooping a cap in their ass lol) and is definitely funnier than watching their ass bleed from prison. lol

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  • I read a prank called 'The phantom crapper' and its very similar to your story.

    In a shortened version, you go to someones house (when they're not home) crap all the floor (lol) and in the toilet and don't flush (or wipe apparently) then write on the mirror with something, "the phanton crapper strikes again" lol

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  • Funny? yes, normal? no.

    Thanks for the laugh though :D

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  • totally normal

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  • Uh, yeah. Talking about shit at the dinner table is much more civilized.

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  • EPIC WIN!

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  • I just took a shit on my neighbours lawn because i wanted too, it was night time also, then the next day i went round and he had put a cage over my shit hahaha!!! i was like teheheh little do you know fool!!!! hahahahaahahahahahah love love love it!!! i even asked him why he caged the poo and he said so the kids dont step on it hah! but the bad thing was when i returned back to my house, i was stung by stinging neddle! :( it got me good.!

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  • well, at least us yanks are potty trained.

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  • Sometimes, this is the only way to get back at the fuckers that shaft us daily. Sometimes I wish I wasn't a woman so that I could have the freedom from my conscience to do this sort of thing. We have so many fucken fuckers here where I live (in a complex) that I'd love to take laxatives and spray paint their doors for them. Or wipe shit all over their cats.... LMFAO! Then they gotta wash it off... and get scratched to shit and back in the process. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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    • Idea:

      Urinate into a spray bottle. Take filled bottle and spray around the locations you wish to "perfume," such as doorknobs, doorjambs, doors, carpets, anything, really. Be sure to consume high amounts of processed foods just prior to collection and use, it will intensify the offensive odors exponentially.

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  • I think shitting on a dickhead neighbours property is a great tactic - the thing about it is, is that you just couldn't fathom someone doing it not to mention your own neighbour! Touché good sir, I applaud your methods. My ex's step dad was a massive twat and one time he had a go at his neighbours for having their music too loud, so they stuck a dead hedgehog under his windscreen wipers, that, is a step too far. I still hailed them for it though.

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  • You missed the Perfect 10 poopie, where it comes out so fast there is no odor, no splash and you will not have to wipe or flush. It makes perfect entry and retains enough momentum to make the hump into the sewer pipe.

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  • hahahahahahahahahahahahaha i laughed sooooo hard this is awesome

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  • PART II

    She would scramble up on top of the hood and usually target the windshield. God help them if they left a window cracked because Bella would go to almost ANY lengths to somehow introduce her scat into the interior of the unlucky vehicle. One time, she actually managed to get the boot of one of their vehicles to open and did her business in the trunk!

    When dad drove us to school in the morning, there would be a few black people with cleaning products furiously scrubbing and cleaning whatever dastardly deed Bella had wrought the night before. As we drove by in one of dad’s Jag’s she’d lower the window just enough to yell some terrible racial slur or threaten to kill them. Then she would give them the middle finger and stick out her tongue.

    Still, as far as I could tell, they had no idea that it was little Bella who had targeted them in such a vicious way. I think they thought it was our dad, who would never do such a thing. As time went by, they began parking their cars in the driveway as best they could and installed bright outdoor lighting in the hopes of catching the fiend in the act.

    But Bella is very crafty, and she was able to circumvent every counter-measure the blacks took. She even drastically altered her diet to produce a more voluminous “product”.

    Eventually, our mother was committed to a mental facility and we were able to move back into our big house. But even then, Bella wasn’t satisfied. Do you know that for YEARS she would periodically drive by that house and go to the bathroom on those blacks’ cars?

    Once she gets something in her head it’s very difficult to get her to let go.

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  • PART I

    When I was 13 or so my mother went nuts and became a homicidal maniac. To avoid the unpleasantness, Dad moved us out of the family home in a very clean upscale neighborhood into a small rental house in a more “normal” neighborhood. It was a very difficult time for all of us.

    At a certain point, a black family moved in across the street from this new house, which enraged my older sister, Bella, for some reason. She yelled at our dad and demanded he “do something” about this horrendous state of affairs. But he was so involved in trying to help our mother that he told Bella she was old enough (17 at the time) to handle these problems on her own, please stop yelling, and please leave him alone.

    Well, that only made Bella more angry and spiteful. She told Dad that she was going to kill him in his sleep. He told me years later that for the 12 months or so we lived in that house, he never really slept because of that.

    Anyway, one of the things that Bella found the most objectionable about the black people across the street was that they parked their “piece-of-shit hoopties” in the street in front of the house. She complained about the “endless safari” of used Cadillacs festooned with giant chrome rims that greeted her every morning when she walked out the front door.

    So, she took matters into her own hands. That’s right – you guessed it! She started going number two on their cars!

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  • I once worked with a girl who took a dump in a shoebox and mailed it to her X! How crazy is that? The worst part was that she did it at work and had the firm's mailroom stamp and send it out. I had the pleasure of sharing a cube with this person.

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  • I'm British and think you are AWESOME even if it is childish I would love to do that to the hoity-toitys who live next door to me

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  • We had a phantom shitter at my highschool. Shit would just turn up in fucked up places. Hallways, lockers etc. But it became legend when our science teacher open her desk drawer one morning to a big stinkin pile of shit. Hahah... She deserved it. And it wasnt me if you were thinkin that. My aim isnt nearly that good.
    Anyways good on ya, and fuck your neighbors. Haha

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  • Brilliant! This story is the 8th wonder of the world

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  • Pooping on someones property isn't civilized fyi. But lol anyway.

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  • Well, at least your sister didn't go #2 in your Christmas and birthday presents like my sister Stella did (and still does).

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  • while ur at it piss in their gas tank lol

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  • What a shitty deal and I mean that literally. What would be really funny to me: if your neighbors actually had the time and money to get a sample of your shit and take it to have DNA done on it and found out it was you, and really make the shit hit the fan. Ha Ha

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  • wow.....

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  • http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=3782&p=4

    Congradulations, you are the laughing stock of the internet. Not in a bad way of course, we are laughing with you :)

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  • F*ck America, Screw Enlgland. Miley, the party is SO much BETTER in Australia. Its so good that Oprah's here

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  • omg!! this totally made my day!! "We are so much more civilized in the UK" ...yeah right!

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  • The fact that loads of Americans have taken issue with the end of that post shows they have no sense of irony, I didnt think that was actually true.

    I know people who do that sort of thing, its plenty normal and also elevates you to a sort of demi-god status among men. But not girls, girls can never know the liberties men take with their poopoo theyll never talk to us again

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  • LMAO, LOL, that's hilarious. I did that to my rival's house, and it scared, ironically enough, the living shit out of him. My friend took a picture of that, and the look on his face was priceless. :) It's the perfect way to get revenge...

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  • This is true... my old friend had a sh1t on a newspaper and put it on an old lady's front doorstep..then he got out the matches and set the paper on fire. He knocked on the door and hid...we all watched as she opened the door and stamped the little fire out...then she had a shoe full of poo..she went back insode only to return 10 seconds later with her sh1tty shoe and threw it in the front garden...you should try it.. guaranteed to spoil their day.

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  • Lol,that's halarious! In the UK aswell? That's made my day.

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  • I don't think you should expect to be taken seriously or given much respect ending your post on that note.

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  • No need to call us YANKS when we beat you in war back then BRIT SHIT.

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    • And isn't it interesting that said Brit [aka rooinek] apparently is ignorant to the fact that calling every American the generic "yank" might not be such a good idea.

      I'd really like to see what would happen if said Brit addressed an adult man in, let's say, Alabama or Texas, as "Hey, you yanks..."

      Alas, my stopwatch doesn't record nanoseconds, regrettably, for us to know how quickly the response would be measured...lol

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    • Winner !

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    • @Maximumride12 - england and america have never had a war?

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      • Have you heard of this newfangled invention called history? Yeah, well, it tells of what's happened in the past, from ways of life to ancient to discoveries to wars! Pretty cool, huh?

        Anyway, there's this one part that's called the Revolutionary War, and in it England and America go to war, and in the end, America wins, becoming an independent country. I know, it's exiting, right? Also, that war ending the way it did is the reason that in America, there's Independence day. If you're still confused, go to a library or computer and look up "July 4, 1776"

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  • No especially because you used the word yanks. Its 2011 not 1776 get with the program. And second we "yanks" are civilized. That is why we are 10 times richer than every country.

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    • MATE

      yank is used in a comedy sense, the same way as ive been called a jock for being scottish

      go home

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    • Finally, someone on this site has some actual sense between their ears.

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  • Yanks?
    I'll pop a cap in your ass ha

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  • Yes, because SHITTING in you neighbor's DRIVEWAY is FUCKING CIVILIZED! *heavy sarcasm in case u didn't notice* You see, I'd just put dog crap in a brown paper bag, put it on their front porch, set the bag on fire, and finally ring the doorbell and hightail it out of there! Much more civilized.

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  • Yeah, Shitting in someones driveway is civilised.
    He probably wouldn't look out of place in a scat video, shitting in someones mouth, then high have his dad.
    God, I hate being British.

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  • "........ we are much more civilised in the UK. "

    awwwww, sir, I'm a bit offended =) Funny story

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  • America, a better country then England.

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  • lol oh yeah shitting in your neighbors driveway just cuz you guys dont like them is making the UK look very civilized on your part. good job bro (thumbs up)keep up the good work

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  • Wow you idiot... It's not like everyone carries around a gun and just shoots people when they're mad. Plus shitting on someones driveway doesn't make u look half as civilized as Americans.

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  • yea ok u fucking brit. cause its way classy to take a dump in public

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  • We r NOT crazy yanks!

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  • You forgot the BB Poopie
    Comes out feeling like a bowling ball but the size of a BB

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  • Well, it's true, Britain has caused a lot of misery around the world. First, colonialism..."The sun never sets on the British Empire." Think of how many Brits died to keep China...British. It's a history of imperialist nonsense. Also, Brits just have bad teeth and bad breath. All the while they have the nerve to act superior. Ugh. Now the dumbasses have voted to leave the EU. Such stupidity.

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  • Some people may think you are a shitty person for this but I for one think you are fucking awesome.
    This is some funny shit! It reminds me of a documentary of baboons throwing wads of shit at a hated traveler.

    I doubt many people do this so it ain't "normal" but I wish it was so I could hear more stories like this.

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  • I legitimately had to clench my urethra to keep from pissing myself.

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  • Not normal, but hilarious!

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  • You took a shit in the drive-way. Civilized? It's debatable. When our neighbors pissed us off, I set hungry puppies free in their house. They shat and pissed everywhere. Thank god they always kept a window open. XD

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  • WATERMELON POOP when you poop and the water splashes back up on a ur butt cheeks

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  • "we are much more civilised in the UK."

    Since when, you guys kill people over soccer results.

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  • Yes! Feces can be a great way to make a point! I like to sneak in people's houses while they're not home and take a fat shit in the microwave.

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  • Haha I am so glad i found this website years ago! hahaaaaa!

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  • lol thats hilarious! BTW I see you actually have a cool dad like mine, who don't care what we do, and sometimes he even encourages vulgar behavior like yours! your great I admire you and your dad as well as my dad.

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  • This is the single greatest story on IIN. I still laugh reading it and the ensuing comments XD

    Thank you O.P., thank you so much :)

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  • I pooed the bed!

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  • I freakin love you, it took me 5 minutes to stop laughing. Haha, you so made my day.
    Me and my sister did this to a girl who bullied our younger brother, except it was in on the porch right in the entrance with a ote that said 'revenge' so we saw her mom step right in it and start screaming and flipping out. And when she saw the note she started yelling at her daughter. Me and my sister are horrible people, I know. haha

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  • You made what I call a Trojan horse. It's brown, deceitful, and sits on their porch

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  • Way to go fella that'll teach them for being shitheads

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  • Gross polluter. What ever happened to TP'ing a house and the trees on the property? Nails in their driveway? Human poo is the worse smelling to humans. Oh wait, bits of cat poo may be the worse smelling to humans.

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  • I kind of wish you were our president. Maybe in stead of fighting we could take a sh** on the middle east.
    Thanks for making my day(:

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  • Ha.Civilized.

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  • Thanks for making me laugh.... rofl.

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  • Revenge is perfectly normal, but don't make crazy unsubstantiated statements about the people of other countries. It just makes you sound less intelligent.

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  • LOL!!!! Just crazy

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  • Did he just call us crazy yanks >:(

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  • Oh and by the way I'm a first born

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  • Yes, normal is taking a dump on your neighbors' driveway... By the way I have a question. Why is it that on some stories you can only vote "not normal" and you can't make comments?

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  • OMFG!!! Thats hilarious!!! But no, I'm afraid thats not normal.

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  • Wats wrong with u how disrespect full >.< thats fucked up and the uk has no more civilization then any one out there we are all equal and personally a cap in the ass mighta bin a bit more respected

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  • Your gay

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  • MUCH more civilised than us yanks, eh auld chap? kill somoene if you must but use a fucking tilet!!!

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  • Absolutely normal middle child behavior! Anyone who says it's not normal was not a middle child! Lol I love this story

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  • Ah yes the british "Ye ol' shit on door step trick" Works every time :D

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  • This is soooooooooooooooooo funny

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  • This story is a gem! :) HEEE! Mad me smile!

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  • Awesome I've always wanted the balls to do that. A friend of mine hates her sister in law and they live together, so she took a crap and wiped her ass on the sister in law's towel in the bathroom. Nobody ever found out who it was.

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  • Rofl that's funny as he'll I would never have tge courage to do tht! Props to you man!! My friend chopped a tree down once!

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  • My best friend took a dump in her horrible younger brother's room last month and wiped herself with one of his shirts. Apparently, he has yet to find it.

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  • I love you

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  • BTW Shitting in a neighbors driveway isn't civilized last time I check you " bloody idiot!"

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  • I love your diction. Will you please marry me? I just know that our babies will be beautiful and speaking in fully, class-fully formed phrases by the age of three months.

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  • The people on here who want to shit on you are the ones who've had this gag played on them or deserve to.

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  • "presumably to stop it scaring the children and ruining his wife's hairdo."
    I almost pissed myself, that was great

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  • Totally gunna do that when my friend finally moves away from their asshole of a neighbor. Stupid SOB is going to get Mexican/ Indian/ hot cheetos that been held in for two days right next to the drivers side door of his car.

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  • thats nothing you should have gotten a poo catapult and had a war with that shit(literally)lol rofl jk

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  • not normal but hilarious

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  • ha ha ha ha My brother used to do stuff like that to the people he didn't like at school lol one time he used one kid's fish tank as a toilet lol. Oh it was bad. Or he would put a fish in their lockers lol. A few good times he put a used condom in their car.

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  • Although that is hilarious... Thumbs up lol. Thanks for the idea too, u have no idea how much I would love doing this to the people I hate.

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  • So funny! Thank you for a good laugh xD

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  • You are a fucking legend mate!!

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  • Well you have unique sense of humor... its a little vulgar, a little eccentric, but yet one to be remember on top of that you have a talent for writing. I give you more kudos on that than shitting on your neighbors front yard, though that is fucking hysterical!!! Congrats

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  • That's inspiring. I don't think I am brave enough to actually poop in my neighbor's driveway but I am thinking I could seriously pull a turd out of the toilet and put it in a bag and transfer it to their driveway. If only I pooped at night though. What do I do all day with a turd in a baggie?

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  • hahaha It isn't a normal thing to do but it sure is funny!

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  • this is the greatest

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  • HAHAHAHAHAHAH, Funny, brave, GENIUS!

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  • ahahahaahahahah! You're my hero.

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  • ROFl. Perfection.

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  • I think it was very funny and sure to get your neighbors wondering where this big animal came from and what kinda animal its was.We were visiting with a relative I didn't like, my son told me later on that he shit in their cat litter box in the basement and always pissed in my brother in laws tool shed because He couldn't stand him Me Being The Mature Prankster type Father laughed and didn't tell him it was wrong

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  • It's not normal... but it is AWESOME!!!!

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  • That is greatttt :)

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  • This was fab!! I'm a girl and this is the sort of thing i would do!! Great way of revenge!!

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  • haha good one ur a freak

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  • OMG BAHAHAHAHAH THAT IS GOOD HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! i can't stop laughing hahahahah

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  • That made me LOL for real!!!

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  • LMAO! So funny.

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  • And dong is dont

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  • Won is won't

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  • If we don't like our neighbors we dong kill the and some might but most won shit in their driveway BTW my dads from norfolk

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  • Now that's fucking funny

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  • I've never laughed so hard in my life!!!!!! Roflmao!!!! Ur awesome! U should admit it now that would make it better!

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  • I'm saving one so I can do this to my neighbor. Corn and beans for dinner.
    Hee hee hee

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  • Not normal, but original and EXTREMELY hilarious

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  • I seriously just laughed so hard that I cried!

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  • True beauty has come full circle!!
    Once I also generated the largest wind breakage this side of tom yorke. Butt, that is another story.

    Love,
    METHOS-----> O

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  • ROTFL!!! HAHAHAHAHAH that is absolutely HILARIOUS!! I love this story... absolutely perfect!

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  • I loved your post, you should make a story out of it.
    I don't feel that the fascination over desecrating your neighbors property is entirely sane though...

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  • Yes, this is great, you are totally intelligent, this is an excellent way to wreck havoc without doing severe/permanent damage and get a good laugh all at the same time. If you'd got caught, i doubt it would have been real bad, but like you said it was a fairly violent-less way of retaliation.

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  • Nothing beats a massive shit in someone else's driveway. I too, have done something of the likes.

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  • thats halarious
    the best part is you never got caught

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  • This story cracks me up every time I read it!

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  • That is f***ing hilarious!

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  • HA! Your a funny kid!

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  • you, my friend, are AWESOME.

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  • lol. this reminds me of the time i crapped in someone's front yard by accident. oh god, i'm not gonna give any more details -- i don't want people to recognize who i am, because the story is so strange and f**ked up that if any of my friends read it, they'll immediately know it's me.

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  • Lmao ruin his wife's hair-do? Hahahaha

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  • Fantastic!

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  • Probably not normal but it should be. It is a perfect statement and no one gets hurt. Wonderful.

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  • ...

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  • me, myself and irene. Take the newspaper with you next time you sh1t in the neighbours garden.

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  • I might just have to do that.

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  • SWELLING WITH UK PRIDE. RECOGNIZE. BUN FUN 4 LIFE. KEEP THE SHIT FLOWING

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  • You sir, deserve a golden medal.

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  • Taking a shit in a driveway is civilized...?.....Since when? LoLz wow!

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  • I'd like to pop a cap in ur ass

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  • your the coolest euro-fag I've ever met

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  • ^x2. I must not have received my copy of the revised pamphlet on proper etiquette of the civilized world. Bummer.

    Next time aim for a grassy area, that way a large burrowing animal might have a better chance at stealth ninja-ing its way up your ass. After the initial shock wears off you could clench your asscheeks long enough to keep it lodged in there while you hobble back home, take photographic evidence, and tell us all about it so that we can laugh at you again, you fuckwit. :D

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  • To the second anonymous comment "this is why the world would be so much better without Britain.": Fuck off you fucking foreign cunt. Don't insult a place because it's better than whatever scummy foreign land you live in. CUNT!

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    • and how bout you fuck off?
      just because someone doesn't prefer Britain doesn't automatically make them a cunt.

      idiot...

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      • They didn't say they didn't prefer Britain, they said the world would be better without Britain. That being said, if all british people did stuff like this, then yes the world would be better off without them.

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  • Even if it's not true, it's farking hilarious. I laughed for AGES!!! I'm stil grinning like a idiot. COMETOMYHOUSE, I'm in the UK too. You can shit wherever you like!

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  • I am a fellow brit too. I have to admit, I once came across a homeless guy's camp (I was eight years old). His beer bottles were everywhere and so were his blankets. Anyway, I decided to take a big piss all over his stuff and ran away. It was mean of me but it was amusing to think of the guy coming back and finding his piss-soaked camp

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