One person marriage?

I have been married for 17 years. Good and bad times, yet the bad times are always much worse the than how good the good times are. I must also add that the number of good times is like a couple days a month.
Today is just like yesterday. Yesterday is just like the day before, and last week was like the one before, and so on.

I and my wife both work outside the house. I wake before her and go to bed after her. Tonight I made spaghetti for supper, yesterday it was beans and franks, and the night before it was garlic shrimp scampi. Sunday was ribs and chicken and Saturday it was hamburgers. My wife may cook one or two days a month – the other days I do the cooking or the family eats leftovers from a day or two prior. Also I do most of the dish washing and laundry and sweeping and mopping and grass cutting and... My wife? She watches TV or plays games on her iphone or sits and reads books and advertisements. I get so little help from her around the house, and if I don’t do some task, it doesn’t get done – just like sweeping and moppping the kitchen floor, or any other floor.

We also have a small hobby farm, and yes, I do about 99%% of the farm work. I mow the hay, and bale it, and stack it, and she watches the NBA or NFL or MLB on TV – or House, or one of our hundred DVDs. If she cuts grass around the house, she’ll run over the dog’s toy rather than get off the mower and pick the toy up.

There is no sex.

She goes out to “fundraisers” however the “fundraiser” is that you pay $60 and get something like five beers and some snacks at the bar – and she’s gone until 1am or so.

I don’t think she ever took a day off from work to be with me – even when I switched from a travel role to an in-town job.

I wake early and make breakfast for myself. She doesn’t eat breakfast. I’ve made her breakfast before but she ate it grudgingly.

She’s hit me with the car as I was walking down our country road because she was angry with me and rather than argue, I went for a walk. I had to check myself in to the hospital to get my shoulder checked because it was pretty darn sore after being struck by her car. She took a knife out of its sharpener thing and threw it at my head. I called the sheriff and he made her leave the house. The judge wanted to throw her in jail, but what do I do… tell my kids that I had their mom thrown in jail????

She traveled a few times for work and bought gifts for her sister and dad, but nothing for me or our kids. Why???

If I file for divorce, I and my kids will lose the farm and the two kids in college won’t be able to get help from me and their mom to help pay for college, and my two youngest will also probably lose the chance to go to college.

What do I do??? She refuses to go to counseling. I am so tired of this life. My kids keep me going – they are the absolute best!