One non business encounter with friends or family per week?

I'm disabled, work from home. My husband works at the office, and some at home. I've quit entertaining at home or setting up "outings" for friends. I don't do volunteer work. We have no children. We have no family within 900 miles of us. We see his family 2-3 times a year. We see mine zero times a year. He pursues sports and workouts 3-4 times a week, out of the house, at least one time with friends. That comprises the steady diet of human contact we have.

My husband says that I have excessive needs beyond his for "social contact". He says this is why he would not consider living further out of town where the cost of real estate is lower, and his hobbies demanding a lot of workshop space could be afforded. He says this would isolate me too much. I never mentioned it.

I don't bring friends home to visit. I don't chat on the phone with friends or family.

I think it's probably unwise of us to be so isolated from our local community. This may work fine as long as we have needs which are independent of cooperation from others locally. But that is only a "fortunate" scenario. Not a typical one. I don't think we are dealing with reality. We don't live on an island. We are more isolated than most with no children in the community, no family nearby, no church practice, no consistent local club activity.

He may be able to get his needs met in a pinch because he has a stable identity as an employee from years when he worked in an office most of the time, before he began working at home so much.

But I'm isolated, with work that is intermittent and done through the internet, and rather faceless.

Any topic touching on balancing social needs with activities, and I'm targetted as the NEEDY one with excessive needs.

What is normal?
What is healthy?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 5 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • I don't really know whether or not it's good to be isolated from. To some extent I person needs to go outside. Try to explain your needs with him more. Be straightforward with him and see where that takes you. Go to a park or go see plays. You don't have to Have friends to be more social, but they say that friends are a healthy occurrence to have... Just. Take it one step at a time, don't rush things.

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  • Thank you for the comments.

    I'd love to get out for some exercise or social encounters. I can arrange to go with or without him.

    It seemed odd, to me, that I should spend all my time without social contact. But my husband seemed so sure that my needs are excessive, it made me wonder what was normal, you know?

    Like beastie said "this is LIFE", you know, for the living. We're not droids, cubes, or bots.

    Maybe he means something else when he says I'm being excessive. I don't get it the logic of this.

    Thank you for sharing your opinion.

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    • Thanks - glad you liked my comments.

      The older I get, the more I realise that I've missed out on many things by being a people-pleaser and second-guessing myself in response to other people's opinions. Such a waste!

      At the end of the day, you'll never please everyone and you can't live someone else's life. Just do what YOU need to do to be happy and go for it. Other people don't have to understand.

      You never know - your husband may even come round to the idea of becoming more sociable himself but, if he doesn't, it doesn't even matter.

      Good luck!

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  • It's much less than most people. But we have a similar scenario only diff is I am not disabled and I work full-time. Otherwise, we are like you guys. No kids, no family within 500 miles (his and he isn't interested in visiting), my family are 000s of miles away. We never see anyone EVER. No visitors, nothing, even at Christmas.

    Part of me likes it that way, people can be such a hassle sometimes. But on the other hand....it's life isn't it?

    I used to think I wasn't too bothered and I was kind of burned out on partying and depressed but I have noticed how life has been closing in on us recently. I think I need more. It's difficult to build it up from zero, but you can do this.

    It's extra-hard when your partner seems to need less than you and makes you feel frivolous for wanting more interaction. But don't let this stop you.

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  • Ma'am, you need to get out of the house. Might it be that your disability makes you self-conscious? Try going to a gym, or something of that sort, and striking up a conversation. If your husband plays sports, then go to his games, go work out with him. I would not want to go on with life, faceless, in front of the computer.

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