Not sure if i'm bi/strait/lesbian- confused!!

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FIrst off i just want to say my gender is female and and this is real not spam, please help i need advice!!

So, for the past year, i have developed a crush on a older woman. i have never had a crush on a guy i just think like all the "hot" male celebs are cute and stuff, but never actually had a crush on a boy . Ok a know this is creepy but the woman i have a crush on is 22 years older than me! she thinks i am like obsessed with her but i was but then it turned into a crush. it has been over a year now, and i don't get ot see her much anymore, maybe once a week in the school hallways since she was my teacher last year. i have been trying to let her go but i just cant and its gotten really bad and over the summer i couoldn't see her she was in Europe and i cried every day .
its is somewhere in between lesbian and just being plain obsessed with her and i don't know where its heading and i am scared. i really need advice. please help is this normal and what should i do?

Is It Normal?
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  • Sixis
    13 years ago | pl

    Trust me i feel you here. I think it's not exactly lesbian. I think its more because we are lacking some kind of mother figure in our lives. If it's just that one women then i dont think your lesbian. If you've had more than one crush on an older woman then .... just call yourself bi for now until you figure things out ;D For some reason ppl can accept Bi a little better than falt out gay.

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  • Dodik
    14 years ago | pl

    Why do I get a feeling that it's not a 12 y.o. "girl" writing, but a much older male, masquerading as and pretending 2b this little girl having a "crush" on this imaginary tee-chur, with all the other responders falling into that set "crappy trap", while helping this heart-broken "little cutie" get his rocks off? 'One-handed' typing, perhaps??????? How pathetically sad...

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  • snufflebunny
    14 years ago | pl

    Well, maybe you are a lesbian and maybe you are just obsessed with your teacher. Just dont cry.

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  • [Old Memory]
    15 years ago | pl

    I can understand attraction to an older attractive fem (I get it all the time) but keep in mind that if you are only 12 or so and she is twenty something yrs older, well, she is not going to want a Relationship with you.

    Well, most likely not, anyway.

    Something to consider - and I mean no disrespect - but, at 12, what is a relationship to you?

    Your feelings for her, being obsessed as you say... Is it a feeling of idolization, a sexual attraction or do you see her as maybe a mother figure?

    Trying to get more information here before I say more. :)

    Tobra

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    • [Old Memory]
      15 years ago | pl

      WEll, probably a mother figure. well, i wish she were my mother. But, not fully because, well, what do i know about her from her outside of school personal life? nothing, duh, she was my teacher. a little bit of idolizzation, too. i don't think it is exactly a sexual attraction, like, i definetly don't want to kiss her. well, ,i don't know. Maybe it is just that i am not ready to kiss guys or girls. I am not sure, its confusing. I know, she would never be in a relationship with a 12 year old girl , she is in her early thirties, i have found out. i mean, i am not one that is immature for my age, i know about relationships and stuff, probably more than u would think am average 12 year old would. but, that is the point .I , unlike the girls and boys at my school, might be ready for a relationship. But there isn't much to choose from , because most of the kids at my middle school are still to that point in life where they sitll think all that stuff is funny, relationships, kissing, sex, being in love. So , waht should i do at this point? i mean, for the most part, ,i find myself useless in other peoples lives and life to myself feels useless.
      ??

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      • [Old Memory]
        13 years ago | pl

        Okay, we have narrowed it down.

        It is Not a sexual thing, so far as it goes, but more like a mother or hero worship thing.

        With that in mind, you must realize that she would likely want the best for You, so try and do the very best you can to impress her.

        The complement will be well worth it!

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  • [Old Memory]
    15 years ago | pl

    You are defiantly bi check out Kinsey's work and his scale of sexuality. I also think that you need some sort of a social circle this obsession is unhealthy you should go out with your friends more. Getting that emotionally attached to someone that barely acknowledges you is dangers ur setting urself up to get hurt.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

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    • [Old Memory]
      15 years ago | pl

      Thanks. I do have friends, but they get pissed
      off cause i always talk about her. I feel bad, and i try to stop, ,but i just can't! Last year , when i became obsessed with her, my grade for that quarter went from 92.12 average to 85.9 average. and in her class, my average went from 98%% to 87%% . Do you think i need professional help? because this is still interfearing with my life alot, my parents are pissed also. I try talking to people, but i cannot find anyone i am comfortable talking with . Just my friends, and they have had enough.

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      • [Old Memory]
        15 years ago | pl

        By the why how old are you? Did you ever tell her how u feel? When I was in high school, a long time ago; I have faced similar feelings of extreme infatuation. These feelings were directed towards this gorgeous girl all my friends liked her to varies degrees. So it was the four of us competing against each other for her, with some success. It got pretty bad in the end. We are all friends now still, however.

        When I projected my metal constructs of an ideal lover on her, I ignored her shortcomings. This set me up for unreasonable expectations and ruined my chances to be with her. When she did something good she was rewarded and when she fucked up she was reward. My attention to her was the same. This made me seem very low value and desperate. After month of chasing her like a chump, it was over. I was hurt, lost, and my self-esteem was shoot. Don%%u2019t deceive yourself about her, stop this now and begin to refocus your life.

        One thing that will help is hooking up with someone to get your mind off her. Try going to a party or a club as often as you can. Also a therapist may help; just talking about it may help with someone neutral and not judgmental. Clearing your emotional closet should bring some relief. Remember time heals all wounds as long as you don%%u2019t pick at them. Good luck.

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        • [Old Memory]
          15 years ago | pl

          Thanks.
          Just so you know i am very young, i am twelve and a half and just entered the seventh grade this year. I told her last year that I was worried about what she thought of me and i thought she didn't like me, through the school counceling center. i know, dumb. but, what else could i do? i am afraid, and its not like i can just go up to her and tell her the EXACT TRUTH! her answer was well, considerate, since she is a very lovely person, but it is not like she likes me very much, well, who would be fond at all of someone of who basically stalks them, revolves there life around them and cannot stop talking about them? but she was too cautious last year when i was in her class, about what she said t ome. she knew i was easily affected by any one move she made, not that she payed attention to it much, but she did not want to make me to happy and give me the wrong idea. but one of the biggest things i wanted her to know is that did she ver think of what she could do to me, if she wasn't friendly at all? she always gave me this blank stare at me when talking, and was much friendlyer and nicer to everyone else, i know she wa doing that on purpose, but that was a mistake, not paying attention to me at all was worse and made me upset. that is what ddrove me to talk to her inthe counceling center. after that she was a little nicer, since she knew if she gave me an impression that she didn't like me i would worry too much, but still not as nice as she was to the other kids.
          Still not friendly when she walks past me in the halls. I mean, what am i in kindergarden???? if she treated me like she did with the other kids, what , does she think i would think she is in luv with me?? Gosh!! i get so mad sometimes!! heres an example:
          the phone rings in her classroom, she answers it and it is for another student, the are needed at the office. she walks over to the kid and says (made up names), "Jess, Sweety" *puts her hand on Jess's shoulder* "You are needed at the office after 4th period, okay?" very sweetly.
          My situation:
          if talking to me, she would have gone, like,
          *pokes me very hard*
          "Emily, office needs you after lunch, okay?"in a dull voice. then walks away, turning her head from me as quickly as possible. not in a mean or bitchy way, but, like, avoiding me in a way like she doesn't wanna get involved. same thing when she hands out papers.
          well, handed out papers. she only teaches 6th grade, and i am in 7th this year. THis si the only way i remember her, and it hurts. I loose focuse because of this sometimes and i just wanna cry!! i try ot suck it up because i know i should get over this, after all, next year 8th gr is the last gr in the school m and what the hell am suppost to do when i can never see her again? i have a little less that two years until graduation from middle school, and i am definetly in too deep. she is 34 i am 12. and a half.
          advice? I have seen two psychologist/therapists, and i don't feel comfortable with them .

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          • [Old Memory]
            15 years ago | pl

            Thinking from her prospective, you probably spooked her. She is probably in a relationship and also you know how society frowns down on student/teacher relationships or what can be perceived as %%u201Cimproper%%u201D interaction. %%u201CLast thing I need is some sort of scandal%%u201D %%u2013 this may have been going through her mind. She may have been told or just was scared for her job, which could have been the reason she may have been cold to you. What would have been the end result you wanted to get out of your %%u201Ccrush.%%u201DIn the ideal world where would you see this going, if she responded warmly to you?

            I still think you should try interacting with your peers, I am sure there is somebody out there who likes you and will pay attention to you. In your life you will meet many people who will give you the love and attention you deserve. Try getting a hobby ex. Attending a local gym, skating, joining a club, whatever floats your boat. This way you will meet new people that share your interests.

            In the future DO NOT get emotionally attached until you receive positive feedback from the person. We humans love to want what we can%%u2019t have so I think it is possible contributing to your obsession. Finding a psychologists/therapist is like finding a good friend, it has to click. I suggest you continue your search not every physician%%u2019s approach or personality is compatible with everyone else's. I suggest you continue seeking treatment.

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            • [Old Memory]
              15 years ago | pl

              Thanks. She USED to respond warmly to me, until i became obsessed with her and she found out. Thanks for the advice. I also agree with myself, i should forget about her, i have to move on,, because there will be a time, less than two years from now, that i will not be able to see her ever again. And the last place i want to be then is where i am now with my feelings. The thing is, ,every therapist/phychologist i see, tells me to get my parents involved, or just to forget her,, they do not want to make it better for me, the way i intend to heal this.

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  • Glen_Quagmire
    15 years ago | pl

    sounds like you need some of Quagmire's Magic Big Root Elixer to make you forget all about this teacher.....

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    • [Old Memory]
      15 years ago | pl

      Slackeyedyokel is a felcher

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    • [Old Memory]
      15 years ago | pl

      Huh? Whats that?? are you making a joke????
      CAuse, i don't want to forget about her completely.

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  • [Old Memory]
    15 years ago | pl

    Well it sounds like your young and curios so Id say just try things as you can and see if you like them. Id find someone a bit closer to your own age and try it with them thats the only way youll know

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    • [Old Memory]
      15 years ago | pl

      OK!! Thanks! but, one other thing...what should i DO, you knnow, cause, i still see her in school ever yday, and say hi to her, but i just cannot take it im in the same school as her, but forced not to see her cause i am not in her class. it is slowly eating me alive!!
      ??

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