Normal to feel used in the circumstances?

63% Normal
6 Comments

Ok, here's the situation:

I've was going out with this gal for about a year, and now we are having relationship problems. We are both 2nd year Uni students. I am studying accounting. She studys dentistry. Her course is much more demanding than mine and, as a result, has had little time for me over the last 5 months and has been associating with a lot of these disgusting dent guys - one of whom she's gotten quite close to (unfortunately for me she's not superficial in the least, damn it).

ANYWAY... as a result of what I'd like to term 'neglect' (her spending less than 0 time with me) I became a little cynical and 'mean'. This has driven us apart. Ii suggested that we take a break for a few weeks and she agreed (there were some tears). However now, 2 weeks later, I am regretting this. I love her and cannot be without her. However now she says she has a decision to make. She can't decide whether she wants me or this dent freak she's spending increasingly more time with (they go for coffee all the time, it really pisses me off).

Anyway... while she's f**king around on the fence (trying to make up her mind for those unfamilar with the expression) I'm trying to be Mr. Nice Guy and win her back. It's using a lot of my time and energies to do so, and she still won't make up her mind. She wants me to spend lots of time with her, take her places, watch movies and all kinds of crap like that but WONT recommit. I feel used. I feel she is leading me along hoping that something will happen with that dent freak and keeping me as a 'back-ip'. It's putting a lot of strain on me and I'm facing a bit of an internal struggle, trying to be nice, but feeling used at the same time. It's making me really bitter. I expend all my energies and love on her to try win her back, but get NOTHING back and she goes off and has coffee with this other wanker. It's like she's leading us both along. I feel incredible used, and feel my meaness starting to surface once again. I don't know how much longer I can continue being loving and caring and crap for nothing in return, when she just wont commit to me. Does anybody identify with what I am saying and symphathize with me? Should I kick this b**ch to the curb or what? I really do care about her. Is it normal to feel used?

Thanks.

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 27 votes (17 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 6 )
  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Yeah I'd echo the above sentiments ^^^. Get over who you are to her. If you can't be a date, then back off. She's not ready to commit to you. I doubt you are either to her. So grow up. She's doing her studies, that occupy most of her time & only has time for casual dates, among whom you are quickly descending into the "I'm an asshole" category. And you are doing the same with your studies. Drop your ridiculous double standards. Or just leave her alone.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • diabolic_mushroom
    13 years ago

    Look, if she's going out with you, she's still interested in a relationship. Her going out for the occasional coffee with the dental guy could be nothing more than comparing notes on shared classes and teachers. If it bothers you this much, you might be over reacting. Remember one thing above all else....

    You two are not married. Compound that with the fact that both of you are on a campus where there is an abundance of young single people, and any ailing relationship will be strained.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Nushki
    14 years ago

    Ok so here's my opinion:

    Sounds like ur girl right now doen't really seem to mind that ur apart. So prob jus take a break - like u said - and go plough some other pastures or whatever u wanna do.
    By not paying attention u'd be doing the right thing. Jus like this post on top of mine says...

    It's not worth ur time to waste it on trying to prove something to some1, who (from wat it sounds like) doesn't seem to notice ur attempts.

    -So jus give it a break and things'll work out

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • WayOutThere
    14 years ago

    It sounds like she has managed to make you jealous. This may or may not have been her intention, but rest assured that she is observing your behavior now--very closely. Undoubtedly, she is seeing an incongruence between you being "Mr. Nice Guy" and "caring for her," and the fact that you are feeling "bitter", and have an inner belief that she is a "bitch". Women have very sensitive "radar" for this kind of stuff. She probably sees some of your behavior as phony. And, it makes absolutely no difference whether or not she is the cause of the negative feelings.

    I have an obvious question: Have you guys had sex together? If not, this can hardly be called a relationship. If you have had regular sex, at what point did it stop? The quality of sex is usually the best barometer of the health of a relationship.

    Look at it from her perspective. She has another option she is exploring, and she has no real incentive to 'commit' to you, whatever that means. It sounds like you are desperately wanting this 'commitment,' she smells this, and she is therefore holding this out in order to keep her power. As a result, you are providing her with entertainment "and crap" (as you put it), so she has little incentive to change.

    I would suggest you start seeing other girls. This is for several reasons: 1. It will give you more practice at learning how to treat girls. 2. You may discover what you are doing wrong. 3. It will make you less desperate. 4. You might meet someone with whom you are more compatible. A side benefit is that your former 'gal' might become jealous, and want to come back to you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • FinalFantasyROCKS
    14 years ago

    agreed. the most vital thing in a relationship is to TALK and be HONEST. if summats on ur mind, tell her.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • 4w04se
    14 years ago

    A Relationship is all about give and take. Obviously this is not what is happening here..

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0